Humour/romance

Querencia_tala_ · 04-16-2018, 12:47 PM

So,the thing is I've written a novel (or atleast started writing it)
And i wanted to get your guys opinion and support, because if you could
Than that would mean the world to me! Thankyou.

Jason Welgrew Is A Not So Typical Student ,Or atleast he thinks of him as being one he is the type of person who thinks a lot and has a lot going into his mind...you would see where this tale of not-so typical yet relatable boy goes. And hopefully enjoy it, every view counts... thank you.

Link : https://www.wattpad.com/story/145347681 (please give it a try)

BookCat · 04-19-2018, 10:15 AM

Shouldn't this be in the Shameless Promotion thread?

issybird · 04-19-2018, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BookCat

Shouldn't this be in the Shameless Promotion thread?

No. The OP said she's started writing a novel and is seeking input.

BookCat · 04-19-2018, 12:58 PM

I took a very quick look at it. The writing needs lots of editing. When you've finished, if you want to publish this, maybe have it looked at by a professional editor.
Is English your first language? I got the impression that it may not be.
I didn't read enough of it to say anything about the storyline.

gmw · 04-19-2018, 08:50 PM

BookCat, you have been very kind in your assessment. One of the reasons I left this alone was that I could not make out the true intention of the post and sample text; it did not seem like a serious offering to me.

The text as it is now is too poorly presented to even start to make out the the story. It looks like it was typed in as a series of text messages on a phone. Poor sentence structure, poor paragraphing, inconsistent dialogue presentation. It is barely comprehensible, and very few readers are going to put in the effort needed to understand the text.

Either the author is lazy or they do not know how to present narrative text in English, either problem can be fixed. Do the best you can to make the text understandable first, then ask some friends - who read English stories and know how they should be presented - to help you check the text before going public again. As it is now, all you are doing is turning people away.

pendragginp · 04-19-2018, 11:08 PM

I agree that this beginning needs a lot of editing, but hey, a rough draft is expected to be rough, right?

I could be interested in this story, but right now it isn't ready to be presented. Don't get discouraged though!

One last thought - are you writing YA because you are YA? The voice sounds very young, but maybe that's just your intention.

04-16-2018, 12:47 PM	#1
Querencia_tala_ Junior Member Posts: 2 Karma: 10 Join Date: Apr 2018 Device: Wattpad	Humour/romance So,the thing is I've written a novel (or atleast started writing it) And i wanted to get your guys opinion and support, because if you could Than that would mean the world to me! Thankyou. Jason Welgrew Is A Not So Typical Student ,Or atleast he thinks of him as being one he is the type of person who thinks a lot and has a lot going into his mind...you would see where this tale of not-so typical yet relatable boy goes. And hopefully enjoy it, every view counts... thank you. Link : https://www.wattpad.com/story/145347681 (please give it a try) Last edited by pdurrant; 04-17-2018 at 09:53 AM. Reason: substituted for shortened URL

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04-19-2018, 10:15 AM	#2
BookCat C L J Posts: 2,911 Karma: 21115458 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Birmingham UK Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2	Shouldn't this be in the Shameless Promotion thread?

04-19-2018, 12:58 PM	#4
BookCat C L J Posts: 2,911 Karma: 21115458 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Birmingham UK Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2	I took a very quick look at it. The writing needs lots of editing. When you've finished, if you want to publish this, maybe have it looked at by a professional editor. Is English your first language? I got the impression that it may not be. I didn't read enough of it to say anything about the storyline.

04-19-2018, 08:50 PM	#5
gmw cacoethes scribendi Posts: 5,818 Karma: 137770742 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Australia Device: Kobo Aura One & H2Ov2, Sony PRS-650	BookCat, you have been very kind in your assessment. One of the reasons I left this alone was that I could not make out the true intention of the post and sample text; it did not seem like a serious offering to me. The text as it is now is too poorly presented to even start to make out the the story. It looks like it was typed in as a series of text messages on a phone. Poor sentence structure, poor paragraphing, inconsistent dialogue presentation. It is barely comprehensible, and very few readers are going to put in the effort needed to understand the text. Either the author is lazy or they do not know how to present narrative text in English, either problem can be fixed. Do the best you can to make the text understandable first, then ask some friends - who read English stories and know how they should be presented - to help you check the text before going public again. As it is now, all you are doing is turning people away.

04-19-2018, 11:08 PM	#6
pendragginp Guru Posts: 985 Karma: 4567263 Join Date: May 2009 Location: The End Of The Earth Device: Several	I agree that this beginning needs a lot of editing, but hey, a rough draft is expected to be rough, right? I could be interested in this story, but right now it isn't ready to be presented. Don't get discouraged though! One last thought - are you writing YA because you are YA? The voice sounds very young, but maybe that's just your intention.