Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 559

crich70 · 01-20-2015, 04:57 PM

Ever hear the one about the dentist who fitted King Kong with dentures? He made a very big impression.

PoP · 01-22-2015, 07:25 PM

"My great-grandfather was once bitten by a rattlesnake. After three days of intense pain, the snake died."

- Riker -- Shades of Grey

crich70 · 01-22-2015, 11:02 PM

There was an old man who chewed his pillow to bits in his sleep. The next day his grandson asked him how he was.
"Oh not too bad," said the old man,"just a little down in the mouth."

~Dick Van Dyke in Marry Poppins

PeterT · 01-22-2015, 11:17 PM

How do you get down from an elephant?

Spoiler:

crich70 · 01-23-2015, 01:11 AM

Q. Where does a 500 lb gorilla sleep?

Spoiler:

Lin2412 · 01-23-2015, 01:15 AM

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings. ‘I have good news and bad news,’ the owner replies. ‘The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.’ ‘That’s wonderful,’ the artist exclaims. ‘What’s the bad news?’ The owner replies, ‘The guy was your doctor…’

pilotbob · 01-23-2015, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lin2412

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings. ‘I have good news and bad news,’ the owner replies. ‘The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.’ ‘That’s wonderful,’ the artist exclaims. ‘What’s the bad news?’ The owner replies, ‘The guy was your doctor…’

or

The guy was an assassin....

or

The guy was your husband...

PoP · 01-23-2015, 02:40 PM

For sale: wedding gown only used once, by error.

Translated from Pierre Dac

KenMagee · 01-26-2015, 09:09 AM

I looked up 'ninjas' on thesaurus.com. It said 'ninjas not found'. Well played, ninjas, well played

crich70 · 01-26-2015, 03:13 PM

The only place you will find success before work is in the dictionary.

badgoodDeb · 01-26-2015, 03:54 PM

And leisure comes even before success! How right you are.

crich70 · 01-26-2015, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

And leisure comes even before success! How right you are.

Actually I got it from an old Archie comic book from when I was a kid.

Lin2412 · 01-27-2015, 04:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

or

The guy was an assassin....

or

The guy was your husband...

The valuable paintings and the insurance that he gets when his wife dies? Why, a husband (who is also probably a part-time assassin) would never.

(I don't know if I stressed the sarcasm enough... but well, there it is. Hahaha)

Lin2412 · 01-27-2015, 04:27 AM

Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking sissies!

I have developed a fascination for IT jokes.

crich70 · 01-28-2015, 03:44 AM

Q. What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Spoiler:

01-22-2015, 11:17 PM	#8374
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,575 Karma: 79436804 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	How do you get down from an elephant? Spoiler: You don't; you get down from a swan (or goose or ....)

01-23-2015, 01:11 AM	#8375
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Q. Where does a 500 lb gorilla sleep? Spoiler: A. Anywhere he wants to

01-28-2015, 03:44 AM	#8385
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Q. What did the stamp say to the envelope? Spoiler: A. Stick with me and you'll go places.

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01-20-2015, 04:57 PM	#8371
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Ever hear the one about the dentist who fitted King Kong with dentures? He made a very big impression.

01-22-2015, 07:25 PM	#8372
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	"My great-grandfather was once bitten by a rattlesnake. After three days of intense pain, the snake died." - Riker -- Shades of Grey

01-22-2015, 11:02 PM	#8373
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	There was an old man who chewed his pillow to bits in his sleep. The next day his grandson asked him how he was. "Oh not too bad," said the old man,"just a little down in the mouth." ~Dick Van Dyke in Marry Poppins

01-23-2015, 01:15 AM	#8376
Lin2412 Grand Sorceress Posts: 456 Karma: 12931465 Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Florida Device: Kindle	An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings. ‘I have good news and bad news,’ the owner replies. ‘The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.’ ‘That’s wonderful,’ the artist exclaims. ‘What’s the bad news?’ The owner replies, ‘The guy was your doctor…’

01-23-2015, 02:40 PM	#8378
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	For sale: wedding gown only used once, by error. Translated from Pierre Dac

01-26-2015, 09:09 AM	#8379
KenMagee Connoisseur Posts: 69 Karma: 2231728 Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Ireland Device: Kindle Fire	I looked up 'ninjas' on thesaurus.com. It said 'ninjas not found'. Well played, ninjas, well played

01-26-2015, 03:13 PM	#8380
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	The only place you will find success before work is in the dictionary.

01-26-2015, 03:54 PM	#8381
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,555 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	And leisure comes even before success! How right you are.

01-27-2015, 04:27 AM	#8384
Lin2412 Grand Sorceress Posts: 456 Karma: 12931465 Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Florida Device: Kindle	Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking sissies! I have developed a fascination for IT jokes.