The Vent and Rant Thread

[Rumpelteazer]

One of my cousins took it upon herself, after my grandmother's death, to get into contact with all the cousins to discuss flower arrangements and if they wanted to say anything during the funeral service.

For my the scattering of my grandmother's ashes the idea was that the grandchildren would do this in the forrest we always went to with our grandparents. My parents and my father's sister and husband already offered to go to the restaurant at the edge of the forrest and, with any partners that want to join, look after the kids of the various cousins whilst we go scatter the ashes.

My father volunteered my sister and I to organize this. With that he means I should do it. I was hesitant, I knew the Family Thing with my father's brother would rear its head, but today I contacted all the cousins. I also asked, as I discussed with my parents, if anyone would ask if my ex-aunt would like to come (since she went to visit my grandmother more often than her ex, my uncle).

This, logically, caused problems. One of my cousins asked if her father and his girlfriend knew about these plans and if he knew he wasn't welcome. I told her I would ask, but now my father's annoyed with me. But he's going to talk to my aunt tonight about contacting my uncle. I hope my father doesn't "volunteer" me to do it, because I won't.

I hate it that I'm the "resonsible" one and am expected to take care of these things and my sister get off without doing anything/much but usually gets the credits.

It also doesn't help that I'm feeling very ambivalent towards the cousins from my uncle's side of the family. During the get together after my grandmother's funeral everyone was feeling very sorry for those cousins, who didn't contact us during the whole Family Thing because they were afraid the rest of the family was also upset with them. However, nobody seems to realize that for over two and a half years my father, mother, sister and I were utterly alone in the Family Thing. My aunt tried to be neutral and we didn't hear from the other cousins. Only 10 months, or so, ago did my aunt realize my uncle was in the wrong and sided with us.

Today started really nice, but I'm now fighting an anxiety attack over this.

[pdurrant]

Objects with more than one constructor should ALWAYS use a common initialisation method!

#OtherPeoplesCode

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

One of my cousins took it upon herself, after my grandmother's death, to get into contact with all the cousins to discuss flower arrangements and if they wanted to say anything during the funeral service.

For my the scattering of my grandmother's ashes the idea was that the grandchildren would do this in the forrest we always went to with our grandparents. My parents and my father's sister and husband already offered to go to the restaurant at the edge of the forrest and, with any partners that want to join, look after the kids of the various cousins whilst we go scatter the ashes.

My father volunteered my sister and I to organize this. With that he means I should do it. I was hesitant, I knew the Family Thing with my father's brother would rear its head, but today I contacted all the cousins. I also asked, as I discussed with my parents, if anyone would ask if my ex-aunt would like to come (since she went to visit my grandmother more often than her ex, my uncle).

This, logically, caused problems. One of my cousins asked if her father and his girlfriend knew about these plans and if he knew he wasn't welcome. I told her I would ask, but now my father's annoyed with me. But he's going to talk to my aunt tonight about contacting my uncle. I hope my father doesn't "volunteer" me to do it, because I won't.

I hate it that I'm the "resonsible" one and am expected to take care of these things and my sister get off without doing anything/much but usually gets the credits.

It also doesn't help that I'm feeling very ambivalent towards the cousins from my uncle's side of the family. During the get together after my grandmother's funeral everyone was feeling very sorry for those cousins, who didn't contact us during the whole Family Thing because they were afraid the rest of the family was also upset with them. However, nobody seems to realize that for over two and a half years my father, mother, sister and I were utterly alone in the Family Thing. My aunt tried to be neutral and we didn't hear from the other cousins. Only 10 months, or so, ago did my aunt realize my uncle was in the wrong and sided with us.

Today started really nice, but I'm now fighting an anxiety attack over this.

Here are hugs and hopes that everything goes fairly smooth for the scattering.

Although it doesn't matter what you do, someone will get their panties in a twist over something. Oh wait that applies to all family gatherings.
So don't worry about it and do what you think grandmother would have wanted.
The someones can either get over it or live with uncomfortable twisted panties.

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Here are hugs and hopes that everything goes fairly smooth for the scattering.

Although it doesn't matter what you do, someone will get their panties in a twist over something. Oh wait that applies to all family gatherings.
So don't worry about it and do what you think grandmother would have wanted.
The someones can either get over it or live with uncomfortable twisted panties.

All true. But when you're accused of lying and cheating it also becomes my own problem. Interestingly in her last message she writes that it's up to my father and aunt (but not her father!) to keep us out of the Family Thing. She conveniently forgets that her father not only wants to take away my parent's home and business, but also mine.

It would have been a better idea for one of the cousins from my aunt's side of the family to organize this since they're more neutral.

My aunt is going to write an email to my uncle informing him about the plans. Chances are he will insist in coming and changing what we've planned. One thing is for sure, if he is going to be in the restaurant I won't. I know I shouldn't let him get to me, but I don't feel like I can share a table and be civil, let alone nice, to him. And it would cause me a lot of stress. Everyone else can go in if they want to, but I'll find a nice bench outside (or sit in the car if it's raining) and wait for everybody be done.

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

All true. But when you're accused of lying and cheating it also becomes my own problem. Interestingly in her last message she writes that it's up to my father and aunt (but not her father!) to keep us out of the Family Thing. She conveniently forgets that her father not only wants to take away my parent's home and business, but also mine.

It would have been a better idea for one of the cousins from my aunt's side of the family to organize this since they're more neutral.

My aunt is going to write an email to my uncle informing him about the plans. Chances are he will insist in coming and changing what we've planned. One thing is for sure, if he is going to be in the restaurant I won't. I know I shouldn't let him get to me, but I don't feel like I can share a table and be civil, let alone nice, to him. And it would cause me a lot of stress. Everyone else can go in if they want to, but I'll find a nice bench outside (or sit in the car if it's raining) and wait for everybody be done.

I understand that one completely.
I only managed to hurt one uncle's feelings, one cousin's feelings and 3 aunts got their panties sort of twisted when my father died.
Note:he was the first of 11 to pass on.
The uncle and the cousin were because I asked another aunt to please loan me her house for the luncheon rather than using my uncle's house. My dad had been living with that uncle. His living room was about 8 feet by 10 feet if that big and I was looking at more than 30 people and 2 wheelchairs.
Didn't use my house for those same two reasons. Note: The cousin that was upset was not that uncle's child. His kids understood.

Now mind you I was 31 when my dad died. My parents had been divorced for 18 years. (Thank God). My mom did not attend the funeral or even come into town. The three aunts thought my mom should have been there for us "kids". (My brother was 27.)
Not a one of them asked if me or my brother had talked to mom about it.
They hadn't talked in nearly a decade and before that it wasn't friendly between them.
Besides dad wouldn't have wanted her there.
Yes, mom had offered to come out if we needed her.

Anyway long story short: your grandmother knew you loved her and you did what you thought was best.

[Rumpelteazer]

My mother's family is so much easier. Two siblings, one hasn't got any children and the other only has one daughter. However, whilst we can get on great with them there are a lot of health problems in the last couple of years. I'm pretty certain one of my aunts is dying from cancer after beating two other cancers.

Anywho, I now heard from most cousins and we're down to 4 possible dates, but I still need to hear from 4 people (including the one causing the kerfuffle) and my ex aunt. The older sister of the problem cousin also send a message and kinda apologized for her sister. She's also the only one realizing that it'll be hard to find a date everyone is able to be there.

I've decided that I'd rather stick an arm in a wasp's nest than do this again. Every time I hear my email or Facebook ping on my phone/tablet/laptop I get stressed. It isn't even 9pm yet and I'm feeling completely drained.

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

My mother's family is so much easier. Two siblings, one hasn't got any children and the other only has one daughter. However, whilst we can get on great with them there are a lot of health problems in the last couple of years. I'm pretty certain one of my aunts is dying from cancer after beating two other cancers.

Anywho, I now heard from most cousins and we're down to 4 possible dates, but I still need to hear from 4 people (including the one causing the kerfuffle) and my ex aunt. The older sister of the problem cousin also send a message and kinda apologized for her sister. She's also the only one realizing that it'll be hard to find a date everyone is able to be there.

I've decided that I'd rather stick an arm in a wasp's nest than do this again. Every time I hear my email or Facebook ping on my phone/tablet/laptop I get stressed. It isn't even 9pm yet and I'm feeling completely drained.

You said ashes. Here is what you can do. Tell the family you are scattering the ashes on September 1. That will give them plenty of time to make arrangements.
Now what my grandmother did was wait until her brother-in-law got back to the states, had him come pick her up. She and him took my granddad's ashes to be buried. She called me, then my aunt and my mom. She said Ralph is here, as soon as I get off the phone we are going to bury granddad. No you can't come. The shocking part was the two daughters were stunned. They did not even know she had gotten his ashes back. I knew but only because I was the one that answered the door when they were mailed back.

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

My mother's family is so much easier. Two siblings, one hasn't got any children and the other only has one daughter. However, whilst we can get on great with them there are a lot of health problems in the last couple of years. I'm pretty certain one of my aunts is dying from cancer after beating two other cancers.

Anywho, I now heard from most cousins and we're down to 4 possible dates, but I still need to hear from 4 people (including the one causing the kerfuffle) and my ex aunt. The older sister of the problem cousin also send a message and kinda apologized for her sister. She's also the only one realizing that it'll be hard to find a date everyone is able to be there.

I've decided that I'd rather stick an arm in a wasp's nest than do this again. Every time I hear my email or Facebook ping on my phone/tablet/laptop I get stressed. It isn't even 9pm yet and I'm feeling completely drained.

Please don't stick your arm in a Wasp's nest. You stick the problem person's arm in a killer bee nest.
Ok just think it don't really do it.

[Rumpelteazer]

I've just received the email my aunt send. Oh, wow, just wow. This will cause a sh*tstorm, especially if some cousins read it. She told him the grandchildren will go scatter grandma's ashes and that she, my uncle, my father and mother will meet us all in the restaurant for a drink. She continues that both she and my dad do not want to see my uncle and if he plans to attend anyway he should let it be known so she and my dad can avoid him. The reason: he didn't care about grandma and ends the email be a quote from an email from my uncle earlier this year to prove her point.

If the expected storm breaks loose and I, as the organizer, end up in the middle of it I'll pull my hands off it and some other cousin can take over.

I have to admit, though, that it's nice to see my aunt telling my uncle how she really feels. Now I'm off to take a nice hot shower and curl up in bed and watch one of my guilty pleasures: Most Haunted. (and also take an aspirin for my headache)

[Cinisajoy]

Enjoy the show.
Good luck with the family.

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Enjoy the show.
Good luck with the family.

Yep, I know one thing for sure: my uncle will show up and he won't let it be known beforehand just to spite his siblings.

Sent from my SM-T713 using Tapatalk

[Cinisajoy]

If you want to talk afterwards I am here for you.

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

I've just received the email my aunt send. Oh, wow, just wow. This will cause a sh*tstorm, especially if some cousins read it. She told him the grandchildren will go scatter grandma's ashes and that she, my uncle, my father and mother will meet us all in the restaurant for a drink. She continues that both she and my dad do not want to see my uncle and if he plans to attend anyway he should let it be known so she and my dad can avoid him. The reason: he didn't care about grandma and ends the email be a quote from an email from my uncle earlier this year to prove her point.

If the expected storm breaks loose and I, as the organizer, end up in the middle of it I'll pull my hands off it and some other cousin can take over.

I have to admit, though, that it's nice to see my aunt telling my uncle how she really feels. Now I'm off to take a nice hot shower and curl up in bed and watch one of my guilty pleasures: Most Haunted. (and also take an aspirin for my headache)

I'm taking a break from today's "How Many Things Can Go Wrong With Hitch's STUFF" moan, {(*&^%$#@! keyboard!} to bring you this "I've been stuck with this type of crap for ages" speech.

We have had scads of drama in our family. A funny uncle (sigh), and a family kerfuffle, ages ago, not dissimilar to what I'm inferring is happening with you (family businesses).

You quite simply can't make everyone happy. Don't even try. If Party A says that they won't show up because Party B is there, tough carp.

I second what Cin said. Set a time and a place. Send out an invite/email that says

"This is it. This is where X and Y and Z will be, and those parties are scattering the ashes. A and B and C will be designated kiddie wranglers at the MNO Restaurant, from xx:xx to YY.YY. All welcome. No feuds, bickering, or asinine behavior welcome. If you can't be civil, don't come."

With certain changes--the location, kiddie wranglers, and all that, that's the exact email I sent out when we last had an official Family Dump. YES, including the last line. I always thought that Ashes would be the LEAST problematic for a family, right? No big expensive funeral, blabbety, but some people will always raise havoc.

Oh, I should add, as much as I hate to, you should probably NOT have booze at the Big Dump. Always adds to strife, particularly when it's simmering close to the surface, anyway.

Now, despite my rather charming way of inviting folks (really, wasn't it?), some did get their knickers in a twist. Silly buggers.

I won't go into the rest of it--it's likely tedious to those not involved, (hell, it's tedious to those that ARE involved), but..let's just say that the last solution, after they had pushed me to the edge, was that EVERYBODY got a "share" of the ashes. Yup. That's right. (And, by the way--it shut them right the hell up. Next invite? Everybody RSVP'ed muy pronto, and there was NO bickering at all.)

Sent the old folks Fedex. Hither and Yon, as evenly distributed as I could manage. Even sprung for some really nice, first-class baggies.

There's a rumor floating about that some of the (late) family have been, er...spread around QUITE a bit. Quite. And..er, have been...what's that word I'm looking for...{cough} "enhanced." With...fireplace ashes. I can't imagine what devious person might have done that. (And really, dammit--who looked???)

Everybody wins. Of course, nobody but the perpetrator knows about the augmentation. But, so what? Why NOT let everybody have their little handful? Who cares?

I know, I know, it's scandalous. Meh. It's a LOT better than dealing with BS when you oughtn't to have to deal with it in the first place. Why on earth should YOU be stuck with it? I HATE that "oh, but, you're the responsible one" speech. Really? What, the rest can't get up in the morning, brush their teeth, go to work?

Nonsense. Your grandmother's CHILDREN are still alive, and one of them should get up off his or her duff and do it themselves. Stick you with it? Trust me, one set of baggies, and they'll never ask you again. (You could even, well...not do it. Just find a fireplace. You'd be surprised at how cooperative people become if they think that you'll do just about ANYTHING. Then you could take her wherever you think that she'd have liked, you and your close cousins, and...everybody will be happy. Or, hell with that, YOU will be happy.)


Hitch

[Cinisajoy]

Note: we were the ones that were deemed worthy enough to drive grandmother's ashes to the grave site.
Grandmother made sure the entire small (this was mom's mom) clan knew that my husband was taking her. We already had a vacation scheduled so that is when we buried her.
The entire clan made it to east Texas.

[badgoodDeb]

@Hitch: I like it!