Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 698

drjd · 05-02-2019, 05:44 AM

Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?

A: A desserter.

5thWiggleWife · 05-02-2019, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?

A: A desserter.

Guilty!

drjd · 05-03-2019, 06:24 AM

There are two kinds of people.

Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning!"

drjd · 05-04-2019, 05:13 AM

The ocean was once fresh water but Chuck Norris likes his shrimp salty.

drjd · 05-05-2019, 06:29 AM

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space.

Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.”

Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.

The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.”

drjd · 05-10-2019, 02:52 PM

An undertaker can be one of your best friends...

He'll be the last one to let you down.

yvanleterrible · 05-11-2019, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

An undertaker can be one of your best friends...

He'll be the last one to let you down.

Shame for you, friend. Mine will bring me up... in flames.

drjd · 05-12-2019, 06:45 AM

One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

drjd · 05-13-2019, 07:02 AM

My home church welcomes all denominations, but really prefers tens and twenties.

drjd · 05-14-2019, 06:45 AM

The divorcing British couple was required to divide the packets Earl Grey upon the court's ruling that it was proper tea.

drjd · 05-15-2019, 07:24 AM

Ask me about my vow of silence.

drjd · 05-16-2019, 07:00 AM

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue.

Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.

"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

yvanleterrible · 05-17-2019, 05:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue.

Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.

"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

Brilliant!

drjd · 05-17-2019, 07:35 AM

When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

drjd · 05-18-2019, 06:15 AM

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

05-02-2019, 05:44 AM	#10456
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A: A desserter.

05-03-2019, 06:24 AM	#10458
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning!"

05-04-2019, 05:13 AM	#10459
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The ocean was once fresh water but Chuck Norris likes his shrimp salty.

05-05-2019, 06:29 AM	#10460
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.” Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination. The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.”

05-10-2019, 02:52 PM	#10461
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An undertaker can be one of your best friends... He'll be the last one to let you down.

05-12-2019, 06:45 AM	#10463
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?” Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

05-13-2019, 07:02 AM	#10464
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My home church welcomes all denominations, but really prefers tens and twenties.

05-14-2019, 06:45 AM	#10465
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The divorcing British couple was required to divide the packets Earl Grey upon the court's ruling that it was proper tea.

05-15-2019, 07:24 AM	#10466
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Ask me about my vow of silence.

05-16-2019, 07:00 AM	#10467
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

05-17-2019, 07:35 AM	#10469
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

05-18-2019, 06:15 AM	#10470
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?