Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 688

Adoby · 11-06-2018, 12:34 PM

Ban pre-shredded cheese.

Make America grate again!

badgoodDeb · 11-06-2018, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adoby

Ban pre-shredded cheese.

Make America grate again!

( Some cooks suggest that anyway, as pre-shredded cheese is coated in a non-stick agent and is said not to melt well.

)

Fbone · 11-07-2018, 04:03 PM

What’s the most unreliable form of communication and how do I get my relatives to start using it?

drjd · 11-08-2018, 05:54 AM

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.
"Anything from $2 to $2,000."
"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."
"How does it work?" asked the customer.
"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

Adoby · 11-08-2018, 05:58 AM

I invented a new word a few days ago!

Plagiarism.

Fbone · 11-08-2018, 04:35 PM

She wanted to meet again. I told her I don’t water dead flowers.

drjd · 11-09-2018, 06:03 AM

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Fbone · 11-09-2018, 06:04 PM

I’m so hungry I could eat a vegetable.

drjd · 11-10-2018, 05:12 AM

Silence is golden...
Unless you have children...
If that is the case, silence is suspicious.

Adoby · 11-10-2018, 07:39 AM

It's bad, you know.

She asked me why?

I just went on and told her...

[R. L. Burnside]

Fbone · 11-10-2018, 11:35 PM

I just want to be rich enough that I can buy my furniture already assembled.

Adoby · 11-11-2018, 12:18 AM

If you start selling furniture in flat packs, you may become that rich.

Fbone · 11-12-2018, 12:42 AM

Red Bull and vodka. Because you want to be wide awake for this mistake.

Adoby · 11-12-2018, 04:27 AM

In Sweden the mountains aren't funny.

They are hill areas.

drjd · 11-12-2018, 05:04 AM

Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa - half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe - well developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain - very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece - gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain - with a glorious and all-conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel - has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice and takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada - cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet - wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages ... an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

Geography of a man:

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran - ruled by a couple of nuts.

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11-06-2018, 12:34 PM	#10306
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again!

11-07-2018, 04:03 PM	#10308
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	What’s the most unreliable form of communication and how do I get my relatives to start using it?

11-08-2018, 05:54 AM	#10309
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman. "Anything from $2 to $2,000." "Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer. The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket." "How does it work?" asked the customer. "For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

11-08-2018, 05:58 AM	#10310
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	I invented a new word a few days ago! Plagiarism.

11-08-2018, 04:35 PM	#10311
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	She wanted to meet again. I told her I don’t water dead flowers.

11-09-2018, 06:03 AM	#10312
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

11-09-2018, 06:04 PM	#10313
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I’m so hungry I could eat a vegetable.

11-10-2018, 05:12 AM	#10314
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Silence is golden... Unless you have children... If that is the case, silence is suspicious.

11-10-2018, 07:39 AM	#10315
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	It's bad, you know. She asked me why? I just went on and told her... [R. L. Burnside]

11-10-2018, 11:35 PM	#10316
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I just want to be rich enough that I can buy my furniture already assembled.

11-11-2018, 12:18 AM	#10317
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	If you start selling furniture in flat packs, you may become that rich.

11-12-2018, 12:42 AM	#10318
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Red Bull and vodka. Because you want to be wide awake for this mistake.

11-12-2018, 04:27 AM	#10319
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	In Sweden the mountains aren't funny. They are hill areas.

11-12-2018, 05:04 AM	#10320
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Geography of a Woman: Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa - half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful. Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe - well developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain - very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece - gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain - with a glorious and all-conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel - has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice and takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada - cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet - wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages ... an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. Geography of a man: Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran - ruled by a couple of nuts.