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Old 10-30-2015, 06:59 PM   #1
Gregg Bell
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Help punctuating this sentence please?
Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male a bit of a king perhaps?

Is it:


Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male, a bit of a king, perhaps?

Or:

Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male, a bit of a king perhaps?


Thanks.
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Old 10-30-2015, 07:22 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell View Post
Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male a bit of a king perhaps?

Is it:


Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male, a bit of a king, perhaps?

Or:

Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male, a bit of a king perhaps?


Thanks.
Gregg:

Really, I think it's:

Quote:
Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male, a king, perhaps?
OR, better:

Quote:
Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male--a king--perhaps?
Offered FWIW.

Hitch
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Old 10-30-2015, 08:24 PM   #3
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Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male? A king, perhaps?


It's not what an English grammar teacher would write, but it's short and to the point.
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Old 10-31-2015, 08:21 AM   #4
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Yup to Cromag. It's the way people actually talk.
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Old 10-31-2015, 09:38 AM   #5
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Yep, too many bits. American is only 7-bit ASCII. ... Oh, whoops! Wrong forum.
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Old 10-31-2015, 10:06 AM   #6
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Drop the dangling "perhaps." It's awkward and makes the sentence seem pedantic even when spoken out-loud.
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Old 10-31-2015, 04:38 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rizla View Post
Drop the dangling "perhaps." It's awkward and makes the sentence seem pedantic even when spoken out-loud.
Yes, I agree that the sentence is awkward, but he asked for our help in punctuating it. Ergo...

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Old 10-31-2015, 04:44 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hitch View Post
Yes, I agree that the sentence is awkward, but he asked for our help in punctuating it. Ergo...

Hitch
Hitch, thank you! Yes, I wanted help punctuating that sentence! (The subject heading was not: Please help me re-write this sentence.)

That said, I understand the instinct to re-write it, but I was trying to see what the proper grammatical take on that sentence was.
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Old 10-31-2015, 09:38 PM   #9
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Oh, true! Apologies
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Old 10-31-2015, 10:36 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell View Post
Hitch, thank you! Yes, I wanted help punctuating that sentence! (The subject heading was not: Please help me re-write this sentence.)
Sorry, didn't see that.
Last edited by Rizla; 10-31-2015 at 11:00 PM.
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Old 11-13-2015, 12:53 AM   #11
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Quote:
Wasn’t he being a bit of an alpha male a bit of a king perhaps?
Wasn't he being a bit of an alpha male; a bit of a king, perhaps?

I think the comma between 'king' and 'perhaps' is optional, depending on the rhythm and tone you want.
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Old 11-13-2015, 04:50 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pendragginp View Post
Yup to Cromag. It's the way people actually talk.
Depends whether or not this is dialogue. Gregg didn't tell us that. Making the second half of the sentence a separate sentence is fine in dialogue because, as you rightly say, it's the way that people talk. I'd think carefully before using it in a descriptive passage because "A king, perhaps?" or "A bit of a king, perhaps?" is not a sentence; it doesn't contain a verb. Of course one can write using sentence fragments, but it should be done judiciously.
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Old 11-20-2015, 05:23 PM   #13
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I think the second one. Too much punctuation kills punctuation anyway.

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Old 11-20-2015, 07:42 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BookCat View Post
Wasn't he being a bit of an alpha male; a bit of a king, perhaps?

I think the comma between 'king' and 'perhaps' is optional, depending on the rhythm and tone you want.
This. The semi-colon joins the two parts elegantly. Gregg, is this part of a conversation? It might make a difference, if it is...
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Old 11-21-2015, 11:40 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Fitch View Post
I think the second one. Too much punctuation kills punctuation anyway.

Tom
I think you're right but I think technically the coma should be there.
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