The Vent and Rant Thread

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by Hemmi

Yeah! So glad others stepped up where one person failed you.

Hopefully the gal in Indiana is not allowed to participate in further swaps since she's the only one that flaked.

Turns out she's good friends with the hostess. So I just spent an hour in chat being bullied by the two. I learned somethings but I still doubt she will send the books.

I should have known better when I didn't get a reply from the hostess. Had she replied I wouldn't have posted publicly. Oh well. The girl told me I made her look bad and I'd embarrassed her. She then went whining to her friend the hostess who moderated an hour chat. The hostess call me uncompassionate about her friends difficult circumstances. I let the hostess know she about my desperate circumstances. I hate when people use their circumstances as an excuse not to fulfill an obligation that easily can be taken care of.

Sent from my Nexus 7

[Hemmi]

She deserves to be embarrased! Don't commit to something if you can't follow thru. We all have difficult circumstances and are busy this time of year. It does not take long to get someone a gift card or even Paypal them some money if you can't follow thru with sending some books out. Or, go to the hostess and ask them to cover you for this swap if you're such good friends.

They both deserve to be made to look bad. Bad hostess and bad swap participant. Can spend an hour bulling you in chat but can't take 10 minutes or less to make it right.

[Blossom]

The hostess tried to make me feel bad several times but seeing my situation has been dire to what this girl's is that was hard to do.

Sent from my XT1528

[FizzyWater]

It would have been simple enough for the woman to contact you and let you know there's a delay or to contact the hostess and ask to have your name assigned to someone else.

Regardless of her circumstances (or yours), it's simple courtesy to let someone know if you're having trouble meeting an obligation you've committed to. There were options other than "stick my head in the sand and hope she doesn't notice".

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by FizzyWater

It would have been simple enough for the woman to contact you and let you know there's a delay or to contact the hostess and ask to have your name assigned to someone else.

Regardless of her circumstances (or yours), it's simple courtesy to let someone know if you're having trouble meeting an obligation you've committed to. There were options other than "stick my head in the sand and hope she doesn't notice".

Especially after I sent her 8 books.

The hostess ignore me when I messaged her Friday but she jump the minute her friend went to her after she saw the public post I made Sunday to supposely embarrassed my partner. One I did not mention names and two when someone asked about the list that shows all the names I explained what it was but did not tell them where to find it.

This is not the first time this has happened as with any exchange but I'm the first to really rock the boat it seems.

I told her just to send them back and we can just forget it happened. Neither liked my idea. I was asked what my problem was.

Sent from my Nexus 7

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Especially after I sent her 8 books.

The hostess ignore me when I messaged her Friday but she jump the minute her friend went to her after she saw the public post I made Sunday to supposely embarrassed my partner. One I did not mention names and two when someone asked about the list that shows all the names I explained what it was but did not tell them where to find it.

This is not the first time this has happened as with any exchange but I'm the first to really rock the boat it seems.

I told her just to send them back and we can just forget it happened. Neither liked my idea. I was asked what my problem was.

Sent from my Nexus 7

Honestly...

These two sound like the typical woman who just make me CRINGE about my gender. That sort of "oh, you're not NICE!" whining and bullying drives me nuts. I don't CARE if she has rough circumstances. So what? If her circs are that dire, then DON'T partake in the group. If you think you can't get out to the PO, or whatever, to send books, then do not say you will.

There's nothing complex about it. Either do what you say you will, or don't commit. Period. The fact that she had the moderator GANG UP on you just infuriates me. I loathe people like that. If I'd been jerked around like that, I'd have done a LOT more than one post that didn't even name the perp.

What a load. You tell those two that an agreement like that is a CONTRACT. No, not quite like a homeloan, but a contract nonetheless. Hell, more enforceable than many, as it's not only verbal. Tell them to put up or shut up.

GRRRRRRRRRRRR. "Oh, no, you're not NICE! What's your PROBLEM? You're not acting like a nice shrinking violet, who should take all the crap we deal out, and not--omg!--EMBARRASS us! Act more like a GIRL!"

Disgusting.


Oh, and then? Leave the group, and leave a post telling them all WHY. Asshats.


Hitch

[Blossom]

The group is wonderful. Three ladies are sending me books. They were not involved in any with the exchange but didn't think it was right the way I was treated. The support has been overwhelming. It's just these two and the first thing the hostess implied was everything said was to remain private. She then posted to the group it was just a misunderstanding and it was being taken care of. There is no misunderstanding on my part.

The hostess is not an admin.

I knew I didn't have a chance and was already judged in the hostess eyes. She didn't ask me anything about the situation. I had to come back with my side of the story in defense of accusations.

Sent from my XT1528

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Hitch

Honestly...

These two sound like the typical woman who just make me CRINGE about my gender. That sort of "oh, you're not NICE!" whining and bullying drives me nuts. I don't CARE if she has rough circumstances. So what? If her circs are that dire, then DON'T partake in the group. If you think you can't get out to the PO, or whatever, to send books, then do not say you will.

There's nothing complex about it. Either do what you say you will, or don't commit. Period. The fact that she had the moderator GANG UP on you just infuriates me. I loathe people like that. If I'd been jerked around like that, I'd have done a LOT more than one post that didn't even name the perp.

What a load. You tell those two that an agreement like that is a CONTRACT. No, not quite like a homeloan, but a contract nonetheless. Hell, more enforceable than many, as it's not only verbal. Tell them to put up or shut up.

GRRRRRRRRRRRR. "Oh, no, you're not NICE! What's your PROBLEM? You're not acting like a nice shrinking violet, who should take all the crap we deal out, and not--omg!--EMBARRASS us! Act more like a GIRL!"

Disgusting.


Oh, and then? Leave the group, and leave a post telling them all WHY. Asshats.


Hitch

This, this this and this.

[Blossom]

I've had time to think about yesterday. It felt treated like I was in the principal office instead of being treated like an adult. Totally funny because the hostess is just a kid. She's in her late twenties. I think I held my own though. I'm going on 40 and been to hell and back too many times to count to let some kid push me around. I'm off to unfriend her. I want nothing to do with her or her friend she teamed me up with.

The group in a whole though is wonderful. Sarah was really nice when I told them about the sudden passing of my cousin's wife last week. She was killed in a accident. It's been a rough couple of months and I don't need this crap to add to it.

The ladies of group have been really wonderful and very persistent in making things right . I got over ten offers to send books. I accepted one but two other ladies wouldn't take no for an answer. So sweet and wonderful. So I reluctantly accepted. There are over 4000 members so not going to let two kids ruin it for me.

Sent from my XT1528

[Hemmi]

Definitely don't let them ruin the whole group for you.

At least it's a warning to other members to not join anything this lady is hosting in the future since she's a poor hostess.

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

Oh, and when looking at articles on the net, it seems my suspicions are correct. TV is for old people. All of the big networks have average viewer ages of at least 50+, some even 60+. Younger people are not watching broadcast TV anymore. They either use services such as Netflix, or even stuff posted at sites such as YouTube (legal or not).

TV is alive and well here. The question is the delivery medium.

Broadcast TV still exists, but is way down. The primary delivery medium for TV is cable or satellite dish. I'm an example. I live in the borough of Manhattan in New York City. Broadcast TV is hopeless. Back when we were still trying to get it, there was perhaps one channel that came in clearly, and that was because its transmitter was atop the Empire State Building, which is in walking distance of me. Any other channel was barely discernible hash, because broadcast TV signals and skyscrapers don't mix.

The broadcast channels are also carried on cable or dish and are generally part of the basic service package.

The major networks - ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox - all still exist and are moderately healthy.

I haven't watched a TV program for the last 15 years. The only reason I have a TV is because I want to watch movies on Blu-Ray and DVD. If there's some documentary I want to watch, I'll find it on the internet somewhere if Netflix doesn't have it. Maybe I'll add something like Chromecast some time.

TV here is the SO's thing. For the most part, I don't watch it. I do spend most waking hours in front of a screen, but it's the big monitor for my desktop, and I'm not normally watching video.

“That form of entertainment [television] did not last much beyond the year 2040.” Mr. Data – Star Trek: The Next Generation – The Neutral Zone.”

Data was probably optimistic. I don't expect TV to last until 2040, but still, the show's writers were in the ballpark.

TV will still be present, but the form is likely to differ.

(If you don't consider yourself to be part of the 'old people' described in these last two posts, for whatever reason, then just ignore them )

I am indeed one of the old people, but likely not representative of the demographic.
______
Dennis

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Hitch

Honestly...

These two sound like the typical woman who just make me CRINGE about my gender. That sort of "oh, you're not NICE!" whining and bullying drives me nuts. I don't CARE if she has rough circumstances. So what? If her circs are that dire, then DON'T partake in the group. If you think you can't get out to the PO, or whatever, to send books, then do not say you will.

I saw an example of that a while back.

One of my hobby efforts is helping plan and run literary SF conventions. At one such effort, an old woman friend volunteered to handle programming. Another woman friend volunteered to assist. Time passed, and no communication occurred. Program Director was unable to get status updates from assistant.

It finally transpired that assistant had Real Life issues and couldn't do the work. By the time this was made clear, it was after the last minute, Program Director and Con Chair had to madly scramble to pull things together, and the results weren't what they could have been.

Had assistant opened her mouth earlier and said "I have Real Life issues, and can't do this.", other hands could have picked up the slack, but she waited till the deadline was past before saying anything. Assistant and Program Director had been good friends before this. That's no longer the case. And Program Director is still mystified about why assistant couldn't simply open her mouth and say she couldn't get the work done back when it would have been possible for others to assist.

My best guess is being in a perceived position of power where she doesn't have to do things like exercise elementary courtesy, and is counting on a culture where you aren't supposed to say unpleasant things about others regardless to avoid being called on it.

I saw a note elsewhere about an open source programming language development effort that implemented a code of conduct on their development list. Programmers tend to be fairly blunt in criticism of poor code contributions, and there were apparently special snowflakes whose feelings were hurt when their code wasn't accepted for inclusion in the master sources. The compiler doesn't care about your feelings. If your code won't compile without errors, it won't get included.

I see too much "Oh, dear! At all costs we must avoid hurting people's feelings!" elsewhere, regardless of how reprehensible someone's behavior is. That will come back to bite soon enough.
______
Dennis

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

TV is alive and well here. The question is the delivery medium.

Broadcast TV still exists, but is way down.

With broadcast TV, I meant everything: antenna and cable, i.e. 'programs for which you need to stay home at a specific time.'

Most people my age and younger only have a TV for DVD/Blu-Ray, Netflix, and casting the occiasional YouTube video. If they have cable at all, it's because it comes as a package with internet. (Can't have cable internet without basic cable TV with most providers here.)

After I move (again...), I'm going to look into internet without cable TV again, but up until now, the speed wasn't good enough. I don't need huge speeds, but 40-50 MBit (5+ MB/s) would be preferable. Up until now, the price for a 50 MBit DSL/Fiber connection was higher than a 100 MBit cable/TV combo.

===

About the book swap: so you send out 8 books, get nothing in return, and then get asked 'what the hell your problem is' after you complain about it? I think I've seen a new low in human behavior.

===

Publishers are asking why people don't read a lot anymore, and lament that book stores are going on the fritz? How could that be?

Well, maybe because reading isn't affordable in the Netherlands?

While doing some christmas shopping, i ended up in a book store.

An average (new) paperback in Dutch, 250 pages long in largish print, costs between €20 and €25. The same books as e-books cost €8-12.

Hell, even The Hobbit (in Dutch), which is also around 250 pages, costs €20 in paperback, and €25 in hardcover.

If you're the least bit technically inclined and/or have some help with ebooks, you can save like 60%-70% right there; The Hobbit in Dutch is about €10, in English it costs around €8). For €25, you can get The Hobbit and all three Lord of the Rings books (in Dutch); if you shop around, they can be cheaper.

(The three paperbacks making up The Lord of the Rings cost €20 a piece in Dutch... in book stores.)

People who think that ebooks are more expensive than paper books are sadly mistaken, at least in the Netherlands. I'm not even taking coupons into account.

[Blossom]

Kat it's the whole I'm a victim of my circumstances mentality that runs rampant. I'm a very compassionate person. My life's dream was to be a missionary. My health stopped that.

Not bragging just explaining who I am.
Before we fell on hard times. I sent shoeboxes nearly every Christmas to another country filled with gifts, toys and candy. We always tried to do something like this. One year we did Angel tree. We adopted for Christmas a little girl. We went overboard but with no kids of our own it was fun.
We been supporting homeless shelters for years, food banks donating meals to families at Thanksgiving, Christmas even Hannakuh. I've been known to pick a homeless person off the street and get them in a shelter. I've given my last dollar to someone who was hungry because I know what it feels like to starve. Boy do I ever know that feeling. One year we took a box of Thanksgiving food to the projects and gave them to this lady everyone called Grandma. She fixed a dinner and fed several of the neighborhood immigrants children.

I'm not heartless or uncompassionate but I can spot real needs vs someone thinking they have real needs that make me want to show them what real needs are.

My life's dream would be setting up a charity and helping those who fall through the cracks because there are many out there that do not qualify for any assistance.

I wish I had never done the exchange but I am learning from it.

Sent from my XT1528

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Blossom

My life's dream would be setting up a charity and helping those who fall through the cracks because there are many out there that do not qualify for any assistance.

Do you have the possibility to do something like helping to cook at a homeless shelter? Even though it's not your very own charity, you can at least contribute to one.

I wish I had never done the exchange but I am learning from it.

What did you effectively lose? Some (8?) books you've already read?

To me, the low-life behavior of the other woman (and her hostess friend, it seems) would bother me much more than actually losing those books.

I'm not really materialistic. Apart from my piano, which is too expensive to just replace (but which isn't likely to be stolen as you'd need a small bus to move it), I don't really care about anything I own. It can be replaced, either by myself or my insurance, and I don't own that much.

Getting robbed or scammed damages my trust in others, which is much more severe than actually losing the stuff. I suspect it's the same for you, or even more so.