Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 611

John K · 04-21-2016, 10:38 AM

Difference Between Cats And Dogs

A dog thinks: "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me and take good care of me …

THEY MUST BE GODS!"

A cat thinks: "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me and take good care of me …

I MUST BE A GOD!"

orlok · 04-21-2016, 11:02 AM

^ true dat!

KenMagee · 04-22-2016, 04:57 AM

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

drjd · 04-22-2016, 05:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KenMagee

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

WT Sharpe · 04-22-2016, 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KenMagee

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

Oh, touché!

orlok · 04-22-2016, 07:22 AM

I was recently assaulted by a group of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to me.

Freeshadow · 04-22-2016, 08:28 AM

have they compressed you and put you to the bin?
It depends on the mime type.

John K · 04-23-2016, 11:43 AM

Some Cajun ingenuity...

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that dumb Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, "What in the world is that?"

Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."

"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but represent 99".

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.

"Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."

Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir - 100."

The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."

Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"

drjd · 04-25-2016, 11:03 AM

Rebecca, the curvy blonde secretary, came out from the cabin of her boss. She was shaking with anger, so a colleague asked her what was wrong.

Rebecca said,"The Boss asked me what was I doing this evening."

The colleague asked, "So what did you say?"

Rebecca answered, "I said I was doing nothing. He gave me 50 pages to type!"

orlok · 04-25-2016, 04:23 PM

I went to my first fight club meeting last night. I showed up late so I missed the first few rules but it was awesome. I love fight club, I've told all my friends about it, and I can't wait for the next meeting.

drjd · 04-26-2016, 03:32 PM

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit. editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, Well then, let it read "Fred Brown died."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a 7 word minimum for all obituaries. Only a little flustered, she thinks thing over and in a few seconds says, In that case, let it read, "Fred Brown died: 1983 Pickup for sale."

Bookpossum · 04-26-2016, 09:53 PM

What a way with words Mrs Brown had! All the basic information necessary.

KenMagee · 04-29-2016, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I went to my first fight club meeting last night. I showed up late so I missed the first few rules but it was awesome. I love fight club, I've told all my friends about it, and I can't wait for the next meeting.

When's the next meeting? I want to tell all my friends too...

drjd · 04-29-2016, 08:45 AM

An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "I want to impress that beautiful girl. Which machine should I use?"
The trainer replied...

"Use the ATM machine outside the gym!"

WT Sharpe · 04-29-2016, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "I want to impress that beautiful girl. Which machine should I use?"
The trainer replied...

"Use the ATM machine outside the gym!"

Word!

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04-21-2016, 10:38 AM	#9151
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	Difference Between Cats And Dogs A dog thinks: "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me and take good care of me … THEY MUST BE GODS!" A cat thinks: "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me and take good care of me … I MUST BE A GOD!"

04-21-2016, 11:02 AM	#9152
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	^ true dat!

04-22-2016, 04:57 AM	#9153
KenMagee Connoisseur Posts: 69 Karma: 2231728 Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Ireland Device: Kindle Fire	If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

04-22-2016, 07:22 AM	#9156
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I was recently assaulted by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

04-22-2016, 08:28 AM	#9157
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,818 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	have they compressed you and put you to the bin? It depends on the mime type.

04-23-2016, 11:43 AM	#9158
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	Some Cajun ingenuity... Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that dumb Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument. The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees. The boss says, "What in the world is that?" Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine." "Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but represent 99". Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99." The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100." Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir - 100." The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100." Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"

04-25-2016, 11:03 AM	#9159
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Rebecca, the curvy blonde secretary, came out from the cabin of her boss. She was shaking with anger, so a colleague asked her what was wrong. Rebecca said,"The Boss asked me what was I doing this evening." The colleague asked, "So what did you say?" Rebecca answered, "I said I was doing nothing. He gave me 50 pages to type!"

04-25-2016, 04:23 PM	#9160
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I went to my first fight club meeting last night. I showed up late so I missed the first few rules but it was awesome. I love fight club, I've told all my friends about it, and I can't wait for the next meeting.

04-26-2016, 03:32 PM	#9161
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit. editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, Well then, let it read "Fred Brown died." Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a 7 word minimum for all obituaries. Only a little flustered, she thinks thing over and in a few seconds says, In that case, let it read, "Fred Brown died: 1983 Pickup for sale."

04-26-2016, 09:53 PM	#9162
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	What a way with words Mrs Brown had! All the basic information necessary.

04-29-2016, 08:45 AM	#9164
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "I want to impress that beautiful girl. Which machine should I use?" The trainer replied... "Use the ATM machine outside the gym!"