Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 610

drjd · 04-01-2016, 03:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John K

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men
who mention it.

I won't take a risk mentioning it.

John K · 04-02-2016, 09:34 AM

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

drjd · 04-02-2016, 10:07 AM

Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married?
That was common sense leaving your body.

drjd · 04-05-2016, 01:01 PM

A man walks into a New York Bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has.

The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys."

The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000. Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce.

The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?"

The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"

drjd · 04-12-2016, 01:44 AM

“What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor.

“I need you to pray for my hearing,” said Bubba.

The pastor put his hands on Bubba’s ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, “So how’s your hearing?”

“I don’t know,” said Bubba. “It isn’t until next Tuesday.”

orlok · 04-12-2016, 12:45 PM

^ Lol! Wanted to give you some karma, but it won't let me...

drjd · 04-12-2016, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

^ Lol! Wanted to give you some karma, but it won't let me...

Your smiles are more valuable...

Bookpossum · 04-12-2016, 09:51 PM

Same here, so here's a grin!

drjd · 04-13-2016, 02:21 AM

Thanks for the grin!

drjd · 04-14-2016, 06:34 AM

Nearing the end, old Ed is surrounded by his loved ones. As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, ''I must tell you my greatest secret.''

His family members are all ears, and urge him to go on.

''Before I got married, I had it all,'' explains Ed. ''Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me, ‘Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no-one will be there to give you a glass of water to drink when you're on your deathbed.'

So I took his advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds. And now here we are. And you know what?''

''What?'' Whisper the fascinated members of his family.

''I'm not even thirsty!''

Shane R · 04-16-2016, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Nearing the end, old Ed is surrounded by his loved ones. As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, ''I must tell you my greatest secret.''

His family members are all ears, and urge him to go on.

''Before I got married, I had it all,'' explains Ed. ''Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me, ‘Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no-one will be there to give you a glass of water to drink when you're on your deathbed.'

So I took his advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds. And now here we are. And you know what?''

''What?'' Whisper the fascinated members of his family.

''I'm not even thirsty!''

drjd · 04-17-2016, 06:59 AM

While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple.

I asked one nurse what the pin signified.

"Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."

drjd · 04-19-2016, 10:57 AM

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

John K · 04-20-2016, 09:17 AM

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become dis-orient-ed?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call a male ladybug?

When dog food is 'new and improved' tasting, who tests it?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time to set it to?

drjd · 04-21-2016, 08:14 AM

Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor.

While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room, a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard.

Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor: "I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen a woman look worse."

The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant."

Pat exclaims: "Oh my, is she?"

The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."

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04-02-2016, 09:34 AM	#9137
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

04-02-2016, 10:07 AM	#9138
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married? That was common sense leaving your body.

04-05-2016, 01:01 PM	#9139
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man walks into a New York Bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000. Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?" The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"

04-12-2016, 01:44 AM	#9140
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	“What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor. “I need you to pray for my hearing,” said Bubba. The pastor put his hands on Bubba’s ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, “So how’s your hearing?” “I don’t know,” said Bubba. “It isn’t until next Tuesday.”

04-12-2016, 12:45 PM	#9141
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	^ Lol! Wanted to give you some karma, but it won't let me...

04-12-2016, 09:51 PM	#9143
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Same here, so here's a grin!

04-13-2016, 02:21 AM	#9144
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Thanks for the grin!

04-14-2016, 06:34 AM	#9145
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Nearing the end, old Ed is surrounded by his loved ones. As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, ''I must tell you my greatest secret.'' His family members are all ears, and urge him to go on. ''Before I got married, I had it all,'' explains Ed. ''Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me, ‘Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no-one will be there to give you a glass of water to drink when you're on your deathbed.' So I took his advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds. And now here we are. And you know what?'' ''What?'' Whisper the fascinated members of his family. ''I'm not even thirsty!''

04-17-2016, 06:59 AM	#9147
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."

04-19-2016, 10:57 AM	#9148
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan!

04-20-2016, 09:17 AM	#9149
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become dis-orient-ed? Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? What do chickens think we taste like? What do people in China call their good plates? What do you call a male ladybug? When dog food is 'new and improved' tasting, who tests it? When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time to set it to?

04-21-2016, 08:14 AM	#9150
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor. While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room, a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard. Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor: "I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen a woman look worse." The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant." Pat exclaims: "Oh my, is she?" The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."