The Case of The Golden Coprolite - Page 9

badgoodDeb · 12-10-2008, 12:58 PM

Why would Flo-Jo all of a sudden start wearing DixieGal's hose? Wouldn't her own fit much better?

DixieGal · 12-10-2008, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Why would Flo-Jo all of a sudden start wearing DixieGal's hose? Wouldn't her own fit much better?

Slite · 12-11-2008, 04:20 AM

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!

Nothing like a few chapters of this story to brighten up the day!

Now, get writing again!

Greg Anos · 12-11-2008, 10:17 AM

"All right, VR, you're the money pooch. How do we get to Oz?"
"In your case, how about in a shark's stomach."
"No whale? I know you're cutting corners, but you oughta have some taste."
"I couldn't get you inside a shark anyway, professional courtesy only goes so far. What's in your pouch? It looks like it weighs a ton."
"Pretty close. Just gifts for pretty girls."
VR shook his head. "Let me guess, none of this would pass a commercial airline metal detector."
"Give the doggie a slab of bacon!"
"I am not a doggie!" growled VR. " I hired you!"
"By the by, how do you diplomat smuggle your diplomatic pouches in when the don't meet commercial airliner spec?"
"Professional secret. I figured you would do this. I've chartered a plane with one of our own people as pilot."
"Who?"
"Pshynk."
Goody. A talking dog and a flying shrink. Lord, the things I do for money....
"When will it be ready to vamanos?"
"If you mean leave, it's waiting for us at the airport."
"Mount up, Buell."
So VR, his human, and I headed to the airport. We went to the private plane area, where VR's human waived the Diplomatic papers around, which got us through without any searches. I was pulling a trolley with all the bags and diplomatic pouches.
Hauling up all those bags was a bear, since as we had waived those Diplomatic papers, nobody could touch the bags but us. I think VR wants me to be a baggage handler in my next life.
I finally got the last bag in and collapsed into a seat. The lauch slot was in another 30 minutes. I decided to take a little nap.
I woke up to the engines warming up. We got in line for takeoff. Eventually we got to first in line, and off we went.
About 30 seconds later, VR hopped up on the chair next to me. "All right, redneck, we're on our way. Start talking."
"Ok, did I ever tell you about the time the red-headed barmaid -"
"Stop! STOP! You blithering idiot! What about the guy who stole the Golden Coprolite!"
"Oh, him. I don't really know who stole it."
VR bared his teeth. I could tell I was about to get an armful of teeth if I didn't stop baiting him. Pity. Baiting him was more fun than the case had been, so far.
"VR, you hired me to find the Golden Coprolite, not who stole it in the first place. Besides, you want the mastermind, not the small fry. Calm down."
"Then try to be more co-operative than a politican at a press conference!"
"Weeelll, you're not going to like the answer. Matter of fact you're going to hate the answer. First look at these pictures." I showed him the front, side, and back.
"Looks, like a German Sheperd."
"Yep, not just any German Shepard. It's Ralph von Wau Wau. I managed to sneak these shots during the Royal Bastich case. They are some of the only known pictures in existance of him. He always used a stand-in for the book pictures. He figured that all German Shepards looked alike to the public. I have confirmed he was in Pinwheel at the time of the heist, and went aboard a private jet with his current human, named GeoffC, who was carrying a chocolate football trophy, which was comfortable large enough to carry the Golden Corpolite in it. The private jet just happened to be piloted by a good friend of the dead queen's bath attendant. Who was carrying the time-lock key to the vault, among other head-of-state communication devices, commonly know as "the football", at the time of her death. Ralph always had a sense of humor."
VR had kinda gone blank and just sorta sat there. It's hard on people to find out their idol is a crook. Especially, on a talking doggie who only had a couple of peers.
"So, which side are you on, Ralph's or the Queen's?"
VR looked up. "The Queen's. She scratches me much better. I assume the jet went to Oz?"
"Yep. And you know that Ralph is smarter than both of us put together. I have reason to suspect that his plan will take place in Oz, under a corporate cover. What corporation, and where, I still don't have a clue. Yet. As to why he did it, I don't know. And I mean the why behind the why. Maybe we'll get more info from BadGoodDeb in Canberra. Meanwhile, I need to rack out for a few hours. How 'bout you going up and chattin' with the pilot. Make him earn his keep."
I slumped over and went to the dreamtime....

Slite · 12-11-2008, 10:22 AM

Oh, the suspense!

Someone pass the popcorn please?

pshrynk · 12-11-2008, 10:35 AM

Hey! What's that lever do? AAAAARRRRRFGHHGHGGGHHHGGGHHHH!!

zelda_pinwheel · 12-11-2008, 10:50 AM

"A talking dog and a flying shrink. Lord, the things I do for money...."
this story just keeps getting better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Hey! What's that lever do? AAAAARRRRRFGHHGHGGGHHHGGGHHHH!!

*sigh* i *told* you not to touch anything if you didn't know what it was for !

Taylor514ce · 12-11-2008, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

*sigh* i *told* you not to touch anything if you didn't know what it was for !

Following that advice would have profoundly altered the development and trajectory of my life (for the worse).

zelda_pinwheel · 12-11-2008, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taylor514ce

Following that advice would have profoundly altered the development and trajectory of my life (for the worse).

well i didn't tell *you* that.

anyway that advice was somewhat specific to the cockpits of airplanes.

Steven Lyle Jordan · 12-12-2008, 11:52 PM

I wish the story'd finished before I went on vacation... I'm not positive what kind of internet access I'll have, and I don't want to have to go story-free for a full week...

Greg Anos · 12-13-2008, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve Jordan

I wish the story'd finished before I went on vacation... I'm not positive what kind of internet access I'll have, and I don't want to have to go story-free for a full week...

Steve, I'm writing as fast as I can. I never should have started it as a serial. Bob Heinlein was right, finish it first, then stick it on the market. Next hunk, before noon, -6 GMT (CST), I think.

zelda_pinwheel · 12-13-2008, 09:16 AM

no pressure ! you write it as you feel it.

Greg Anos · 12-13-2008, 09:53 AM

I was humming Arlo Guthrie's "Coming Into Los Angeles" as we made final approach into Canberra. It seemed appropriate.
"Will you quit with the noisemaking. You sound like a drunken hive of bees."
"If you think my humming's bad, you should hear my singing."
"Merde!"
Pshrynk made a nice landing. As we were disembarking, Pshrynk asked us, "What do I do now?"
"You got a workin' cellphone here?"
"Yes." He gave me the number.
"Ok. Stay within 30 minutes travel time of the plane, and stay sober. Have the rest of the crew stay the same. We made be leaving soon, but figure at least 1-2 hours before we do anything. If we end up stumpted here, then we'll go to Darwin."
"You guys are finicky customers."
"Talk to the money pooch. I'm just the hired help."
I got another hernia unloading the bags. Next time Pinwheel was gonna spring for a vetted baggage handler as part of the deal.
An Aussie customs officer wandered over to the plane. "Customs check is over there." He pointed to the main terminal.
" 'Fraid not, this time. See the markings? Here's my passport and the dog's passport."
"Assistant Consul, and Ambassador-at-Large for Pinwheel? Why weren't we notified."
" 'Cause this is a high-level flap we're dealing with. Officially, we're not here. Unofficially, we're trying to keep it hush hush. The Austrialian Govenrment has been notified (fat chance, I thought) but for the same reason, they're keepin' it under their hats. No worries, mate, she's right."
"I hate dealing with diplos..."
"I know, we mess up your job. But if you would just stamp the passports so we can haul this stuff over the embassy car, over there by the private gate, we'd be obliged. Besides, if we get kicked out of the country, I'll make a point of lettin' you do the kickin personally."
The agent grinned and said, "Right, mate." He stamped the passports. "Welcome to Oz."

At least the driver helped load the bags. We got into the back seat, along with the extra bags, and rolled to the embassy. It was heaven. I didn't have to unload anything!
The ambassador meet us at the door. "The Pinwheel embassy is honored to have your presense, Viceroy VivaldiRules and Sir Sir Ralph Sir Edward."
"We're please to accept you hospitalilty, Ambassador." said VR. I just nodded. Fancy words aren't my style.
After we got in the embassy, I asked the Ambassador, "Can I make a call to the US? I need to check on the status of another member of the party, who's in transit commercially from Pinwheel."
"Certainly." And led me to a phone.
I dialled up Mindy's cell phone. I got a blurry, "Who's there?"
"It's your boss, live and in color."
"Boss, do you know what time it is?"
"Time to answer my question so you can go back to sleep. When is BadGoodDeb gonna arrive at Canberra?"
Another blurry "Uh....Another 7 hours."
"Goodnight, Mindy. Don't cramp your wings."
"Goodn'ght...." Click.
I turned to the Ambassador. "We'll have another member of the party arriving at the airport on a commercial flight in 7 hours. If somebody from the embassy could help her thru customs, it'll save time. She'll be traveling as an old lady under the name Enola Emmel. When she gets here, we'll give you a full briefing. Until then, we're lagged out. Can we get a bed around here until then?"
We got led to the VIP quarters and I crashed.

zelda_pinwheel · 12-13-2008, 09:57 AM

the suspense is killing me.

Greg Anos · 12-13-2008, 10:04 AM

One thing I will promise. after I finish the story, I will post a concordance of most of the in-jokes and external references.

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12-10-2008, 12:58 PM	#121
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,547 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Why would Flo-Jo all of a sudden start wearing DixieGal's hose? Wouldn't her own fit much better?

12-11-2008, 04:20 AM	#123
Slite Icanhasdonuts? Posts: 2,837 Karma: 532407 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Mölnbo, Sweden Device: Kobo Aura 2nd edition, Kobo Clara HD	Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! Nothing like a few chapters of this story to brighten up the day! Now, get writing again!

12-11-2008, 10:17 AM	#124
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,520 Karma: 37057604 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	"All right, VR, you're the money pooch. How do we get to Oz?" "In your case, how about in a shark's stomach." "No whale? I know you're cutting corners, but you oughta have some taste." "I couldn't get you inside a shark anyway, professional courtesy only goes so far. What's in your pouch? It looks like it weighs a ton." "Pretty close. Just gifts for pretty girls." VR shook his head. "Let me guess, none of this would pass a commercial airline metal detector." "Give the doggie a slab of bacon!" "I am not a doggie!" growled VR. " I hired you!" "By the by, how do you diplomat smuggle your diplomatic pouches in when the don't meet commercial airliner spec?" "Professional secret. I figured you would do this. I've chartered a plane with one of our own people as pilot." "Who?" "Pshynk." Goody. A talking dog and a flying shrink. Lord, the things I do for money.... "When will it be ready to vamanos?" "If you mean leave, it's waiting for us at the airport." "Mount up, Buell." So VR, his human, and I headed to the airport. We went to the private plane area, where VR's human waived the Diplomatic papers around, which got us through without any searches. I was pulling a trolley with all the bags and diplomatic pouches. Hauling up all those bags was a bear, since as we had waived those Diplomatic papers, nobody could touch the bags but us. I think VR wants me to be a baggage handler in my next life. I finally got the last bag in and collapsed into a seat. The lauch slot was in another 30 minutes. I decided to take a little nap. I woke up to the engines warming up. We got in line for takeoff. Eventually we got to first in line, and off we went. About 30 seconds later, VR hopped up on the chair next to me. "All right, redneck, we're on our way. Start talking." "Ok, did I ever tell you about the time the red-headed barmaid -" "Stop! STOP! You blithering idiot! What about the guy who stole the Golden Coprolite!" "Oh, him. I don't really know who stole it." VR bared his teeth. I could tell I was about to get an armful of teeth if I didn't stop baiting him. Pity. Baiting him was more fun than the case had been, so far. "VR, you hired me to find the Golden Coprolite, not who stole it in the first place. Besides, you want the mastermind, not the small fry. Calm down." "Then try to be more co-operative than a politican at a press conference!" "Weeelll, you're not going to like the answer. Matter of fact you're going to hate the answer. First look at these pictures." I showed him the front, side, and back. "Looks, like a German Sheperd." "Yep, not just any German Shepard. It's Ralph von Wau Wau. I managed to sneak these shots during the Royal Bastich case. They are some of the only known pictures in existance of him. He always used a stand-in for the book pictures. He figured that all German Shepards looked alike to the public. I have confirmed he was in Pinwheel at the time of the heist, and went aboard a private jet with his current human, named GeoffC, who was carrying a chocolate football trophy, which was comfortable large enough to carry the Golden Corpolite in it. The private jet just happened to be piloted by a good friend of the dead queen's bath attendant. Who was carrying the time-lock key to the vault, among other head-of-state communication devices, commonly know as "the football", at the time of her death. Ralph always had a sense of humor." VR had kinda gone blank and just sorta sat there. It's hard on people to find out their idol is a crook. Especially, on a talking doggie who only had a couple of peers. "So, which side are you on, Ralph's or the Queen's?" VR looked up. "The Queen's. She scratches me much better. I assume the jet went to Oz?" "Yep. And you know that Ralph is smarter than both of us put together. I have reason to suspect that his plan will take place in Oz, under a corporate cover. What corporation, and where, I still don't have a clue. Yet. As to why he did it, I don't know. And I mean the why behind the why. Maybe we'll get more info from BadGoodDeb in Canberra. Meanwhile, I need to rack out for a few hours. How 'bout you going up and chattin' with the pilot. Make him earn his keep." I slumped over and went to the dreamtime....

12-11-2008, 10:22 AM	#125
Slite Icanhasdonuts? Posts: 2,837 Karma: 532407 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Mölnbo, Sweden Device: Kobo Aura 2nd edition, Kobo Clara HD	Oh, the suspense! Someone pass the popcorn please?

12-11-2008, 10:35 AM	#126
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	Hey! What's that lever do? AAAAARRRRRFGHHGHGGGHHHGGGHHHH!!

12-12-2008, 11:52 PM	#130
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	I wish the story'd finished before I went on vacation... I'm not positive what kind of internet access I'll have, and I don't want to have to go story-free for a full week...

12-13-2008, 09:16 AM	#132
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	no pressure ! you write it as you feel it.

12-13-2008, 09:53 AM	#133
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,520 Karma: 37057604 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	I was humming Arlo Guthrie's "Coming Into Los Angeles" as we made final approach into Canberra. It seemed appropriate. "Will you quit with the noisemaking. You sound like a drunken hive of bees." "If you think my humming's bad, you should hear my singing." "Merde!" Pshrynk made a nice landing. As we were disembarking, Pshrynk asked us, "What do I do now?" "You got a workin' cellphone here?" "Yes." He gave me the number. "Ok. Stay within 30 minutes travel time of the plane, and stay sober. Have the rest of the crew stay the same. We made be leaving soon, but figure at least 1-2 hours before we do anything. If we end up stumpted here, then we'll go to Darwin." "You guys are finicky customers." "Talk to the money pooch. I'm just the hired help." I got another hernia unloading the bags. Next time Pinwheel was gonna spring for a vetted baggage handler as part of the deal. An Aussie customs officer wandered over to the plane. "Customs check is over there." He pointed to the main terminal. " 'Fraid not, this time. See the markings? Here's my passport and the dog's passport." "Assistant Consul, and Ambassador-at-Large for Pinwheel? Why weren't we notified." " 'Cause this is a high-level flap we're dealing with. Officially, we're not here. Unofficially, we're trying to keep it hush hush. The Austrialian Govenrment has been notified (fat chance, I thought) but for the same reason, they're keepin' it under their hats. No worries, mate, she's right." "I hate dealing with diplos..." "I know, we mess up your job. But if you would just stamp the passports so we can haul this stuff over the embassy car, over there by the private gate, we'd be obliged. Besides, if we get kicked out of the country, I'll make a point of lettin' you do the kickin personally." The agent grinned and said, "Right, mate." He stamped the passports. "Welcome to Oz." At least the driver helped load the bags. We got into the back seat, along with the extra bags, and rolled to the embassy. It was heaven. I didn't have to unload anything! The ambassador meet us at the door. "The Pinwheel embassy is honored to have your presense, Viceroy VivaldiRules and Sir Sir Ralph Sir Edward." "We're please to accept you hospitalilty, Ambassador." said VR. I just nodded. Fancy words aren't my style. After we got in the embassy, I asked the Ambassador, "Can I make a call to the US? I need to check on the status of another member of the party, who's in transit commercially from Pinwheel." "Certainly." And led me to a phone. I dialled up Mindy's cell phone. I got a blurry, "Who's there?" "It's your boss, live and in color." "Boss, do you know what time it is?" "Time to answer my question so you can go back to sleep. When is BadGoodDeb gonna arrive at Canberra?" Another blurry "Uh....Another 7 hours." "Goodnight, Mindy. Don't cramp your wings." "Goodn'ght...." Click. I turned to the Ambassador. "We'll have another member of the party arriving at the airport on a commercial flight in 7 hours. If somebody from the embassy could help her thru customs, it'll save time. She'll be traveling as an old lady under the name Enola Emmel. When she gets here, we'll give you a full briefing. Until then, we're lagged out. Can we get a bed around here until then?" We got led to the VIP quarters and I crashed.

12-13-2008, 09:57 AM	#134
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	the suspense is killing me.

12-13-2008, 10:04 AM	#135
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,520 Karma: 37057604 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	One thing I will promise. after I finish the story, I will post a concordance of most of the in-jokes and external references.