how would you punctuate this sentence?

[Gregg Bell]

Her vulnerability her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.


#1) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

#2) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.

#3) another way

[arjaybe]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Her vulnerability her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.


#1) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

#2) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.

#3) another way

#3) Her vulnerability to ridicule had led her to kill another human being.

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by arjaybe

#3) Her vulnerability to ridicule had led her to kill another human being.

That's really good, rjb, but I didn't ask 'how would you re-write this sentence?' I asked, 'How would you punctuate this sentence?'

[Cinisajoy]

Gregg,
The sentence does not make sense.
Are her vulnerability and inability the same thing?
Maybe you should change the sentence a bit. Vulnerability and inability sound redundant.

[cromag]

"Her vulnerability and inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being."

This could be considered re-punctuated (I removed some) and only slightly rewritten.

[arjaybe]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

That's really good, rjb, but I didn't ask 'how would you re-write this sentence?' I asked, 'How would you punctuate this sentence?'

I did #3) another way and punctuated it with one period.-)

But if you want the same words I might go:

Her vulnerability -- her inability to tolerate ridicule -- had led her to kill another human being.

or your #1) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Gregg,
The sentence does not make sense.
Are her vulnerability and inability the same thing?
Maybe you should change the sentence a bit. Vulnerability and inability sound redundant.

Yeah, it does, Cin. "her inability to tolerate ridicule" is an appositive phrase that refers to "Her vulnerability."

#1) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

The problem is I like to write sentences (and indeed this is how I wrote it) like #2.

#2) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.

Yes, the sentence can be re-written, but does sentence #2 fly, especially meaning-wise? (Of course you've already said it doesn't. But reconsider, will ya? ) See, I just hate throwing that second comma after "had." It just breaks the sentence like a sledgehammer.

I know I write weird. This is not news to me. I just want to see if other people can comprehend my meaning.

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by cromag

"Her vulnerability and inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being."

This could be considered re-punctuated (I removed some) and only slightly rewritten.

That's the way a good writer would write it.

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by arjaybe

I did #3) another way and punctuated it with one period.-)

But if you want the same words I might go:

Her vulnerability -- her inability to tolerate ridicule -- had led her to kill another human being.

or your #1) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

Yeah, you're making that middle clause non-restrictive, which is the way it should be. The dashes work too but call a little too much attention to that clause (I think anyway).

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Yeah, it does, Cin. "her inability to tolerate ridicule" is an appositive phrase that refers to "Her vulnerability."

#1) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

The problem is I like to write sentences (and indeed this is how I wrote it) like #2.

#2) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.

Yes, the sentence can be re-written, but does sentence #2 fly, especially meaning-wise? (Of course you've already said it doesn't. But reconsider, will ya? ) See, I just hate throwing that second comma after "had." It just breaks the sentence like a sledgehammer.

I know I write weird. This is not news to me. I just want to see if other people can comprehend my meaning.

Hmmm why is her inability to tolerate ridicule a vulnerability?
That is my big problem. To me that is not vulnerable in any sense of the word. What is she vulnerable too?
Other than maybe thinking she can take on someone twice her size.

[cromag]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Hmmm why is her inability to tolerate ridicule a vulnerability?
That is my big problem. To me that is not vulnerable in any sense of the word. What is she vulnerable too?
Other than maybe thinking she can take on someone twice her size.

I assumed they were two different things.

She'd been put into a compromising situation which, if made public, would lead to ridicule. So, she killed the witness.

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Her vulnerability her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.


#1) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

#2) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.

#3) another way

I wouldn't use any of yours. I would use mine:

1) Her vulnerability, including an inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

Another point: You use too many pronouns in one sentence.

By Greg Bell and Don Broyles

[pdurrant]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Her vulnerability her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.


#1) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

#2) Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule had led her to kill another human being.

#3) another way

#1.

Write it without the clause and there's no problem:

Her vulnerability had led her to kill another human being.

To add the clause, you need to have both commas.

Her vulnerability, her inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

Although I would prefer a small change to

Her vulnerability, an inability to tolerate ridicule, had led her to kill another human being.

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Hmmm why is her inability to tolerate ridicule a vulnerability?
That is my big problem. To me that is not vulnerable in any sense of the word. What is she vulnerable too?
Other than maybe thinking she can take on someone twice her size.

No, you're right. They're two different things.

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by cromag

I assumed they were two different things.

She'd been put into a compromising situation which, if made public, would lead to ridicule. So, she killed the witness.

Yeah, it's two things. I don't know what I was thinking. (If I was thinking at all.) I probably just willed it to be the same thing.