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Old 02-27-2015, 08:45 PM   #8491
cromag
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orlok View Post
I'm hoping these haven't been posted before - quite a few of them made me giggle.

10 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Sanity (Insanity?):

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

5. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

6. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

7. Sing Along At The Opera.

8. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

9. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

10. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
I have done numbers 5, 6, 8, 9 and 10. Before I knew about this list.


And, when waiting for elevator or grocery store doors to open, I can be heard saying, "Open the pod bay doors, HAL."


My kids won't go anywhere with me anymore.
Last edited by cromag; 02-27-2015 at 08:48 PM.
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Old 02-28-2015, 12:02 AM   #8492
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Does anyone know why the next version of Windows is 10?


Because......




7 8 9 !
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Old 02-28-2015, 08:10 AM   #8493
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Does anyone know why the next version of Windows is 10?


Because......




7 8 9 !
Yes! Windows was a joke from the start and still is funny!
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Old 02-28-2015, 01:23 PM   #8494
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Does anyone know why the next version of Windows is 10?


Because......




7 8 9 !
Funny. Reminds me of this cat story.
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Old 02-28-2015, 03:34 PM   #8495
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Old 03-01-2015, 11:01 AM   #8496
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« I was walking home last night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo »

Excerpt from an unauthorized biography of Samuel Morse I'm working on.
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Old 03-01-2015, 01:36 PM   #8497
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Old 03-02-2015, 03:55 AM   #8498
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John Wayne Bobbit appeared in a telephone commercial once. His words? "We won't cut you off."
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Old 03-02-2015, 04:30 PM   #8499
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I have four children and only three Eskimo Pies. Looks like I’m eating three Eskimo Pies.
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Old 03-02-2015, 09:49 PM   #8500
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Sex is like math:
You add the bed,
subtract the clothes,
divide the legs
and pray you don't multiply.
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Old 03-02-2015, 11:24 PM   #8501
crich70
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brazen_NL View Post
Sex is like math:
You add the bed,
subtract the clothes,
divide the legs
and pray you don't multiply.
And if you multiply the kids you find yourself with fractions of the paycheck.
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Old 03-03-2015, 12:28 AM   #8502
cromag
Surfin the alpha waves ~~
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Sex is like ...

Damn! I've forgotten!
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Old 03-03-2015, 02:17 AM   #8503
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And if you multiply the kids you find yourself with fractions of the paycheck.
Incest?
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Old 03-03-2015, 02:57 AM   #8504
crich70
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Incest?
Lol. I meant when the number of kids increases the available income decreases.
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Old 03-03-2015, 04:34 PM   #8505
Nabeel
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You know those automatic 'out-of-office' replies that you're meant to set up when you go away for a few days? I've always wanted to leave one that says:

'Nabeel has been abducted by aliens. He will be back next week, looking almost exactly the same.'
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