Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 574

orlok · 04-26-2015, 05:32 PM

.....

pdurrant · 04-27-2015, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoP

What is the capital of Iceland?

Spoiler:

Stitchawl · 04-27-2015, 04:30 AM

All three of you should be ashamed of yourselves...

Stitchawl

PoP · 04-27-2015, 06:29 AM

Thanks to your first spoiler I found it

高貴的老鼠

On second thought it could have been "What"

Stitchawl · 04-27-2015, 11:15 AM

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating
for over a year.
So we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me.
It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else. One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check Sent from my iPhone Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.

She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said
"Before you commit your life to my sister".

Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm
going upstairs to my bedroom" she said, "if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment. Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me. He said,
'Paulie, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Stitchawl

wodin · 04-27-2015, 12:55 PM

It's a very good thing that the coffee's not ready yet, lest it be all over my keyboard.

K worthy for sure!

WT Sharpe · 04-27-2015, 02:28 PM

I've stored orlok's away for re-use next time I'm in Richmond.

Bookpossum · 04-27-2015, 09:09 PM

Stitchawl, it won't let me send you karma, but I LOVED the joke!

samhy · 04-28-2015, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bookpossum

Stitchawl, it won't let me send you karma, but I LOVED the joke!

Same here. It made me laugh so much, thanks!

yvanleterrible · 04-29-2015, 05:57 AM

What's fun about this thread is that even if a joke's already been posted before it's just as funny as at the first time!

Stitchawl · 04-29-2015, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

What's fun about this thread is that even if a joke's already been posted before it's just as funny as at the first time!

That's one of the advantages of old age. If a joke was posted any longer ago than Monday, I don't remember it. For that matter, if ANYTHING happens longer ago than Monday, I don't remember it.

My world is new and fresh!

Stitchawl

orlok · 04-29-2015, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

What's fun about this thread is that even if a joke's already been posted before it's just as funny as at the first time!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

That's one of the advantages of old age. If a joke was posted any longer ago than Monday, I don't remember it. For that matter, if ANYTHING happens longer ago than Monday, I don't remember it.

My world is new and fresh!

Stitchawl

And to be frank, although I remembered seeing that joke before, I didn't realise it was me that posted it...

pilotbob · 04-29-2015, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

That's one of the advantages of old age. If a joke was posted any longer ago than Monday, I don't remember it. For that matter, if ANYTHING happens longer ago than Monday, I don't remember it.

My world is new and fresh!

Stitchawl

Which Monday?

orlok · 04-29-2015, 12:47 PM

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So, twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "How did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

HomeInMyShoes · 04-29-2015, 02:57 PM

:groan:

04-27-2015, 06:29 AM	#8599
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	Thanks to your first spoiler I found it 高貴的老鼠 On second thought it could have been "What" Last edited by PoP; 04-27-2015 at 06:32 AM.

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04-26-2015, 05:32 PM	#8596
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	.....

04-27-2015, 04:30 AM	#8598
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	All three of you should be ashamed of yourselves... Stitchawl

04-27-2015, 11:15 AM	#8600
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year. So we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else. One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check Sent from my iPhone Sister's wedding- invitations' she said. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said "Before you commit your life to my sister". Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said, "if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me". I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment. Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'Paulie, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son.' And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. Stitchawl

04-27-2015, 12:55 PM	#8601
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	It's a very good thing that the coffee's not ready yet, lest it be all over my keyboard. K worthy for sure!

04-27-2015, 02:28 PM	#8602
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	I've stored orlok's away for re-use next time I'm in Richmond.

04-27-2015, 09:09 PM	#8603
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Stitchawl, it won't let me send you karma, but I LOVED the joke!

04-29-2015, 05:57 AM	#8605
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	What's fun about this thread is that even if a joke's already been posted before it's just as funny as at the first time!

04-29-2015, 12:47 PM	#8609
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So, twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "How did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?" "No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

04-29-2015, 02:57 PM	#8610
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	:groan: