Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 637

Fbone · 02-06-2017, 10:33 PM

An untalented gymnast walks into a bar.

timebug · 02-07-2017, 05:52 AM

Teaches asks children what their parents do for a
living. One little lad tells her that his father works
in a place that makes toilet rolls and lightbulbs.
'How do you know that's what they make?' the
teacher asked.
'Well...that's what he brings home every day!' was
the reply.

DMcCunney · 02-07-2017, 10:48 AM

Along that line, there's the story about the beloved French girl's school teacher whose students get her gifts for her birthday.

She accepts the first gift, from the daughter of a florist, hefts it, smells it, and says "I bet this is a bouquet of fine roses!" "Yes, teacher!"

She accepts the second gift from the daughter of a cheesemonger,, hefts it, smells it, and says "Ah! This must be a round of fine Brie cheese!" "Yes, teacher!"

She accepts the third gift from the daughter of a wine seller, and notices moisture leaking from the bottom. She runs her finger across the leak and tastes it. "Ah! This must be a leaking bottle of fine wine!" "No, teacher. It's a puppy!"
______
Dennis

Fbone · 02-07-2017, 08:20 PM

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

Fbone · 02-08-2017, 08:34 PM

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.

drjd · 02-09-2017, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

Along that line, there's the story about the beloved French girl's school teacher whose students get her gifts for her birthday.

She accepts the first gift, from the daughter of a florist, hefts it, smells it, and says "I bet this is a bouquet of fine roses!" "Yes, teacher!"

She accepts the second gift from the daughter of a cheesemonger,, hefts it, smells it, and says "Ah! This must be a round of fine Brie cheese!" "Yes, teacher!"

She accepts the third gift from the daughter of a wine seller, and notices moisture leaking from the bottom. She runs her finger across the leak and tastes it. "Ah! This must be a leaking bottle of fine wine!" "No, teacher. It's a puppy!"
______
Dennis

Those who are willing to taste unfamiliar foods will try-yum-ph in the end.

Fbone · 02-10-2017, 03:36 AM

I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my property over the weekend, my neighbour is dead against it.

KenMagee · 02-10-2017, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my property over the weekend, my neighbour is dead against it.

Nice one

badgoodDeb · 02-10-2017, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my property over the weekend, my neighbour is dead against it.

:O !! Good one, but a little too blatant for US English.* I would probably say "dead set against it". "Dead against it" has only one immediate meaning (a literal death), with the "doesn't like it" meaning being one I had to search for, mentally.

*Or are you US ?

Fbone · 02-10-2017, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

:O !! Good one, but a little too blatant for US English.* I would probably say "dead set against it". "Dead against it" has only one immediate meaning (a literal death), with the "doesn't like it" meaning being one I had to search for, mentally.

*Or are you US ?

I'm in US.

Fbone · 02-10-2017, 10:49 PM

I make apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

drjd · 02-11-2017, 04:06 AM

“I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.”

Fbone · 02-12-2017, 02:59 AM

I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.

yvanleterrible · 02-12-2017, 09:44 AM

I can't give you karma at this time but I can surely show you my appreciation for all those puns this way...

cromag · 02-12-2017, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.

That's what happens to salesmen who won't toe the line. Still, I think your boss was a heel.

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02-06-2017, 10:33 PM	#9541
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,320 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	An untalented gymnast walks into a bar.

02-07-2017, 05:52 AM	#9542
timebug Ancient Sage Posts: 14,585 Karma: 15493448 Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: Derby U.K. Device: Kobo Reader	Teaches asks children what their parents do for a living. One little lad tells her that his father works in a place that makes toilet rolls and lightbulbs. 'How do you know that's what they make?' the teacher asked. 'Well...that's what he brings home every day!' was the reply.

02-07-2017, 10:48 AM	#9543
DMcCunney New York Editor Posts: 6,384 Karma: 16540415 Join Date: Aug 2007 Device: PalmTX, Pocket eDGe, Alcatel Fierce 4, RCA Viking Pro 10, Nexus 7	Along that line, there's the story about the beloved French girl's school teacher whose students get her gifts for her birthday. She accepts the first gift, from the daughter of a florist, hefts it, smells it, and says "I bet this is a bouquet of fine roses!" "Yes, teacher!" She accepts the second gift from the daughter of a cheesemonger,, hefts it, smells it, and says "Ah! This must be a round of fine Brie cheese!" "Yes, teacher!" She accepts the third gift from the daughter of a wine seller, and notices moisture leaking from the bottom. She runs her finger across the leak and tastes it. "Ah! This must be a leaking bottle of fine wine!" "No, teacher. It's a puppy!" ______ Dennis

02-07-2017, 08:20 PM	#9544
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,320 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

02-08-2017, 08:34 PM	#9545
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,320 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.

02-10-2017, 03:36 AM	#9547
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,320 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my property over the weekend, my neighbour is dead against it.

02-10-2017, 10:49 PM	#9551
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,320 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I make apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

02-11-2017, 04:06 AM	#9552
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	“I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.”

02-12-2017, 02:59 AM	#9553
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,320 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.

02-12-2017, 09:44 AM	#9554
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	I can't give you karma at this time but I can surely show you my appreciation for all those puns this way...