Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[drjd]

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I can't believe it took me a few seconds to get that!

Spoiler:

Pretty fast though, WT! It took me an hour to get when I first read it.

Hear about the wig thief? He had a hair owin' addiction.

[PoP]

When autocorrect is not your worst enema

[WT Sharpe]

Originally Posted by PoP

When autocorrect is not your worst enema

Worthy!!!

[cromag]

I can't remember who, but I once saw a stand-up comedian who had something like this in his routine. It involved the lowering of standards so the military could meet enlistment targets and an enlisted man who innocently pressed a button marked "Lunch."

[yvanleterrible]

Originally Posted by cromag

I can't remember who, but I once saw a stand-up comedian who had something like this in his routine. It involved the lowering of standards so the military could meet enlistment targets and an enlisted man who innocently pressed a button marked "Lunch."

Of course he would. The growling conflict in your stomach may be more of a threat than some snipers dozens of miles away...

[orlok]

[yvanleterrible]

Originally Posted by orlok

Attachment 156623

I would bet that the donator will need that eye pad after she slugs him.

[drjd]

I have written several papers regarding weather effects. I saved them all in the cloud.

[Fbone]

Listless: The way most men go grocery shopping.

[orlok]

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his mission in the jungle, where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them, was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response.
They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and repeats, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about his results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.
As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied,
"My bike."

[drjd]

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."

"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"

[Fbone]

Two hats hung on a hat rack by the front door. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

[drjd]

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

My Billy used to do the same things," the older woman replied, "but I broke him of that pesky habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth!"

[drjd]

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes the teacher asked, 'Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . .?'

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, 'I guess you'd be eating alone.'

[drjd]

A quarter-acre of undeveloped land may not seem like much to some people, but to me it's a lot.