The Vent and Rant Thread

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

Why are you blamed for stuff that happens between your father and your uncle? Are you taking care for a big part of this court stuff? If so, you could 'suggest' to the person blaming you that you'd be happy to have them do the work, if they think it can or should be done better.

It's twofold. For as long as I can remember during stressful periods I get blamed for things that go wrong. If I do something right, say spend half a day making decorations for the shop window that customer love, it's my sister who gets the credit for it.

Second, I know my father blames me for not waking up sooner during the fire. I've heard him tell acquaintances that if I had woken up sooner the damage wouldn't have been as big (conveniently forgetting he didn't wake up at all until we woke him). After the fire my uncle thought it was the right time to do what he probably wanted to do for a long time. Just after we opened the store again and it looks like things could start to go back to normal my uncle started the whole process. Those two events are linked into one because they followed each other so soon. Hence me also being blamed for my uncles adult temper tantrum. Also if I had woken up sooner and the damage wouldn't have been as big we would have more money to fight my uncle.

Also, I'm not useful. My sister studied law, and although she specialized in notary law she helps with deciphering the letters from lawyers and court and helps write letters to those same people. I can't do that, I can only help in the store and by being the lightning rod for everybody to get rid their stress.

As I said, after four years I'm incredibly tired.

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by CRussel

I'm on the "Build of the Week" club, so I'm sort of used to long periods of waiting for the latest build to install. The good news, from my perspective, is that they seem to have the details pretty much worked out, and I haven't had a failed install in a long time.

That's true, I can remember a time when updates regularly caused more problems than they solved.

I am getting tired of MS pushing OneDrive, though. I've unselected the option of having it start automatically when Windows is started, but it keeps starting automatically anyway.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

It's twofold. For as long as I can remember during stressful periods I get blamed for things that go wrong. If I do something right, say spend half a day making decorations for the shop window that customer love, it's my sister who gets the credit for it.

Eh, wait. Let me get this straight.

Something happens, not caused by you, and you get the blame.
You do something nice, all by yourself, and your sister gets the credit.

Where did i hear of a situation like that before... oh yeah. In Cinderella.

If I had been you, I'd have found my own job outside of the store, and high-tailed out of there a long time ago.

Second, I know my father blames me for not waking up sooner during the fire. I've heard him tell acquaintances that if I had woken up sooner the damage wouldn't have been as big (conveniently forgetting he didn't wake up at all until we woke him).

WTF. It's *his* shop, isn't it? Install a (louder) fire alarm, or even one that's connected to the fire station at all times. The fire brigade might actually arrive before you wake up.

After the fire my uncle thought it was the right time to do what he probably wanted to do for a long time. Just after we opened the store again and it looks like things could start to go back to normal my uncle started the whole process. Those two events are linked into one because they followed each other so soon. Hence me also being blamed for my uncles adult temper tantrum. Also if I had woken up sooner and the damage wouldn't have been as big we would have more money to fight my uncle.

So what is it you're fighting about? It looks like he saw his chance to start a law suit because you might actually lose it because of being short on cash after a fire. Nice sort of uncle you have there.

Still, in the end, it's your father's brother, so let *him* deal with it.

Also, I'm not useful. My sister studied law, and although she specialized in notary law she helps with deciphering the letters from lawyers and court and helps write letters to those same people. I can't do that, I can only help in the store and by being the lightning rod for everybody to get rid their stress.

As I said, after four years I'm incredibly tired.

I'd have left after the first year if I were you.

But, to some extent, I know how you feel. My mom has told me more than once that I should start leading a 'normal' life.

With 'normal', she means find a girlfriend that stays at home to care for the children (or works part time at most), buy the said home (as big and expensive as you can afford), have two cars (one for each) and then live on the edge of financial possibilities. You should be afraid the government lowers this or that subsidy by €5, because in that case, you can't eat for one day in the week, and turn around every penny seven times before spending it.

Basically, finish school as soon as possible, get to work, raise kids, live on the edge of your financial means for like 25 years, work another 15-20 years, be pensioned off at 60-67 and die. The 'perfect life' according to mom, and society, it seems.

I've just described my sister's life, and my mom thinks she's doing wonderful "despite the fact she only finished high school."

My life?

I've finished a bachelor degree in IT, and I'm currently (slowly) working through a master I started last year... just because I could. Technically, I'm still 'in school' in my mid-thirties. My mom thinks it's ridiculous. In my 40 hour work week, I earn as much money as my sister and brother-in-law do together, in their combined 60 hours of work, and if all goes according to plan, it'll get better after the master is done; assuming I can find/switch to a job at that level.

I have no children. Because of poor eyesight, I have no car, but work pays for my public transport subscription, so I go (almost) everywhere for free. Yeah, I'd like to have a car, but I can't, so I've learned to live with that 20 years ago. I live in the smallest and cheapest rented condo I can possibly get away with, and stripped all subscriptions I could, apart from internet and mobile phone, simply because I'm either not home, or if I am, I don't need them. I want to be able to move at a moment's notice, precisely because I can't drive a car. I don't smoke. Or drink. I go through 2 bottles of whiskey... per year. At the most, mostly because I get them as presents for birthday and Christmas. (I find that stuff waaay too expensive to buy regularly.)

The end result is that I can do (and indeed do) what-ever-the-frack I want. I buy what I want, when I want, as long as I stay somewhat within reason. I can actually still save money.

Mind you: I'm not rich by any means, but I live positively spartan and quite frugal most of the time, which is why I can do whatever I want most of the time.

According to my mom, I still live like a 20 year old student, and it's about time I got my act together. Getting a girlfriend after such a long break gave her some hope apparently, seeing some of the comments I received.

If my mom thinks my life is becoming more 'normal' now, she couldn't be further from the truth. If anything, it has become even less mainstream... but I'm noit going to tell her. I don't want to murder her by causing a quadruple heart attack

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

Eh, wait. Let me get this straight.

So what is it you're fighting about? It looks like he saw his chance to start a law suit because you might actually lose it because of being short on cash after a fire. Nice sort of uncle you have there.

Still, in the end, it's your father's brother, so let *him* deal with it.

It's a long story:

Spoiler:

Around the time of my birth my father took over the store from my grandfather, my grandparents moved out of the house upstairs and we moved in (just before I was born). My father wanted to buy the building, but due to unfavorable taxes at the time he agreed with my grandfather that after his death my father could buy the building from my grandmother for a certain sum of money. Also, my father took on the store's debt (a lot) and managed to clear it after years of hard work. My grandfather didn't put it in his will as agreed.

About a decade after my grandfather died my grandmothers "forgetfulness" turns into dementia and after a fall she's taken into care and my uncle and aunt become guardians. My uncle takes care of the money side, my aunt of my grandmother's care.

After the disappointing will my father already knew what was coming. He knew my uncle thought that the building was worth a lot of money and that he would become the one taking care of the will of my grandmother when she died. My father also knew my uncle didn't like his parents (he thought they didn't support him enough and was jealous of his siblings). At that time my father stopped slowly renovating the building and only did the maintenance that was necessary. He knew that at my grandmother's death my uncle would do anything to get the best deal and wouldn't care to follow my grandparent's wishes.

With my grandmother senile, my father financially weakened by the fire and the disappointing sale of my grandmother's apartment (my uncle's fault), he saw the opportunity to sell the building with our store and home in it.

In short, he offered it to my father for a certain amount of money under the condition my father would secure finance before a certain date. My father did. However, two months before the deadline my uncle conditionally sold the building to another person. He first admitted he made a mistake (he probably didn't expect my father to get finances straightened out) and would make things right. A week later he did a 180 and didn't want to sell to us, because he didn't like the way my father had arranged the finances (as if he had anything to say about that). Luckily by that time we had seized the building, because my uncle tried to make a final sale to the other person.

Basically my uncle is throwing a huge temper tantrum and tries to get back at his family for supposedly not supporting him.

Since then there have been and still are several court cases about it and he's been spending my grandmother's money on it (not any more since she has died, though he is still trying to get his lawyer paid from the inheritance). Also he did some shady moving around with my grandmother's money.

One of the strange things he did was "forgetting" to have certain insurance policies after moving to another insurance company. After the fire this came out and he had to take out those insurances again. One of them was the window insurance (our store has a huge window). My uncle send us the policy, obviously not thinking we would read it. We did, and it turns out our building is not insured for damages to the windows. My uncle has listed his own home as an annexe to the store and has that insured. We are now using this against him in one of the court cases.

I first stayed because I might want to take over the store in the future. But it seems less likely my father will entrust me with that (he did before the fire). I am now staying more out of duty and because I know that if I go my father won't be able to cope alone in the store and my mother won't be able to cope with the household. I still kinda hope of taking over the store (I've been taking on more and more in the store). And we do have fun times, but the past four years have been hard. And for some weird reason I really got depressed last Friday after we got my uncle's reaction. We'll see where it ends.

[Bilbo1967]

Probably none of my business, but, wow, people have complicated lives!

Rumpelteazer, it sounds like you're just a really nice person who's, possibly, getting a bit of a bad deal from other family members who don't seem as nice. That sucks.

Katsunami, it seems like you have a slightly unconventional lifestyle, but it works for you and you're certainly not hurting anybody else. I hope you keep enjoying it

Me; married for almost 25 years, two kids, one working and one still at school (both still living at home). A job I enjoy a lot (consultancy director) but with a company that may be on the verge of going bankrupt. Thankfully, no family problems.

[John K]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

But, to some extent, I know how you feel. My mom has told me more than once that I should start leading a 'normal' life.

I think civilization needs people who are disconnected from mainstream values. It's alarming how much influence advertising and entertainment have. I worry we're moving towards Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World.

I read an interesting article this morning on the development of psychological manipulation of values:
Politicians used Freudian ideas to first convince Americans they needed capitalism.

[CRussel]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

That's true, I can remember a time when updates regularly caused more problems than they solved.

I am getting tired of MS pushing OneDrive, though. I've unselected the option of having it start automatically when Windows is started, but it keeps starting automatically anyway.

I'm very happy with OneDrive, and use it extensively. It's free, it's had fewer demonstrated problems than some of the alternatives, and the integration makes it work well with how I function.

[Hitch]

Am I the only one who's bummed out, b/c American Gods is, like, lousy???? Or, am I the only idiot who thinks it's lousy?

Hitch

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by Hitch

Am I the only one who's bummed out, b/c American Gods is, like, lousy???? Or, am I the only idiot who thinks it's lousy?

Hitch

I haven't watched it yet, I finished rereading the book two days ago. I had planned to wait until at least a couple of episodes were aired, so I could have a mini-binge. Now I might have to watch the first two episodes soon, to see if I like it or not.

Btw, having read the first two Rivers of London/Peter Grant books I can't help but imagine Ian McShane as Father Thames.

Sent from my SM-T713 using Tapatalk

[Rumpelteazer]

For some reason every day at 21 minutes past midnight I briefly lose my wifi connection. Not a problem for most devices, but my Sonos takes a couple of minutes to log on again. Which is annoying when you're listening to a podcast (it doesn't remember where it stopped).

I suspect the modem/router, since my old internet radio regularly rebooted around the same time. I blamed the radio. When I got the Sonos I also got a new access point. I will have to check if it's a setting that can be changed.

Sent from my SM-T713 using Tapatalk

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

I haven't watched it yet, I finished rereading the book two days ago. I had planned to wait until at least a couple of episodes were aired, so I could have a mini-binge. Now I might have to watch the first two episodes soon, to see if I like it or not.

Btw, having read the first two Rivers of London/Peter Grant books I can't help but imagine Ian McShane as Father Thames.

Sent from my SM-T713 using Tapatalk

Ditto (Father Thames).

I'm utterly bummed, particularly as I'd told the spouse that he was going to LOVE THIS, and it SUCKS!!! I got done with the second episode last night, and I was glassy-eyed--from boredom and just ick.

Hitch

[CRussel]

Well, Hitch, that helps me not fret about not having seen it yet!!!

And yes, McShane would be perfect as Father Thames. (And that's a movie/series I'd be quite interested in seeing made, fwiw.)

[Glorfindel]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

For some reason every day at 21 minutes past midnight I briefly lose my wifi connection. Not a problem for most devices, but my Sonos takes a couple of minutes to log on again. Which is annoying when you're listening to a podcast (it doesn't remember where it stopped).

I suspect the modem/router, since my old internet radio regularly rebooted around the same time. I blamed the radio. When I got the Sonos I also got a new access point. I will have to check if it's a setting that can be changed.

Sent from my SM-T713 using Tapatalk

It's probably getting a new ip address

[Freeshadow]

Originally Posted by Glorfindel

It's probably getting a new ip address

That.
24h reconnect os the main difference between consumer flstrate and costly continuous connection.

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by Glorfindel

It's probably getting a new ip address

Originally Posted by Freeshadow

That.
24h reconnect os the main difference between consumer flstrate and costly continuous connection.

It probably is, either as a setting in our router or the provider does it remotely. I couldn't find a setting on the router's page, but I might have missed it. So I emailed our provider, asking if it's normal behaviour and if it is if there's a way to move the reset time to a couple of hours later, when the chance of me listening to the radio are lower.