Poetry McGonagall, William Topaz: The Really Bad Poetry Of William McGonagall. v1. 23 Dec 08

[Dr. Drib]

This collection is my title. This is the full title:

The Really Bad Poetry Of William Topaz McGonagall


Oh, McGonagall, you mighty bad poet
You didn’t even know it.
Let me sing you a verse
While bellowing a curse
At your lines, bad rhymes,
So horribly fine.
---By Dr. Drib


Here's a quote about the poetry of William Topaz McGonagall:

"Unlike the works of clueless poets whose amateurish efforts evoke guffaws of laughter from readers, McGonagall’s output was so consistently dreadful that, for many of us, today it retains no entertainment value, even as unintentional humor. It is merely painful to read this guff. A little McGonagall goes a very long way, so getting to the end of one of his poems requires fortitude and grim determination. We will spare the erudite and sensitive readers of Brigadoonery such an ordeal. A brief excerpt from McGonagall’s most (in)famous work will convince even the most charitable critic that this Heelan’ Laddie should have stuck to his weaver’s loom. You will agree that “The Tay Bridge Disaster” is a poetic disaster as well … "

Like all the books I assemble on MobileRead, this too was assembled to reflect human intervention and artistic judgment.

I hope you enjoy it.

Don

P.S.: If you like this, I can gather a second volume.

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[zelda_pinwheel]

of all the books you've made this one is clearly the most worthy of your time and effort, and deserving of being preserved for posterity. thank you, dr. drib. just think how incomplete our cultural heritage would be without your constant efforts to fill in the holes others may have allowed to remain empty. bravo. i would tip my hat to you, but i took it off when i came inside.

[Roy White]

I downloaded this one and read one of the poems at Random... Totally awesome poetry...

Check this out...

"An Autumn Reverie

Alas! Beautiful Summer now hath fled,
And the face of Nature doth seem dead,
And the leaves are withered, and falling off the trees,
By the nipping and chilling autumnal breeze.
The pleasures of the little birds are all fled,
And with the cold many of them will be found dead,
Because the leaves of the trees are scattered in the blast,
And makes the feathered creatures feel downcast."

Whoa.. I guess when yer dead you feel pretty downcast!

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by Roy White

I downloaded this one and read one of the poems at Random... Totally awesome poetry...

Check this out...

"An Autumn Reverie

Alas! Beautiful Summer now hath fled,
And the face of Nature doth seem dead,
And the leaves are withered, and falling off the trees,
By the nipping and chilling autumnal breeze.
The pleasures of the little birds are all fled,
And with the cold many of them will be found dead,
Because the leaves of the trees are scattered in the blast,
And makes the feathered creatures feel downcast."

Whoa.. I guess when yer dead you feel pretty downcast!

Hi, Roy:

Yes, McGonagall had a genius for making the dead seem really dead.

Don

[Roy White]

Man he is really bad Don. (Merry Christmas by the way...) I read several others and had to stop because I got to feeling a bit sick.

[Dr. Drib]

Merry Christmast to you, as well.

I should have put a warning on the download, something similar to this - if not this, itself:

"W A R N I N G!
Under no circumstances should this book be downloaded and read!
If you have hope for humankind, then please DO NOT read this book!
You Have Been Warned!

Don

[Roy White]

It might come in handy during the next episode of the TV show 24... I can just see Jack Bauer yelling in a terrorists face going, "C'mon!!! Tell us what you know!!! (Then brandishing one of these horrid poems menacingly) I'll DO it! I'll read one!!!" Then the Terrorist breaks and sobs, "No! Please! Anything but that! I'll tell all!"

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

of all the books you've made this one is clearly the most worthy of your time and effort, and deserving of being preserved for posterity. thank you, dr. drib. just think how incomplete our cultural heritage would be without your constant efforts to fill in the holes others may have allowed to remain empty. bravo. i would tip my hat to you, but i took it off when i came inside.

Hahahaha!!!

I love it!

Don

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by Roy White

It might come in handy during the next episode of the TV show 24... I can just see Jack Bauer yelling in a terrorists face going, "C'mon!!! Tell us what you know!!! (Then brandishing one of these horrid poems menacingly) I'll DO it! I'll read one!!!" Then the Terrorist breaks and sobs, "No! Please! Anything but that! I'll tell all!"

I like that idea!

That reminds me of something similar in a commerical (but now the details are hazy)....something about reading the phone book to some prisoner....the idea was that it was incredibly boring and he surrendered all of his information... Or something like that.

Another good page-turner I assembled is that timeless classic on prime numbers - the unabridged edition, hahahahah - all one million of them. A real battery-tester, if ever there was one.

Don

[zelda_pinwheel]

you know i think roy may be on to something... if vogon poetry can be used as torture this book could be weaponized for sure.