Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 580

AdamJ · 06-14-2015, 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

No Canada is USN.

USA neighbor. So US is?? for canada. CN.

BenG · 06-17-2015, 10:35 AM

Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

Spoiler:

alansplace · 06-17-2015, 10:47 AM

alansplace · 06-24-2015, 06:57 PM

Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows into orbit?

It was the herd shot around the world.

Bookpossum · 06-24-2015, 11:01 PM

GROAN!

cromag · 06-25-2015, 12:42 AM

Just an orbital mission?

It wasn't a Moo-n shot?

alansplace · 06-25-2015, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cromag

Just an orbital mission?

It wasn't a Moo-n shot?

GROAN!

How about this:

Bookpossum · 06-25-2015, 05:47 PM

If only it were so easy!

KenMagee · 06-26-2015, 04:43 AM

A triangle walks into a bar and the barman says ‘why the long hypotenuse?’

steven522 · 06-26-2015, 10:09 AM

A duck walks into a bar, hops up on a stool in front of the bartender and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

"No," the bartender replies, "We do not have any grapes."

The duck hops down and leaves the bar.

The next day this same routine is repeated: "Do you have any grapes?"; "No we do not have any grapes."

This is repeated daily for nearly two weeks until the bartender finally has enough.

"Listen," the bartender tells the duck, "if you come in here one more time and ask me for grapes I will nail your beak shut."

The duck hops down from the stool and leaves.

The next day the duck returns, hops onto the stool and asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?"

"Nails?" the bartender replies, "No we do not have nails here."

"Good," replies the duck. "Do you have any grapes?"

orlok · 06-26-2015, 03:02 PM

You know you're drunk when you get home, put food in the microwave and then enter your pin number.

steven522 · 06-26-2015, 05:09 PM

Three farmhands came up with an idea on how they could win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They figured that if they corked a pig in a way that would not allow his body waste to exit and continue to feed him for the month before the fair they would surely win.

The first problem was that none of them wanted to be the one to insert the cork. They finally decided to purchase a monkey and train him to insert corks into bottle openings. After a week or two of training they place the monkey in the pen with the pig and hand him a cork. After a minute the monkey did what he was trained to do.

The farmhands followed their plan, fed the pig for a month, entered the pig in the fair and won first prize.

Once they returned to the farm they realized their second problem: No one wanted to take the cork out. So they begin training the same monkey to take corks out of bottles.

After a week of training, they placed the monkey in the pen with the pig and waited.

Several days later at the hospital the first farmhand to awaken is questioned about the massive damage done to the pig barn on the farm: "What is the last thing you remember?"

The farmhand replies, "The look on the poor little monkey's face as he tried to stick the cork back in."

alansplace · 06-26-2015, 05:20 PM

red_phoenix · 06-26-2015, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alansplace

orlok · 06-27-2015, 05:03 PM

11.34: Arrived at crime scene

11.34: Examined body. Signs of a struggle

11.34: Found murder weapon in drain

11.34: Realised watch was broken

06-17-2015, 10:35 AM	#8687
BenG Home Guard Posts: 4,730 Karma: 86721650 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Alpha Ralpha Boulevard Device: Kindle Oasis 3G, iPhone 6	Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? Spoiler: For the watch

06-17-2015, 10:47 AM	#8688
alansplace Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,895 Karma: 464403178 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: 33.9388° N, 117.2716° W Device: Kindles K-2, K-KB, PW 1 & 2, Voyage, Fire 2, 5 & HD 8, Surface 3, iPad	On trial...

06-24-2015, 06:57 PM	#8689
alansplace Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,895 Karma: 464403178 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: 33.9388° N, 117.2716° W Device: Kindles K-2, K-KB, PW 1 & 2, Voyage, Fire 2, 5 & HD 8, Surface 3, iPad	NASA Cow Launch... Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows into orbit? It was the herd shot around the world.

06-26-2015, 05:20 PM	#8698
alansplace Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,895 Karma: 464403178 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: 33.9388° N, 117.2716° W Device: Kindles K-2, K-KB, PW 1 & 2, Voyage, Fire 2, 5 & HD 8, Surface 3, iPad	i???

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06-24-2015, 11:01 PM	#8690
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	GROAN!

06-25-2015, 12:42 AM	#8691
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 26,467 Karma: 459765791 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	Just an orbital mission? It wasn't a Moo-n shot?

06-25-2015, 05:47 PM	#8693
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	If only it were so easy!

06-26-2015, 04:43 AM	#8694
KenMagee Connoisseur Posts: 69 Karma: 2231728 Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Ireland Device: Kindle Fire	A triangle walks into a bar and the barman says ‘why the long hypotenuse?’

06-26-2015, 10:09 AM	#8695
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	A duck walks into a bar, hops up on a stool in front of the bartender and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" "No," the bartender replies, "We do not have any grapes." The duck hops down and leaves the bar. The next day this same routine is repeated: "Do you have any grapes?"; "No we do not have any grapes." This is repeated daily for nearly two weeks until the bartender finally has enough. "Listen," the bartender tells the duck, "if you come in here one more time and ask me for grapes I will nail your beak shut." The duck hops down from the stool and leaves. The next day the duck returns, hops onto the stool and asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?" "Nails?" the bartender replies, "No we do not have nails here." "Good," replies the duck. "Do you have any grapes?"

06-26-2015, 03:02 PM	#8696
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	You know you're drunk when you get home, put food in the microwave and then enter your pin number.

06-26-2015, 05:09 PM	#8697
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	Three farmhands came up with an idea on how they could win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They figured that if they corked a pig in a way that would not allow his body waste to exit and continue to feed him for the month before the fair they would surely win. The first problem was that none of them wanted to be the one to insert the cork. They finally decided to purchase a monkey and train him to insert corks into bottle openings. After a week or two of training they place the monkey in the pen with the pig and hand him a cork. After a minute the monkey did what he was trained to do. The farmhands followed their plan, fed the pig for a month, entered the pig in the fair and won first prize. Once they returned to the farm they realized their second problem: No one wanted to take the cork out. So they begin training the same monkey to take corks out of bottles. After a week of training, they placed the monkey in the pen with the pig and waited. Several days later at the hospital the first farmhand to awaken is questioned about the massive damage done to the pig barn on the farm: "What is the last thing you remember?" The farmhand replies, "The look on the poor little monkey's face as he tried to stick the cork back in."

06-27-2015, 05:03 PM	#8700
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	11.34: Arrived at crime scene 11.34: Examined body. Signs of a struggle 11.34: Found murder weapon in drain 11.34: Realised watch was broken