Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 555

WT Sharpe · 12-23-2014, 11:19 AM

There are only 102 shopping days until Easter.

cromag · 12-24-2014, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

There are only 102 shopping days until Easter.

A friend has spotted (and posted a photo of) an Easter candy display already up in a local store.

japinder · 12-24-2014, 11:24 AM

From one of the forums I follow at XDA for an issue reported during boot:

Q: Flashed this ROM today and got that lame "Kernel is not SEAndroid enforcing set warranty" stuck in boot now. How do I solve this?

A: Close your eyes when booting ... solved it for me

Jp

crich70 · 12-24-2014, 08:44 PM

Some yrs back a friend of my dad was roasted. He'd been the editor of his local paper and had caught some odd errors in ads. One was "Chicken's for sale. All dressed and ready for the rooster." It was supposed to read,"Chicken's for sale. All dressed and ready for the roaster."

poohbear_nc · 12-24-2014, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crich70

Some yrs back a friend of my dad was roasted. He'd been the editor of his local paper and had caught some odd errors in ads. One was "Chicken's for sale. All dressed and ready for the rooster." It was supposed to read,"Chicken's for sale. All dressed and ready for the roaster."

You mean it wasn't a dating service for chickens?

No wonder my letters were never answered!

crich70 · 12-24-2014, 09:18 PM

Yeah. Another was for the sale of a station wagon "Nine person roof rack" It was supposed to read "Nine Person, roof rack."

Fbone · 12-25-2014, 02:33 AM

"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there."
--Ron Richards

yvanleterrible · 12-25-2014, 08:29 AM

[Image violates posting guidelines for size - MODERATOR]

crich70 · 12-25-2014, 09:13 AM

I was just thinking of a short clip from an issue of Writer's Digest magazine. It went something like this:

"Come on Mary it's just one night in the stable and no one will ever know."
She bought it.

PoP · 12-25-2014, 09:22 AM

Not new by any means... I removed the conclusion, I think that implying it gives it a better twist

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

Fbone · 12-26-2014, 06:19 PM

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't." -Rhonda Hansome

orlok · 12-27-2014, 12:56 PM

Earlier this month my wife said, "Do you think I could have a diamond at some point in the future?"

So for Christmas I gave her a lump of coal.

crich70 · 12-27-2014, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Earlier this month my wife said, "Do you think I could have a diamond at some point in the future?"

So for Christmas I gave her a lump of coal.

And how many lumps did she give you in return?

Fbone · 12-27-2014, 04:43 PM

Sign on a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:

"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

crich70 · 12-27-2014, 04:49 PM

Sign on a Dentist's wall:

"Eat Candy. Support your local Dentist."

12-24-2014, 11:24 AM	#8313
japinder jp Posts: 139 Karma: 12834 Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Singapore Device: Onyx Boox Note Air, Remarkable 1, Kindle Oasis 2	From one of the forums I follow at XDA for an issue reported during boot: Q: Flashed this ROM today and got that lame "Kernel is not SEAndroid enforcing set warranty" stuck in boot now. How do I solve this? A: Close your eyes when booting ... solved it for me Jp Last edited by japinder; 12-24-2014 at 11:31 AM.

12-25-2014, 08:29 AM	#8318
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	[Image violates posting guidelines for size - MODERATOR] Last edited by Dr. Drib; 01-07-2015 at 10:21 AM.

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12-23-2014, 11:19 AM	#8311
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	There are only 102 shopping days until Easter.

12-24-2014, 08:44 PM	#8314
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Some yrs back a friend of my dad was roasted. He'd been the editor of his local paper and had caught some odd errors in ads. One was "Chicken's for sale. All dressed and ready for the rooster." It was supposed to read,"Chicken's for sale. All dressed and ready for the roaster."

12-24-2014, 09:18 PM	#8316
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Yeah. Another was for the sale of a station wagon "Nine person roof rack" It was supposed to read "Nine Person, roof rack."

12-25-2014, 02:33 AM	#8317
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there." --Ron Richards

12-25-2014, 09:13 AM	#8319
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	I was just thinking of a short clip from an issue of Writer's Digest magazine. It went something like this: "Come on Mary it's just one night in the stable and no one will ever know." She bought it.

12-25-2014, 09:22 AM	#8320
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	Not new by any means... I removed the conclusion, I think that implying it gives it a better twist When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

12-26-2014, 06:19 PM	#8321
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't." -Rhonda Hansome

12-27-2014, 12:56 PM	#8322
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Earlier this month my wife said, "Do you think I could have a diamond at some point in the future?" So for Christmas I gave her a lump of coal.

12-27-2014, 04:43 PM	#8324
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,298 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Sign on a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

12-27-2014, 04:49 PM	#8325
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Sign on a Dentist's wall: "Eat Candy. Support your local Dentist."