Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 575

Glorfindel · 04-29-2015, 09:05 PM

I don't get it.
Edit: I get it now.

pdurrant · 04-30-2015, 04:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

That's one of the advantages of old age. If a joke was posted any longer ago than Monday, I don't remember it. For that matter, if ANYTHING happens longer ago than Monday, I don't remember it.

My world is new and fresh!

Clearly, the universe was only created last Monday, and for some reason your created memories are just a little faulty.

yvanleterrible · 04-30-2015, 05:40 AM

Actually, the Universe was created just a few years before your favorite prophet was born... Why worry about the rest? Just have fun!

orlok · 05-01-2015, 04:58 AM

Stitchawl · 05-01-2015, 05:59 AM

Every parent and teacher should read these.
Children Writing About the Ocean….

If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)

Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

Stitchawl

yvanleterrible · 05-01-2015, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Every parent and teacher should read these.
Children Writing About the Ocean….

My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

Stitchawl

That one got me!

It's obvious that he heard it in a fight!

Stitchawl · 05-02-2015, 05:51 AM

SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR

On his 70th birthday an old Indian was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man (on a nearby reservation) who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The Indian medicine man gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The old Indian thanked the Indian medicine man, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle!!

Stitchawl

orlok · 05-02-2015, 06:10 AM

.....

yvanleterrible · 05-02-2015, 06:24 AM

crich70 · 05-03-2015, 09:54 AM

Then there was the optitican who fell into his own lens grinder.

He made a specticle of himself. lol.

PoP · 05-03-2015, 10:31 AM

Change your passwords often: world class best practice.

orlok · 05-03-2015, 12:12 PM

^ couldn't give any more karma for that, but what a brilliant idea

.

Stitchawl · 05-03-2015, 12:48 PM

I wish my parents had done that. By 17, I would have learned enough to hack into anything. Imagine if I actually had a school report card that didn't have red ink on it? I could have gotten a job with IBM or Microsoft and been rich. Instead I chose a classical education that enabled me to appreciate the big money I never made...

Stitchawl

yvanleterrible · 05-03-2015, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

I wish my parents had done that. By 17, I would have learned enough to hack into anything. Imagine if I actually had a school report card that didn't have red ink on it? I could have gotten a job with IBM or Microsoft and been rich. Instead I chose a classical education that enabled me to appreciate the big money I never made...

Stitchawl

Was internet mainstream when we were that age?

In my souvenirs computers were punching loads of cards...

wodin · 05-03-2015, 02:12 PM

Never mind internet, was Wi-Fi?

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04-29-2015, 09:05 PM	#8611
Glorfindel Force-Aware Elf Posts: 4,762 Karma: 11557898 Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Valinor Device: Kindle 4 w/SO	I don't get it. Edit: I get it now.

04-30-2015, 05:40 AM	#8613
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Actually, the Universe was created just a few years before your favorite prophet was born... Why worry about the rest? Just have fun!

05-01-2015, 04:58 AM	#8614
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"

05-01-2015, 05:59 AM	#8615
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Every parent and teacher should read these. Children Writing About the Ocean…. If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7) Stitchawl

05-02-2015, 05:51 AM	#8617
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR On his 70th birthday an old Indian was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man (on a nearby reservation) who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man. The Indian medicine man gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want." The old Indian thanked the Indian medicine man, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?" And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle!! Stitchawl

05-02-2015, 06:10 AM	#8618
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	.....

05-02-2015, 06:24 AM	#8619
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air

05-03-2015, 09:54 AM	#8620
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Then there was the optitican who fell into his own lens grinder. He made a specticle of himself. lol.

05-03-2015, 10:31 AM	#8621
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	Change your passwords often: world class best practice.

05-03-2015, 12:12 PM	#8622
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	^ couldn't give any more karma for that, but what a brilliant idea .

05-03-2015, 12:48 PM	#8623
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	I wish my parents had done that. By 17, I would have learned enough to hack into anything. Imagine if I actually had a school report card that didn't have red ink on it? I could have gotten a job with IBM or Microsoft and been rich. Instead I chose a classical education that enabled me to appreciate the big money I never made... Stitchawl

05-03-2015, 02:12 PM	#8625
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	Never mind internet, was Wi-Fi?