Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 545

orlok · 11-03-2014, 06:04 PM

"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives," smiled my girlfriend as we flew out to our dream holiday in Hawaii.

"You seem pretty sure of yourself," I replied.

"I am," she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

HomeInMyShoes · 11-04-2014, 09:34 AM

^Haha.

Bilbo1967 · 11-04-2014, 10:13 AM

A man got this text from a neighbour.....

Quote:

I am so sorry mate. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not
around, in fact more than you. I do not get it at home, but that's no
excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest
apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Spoiler:

crich70 · 11-04-2014, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

A man got this text from a neighbour.....

Quote:

I am so sorry mate. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not
around, in fact more than you. I do not get it at home, but that's no
excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest
apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Spoiler:

wodin · 11-04-2014, 12:12 PM

I love limericks, but sometimes they can be a bit risqué for a family friendly forum so:

Spoiler:

yvanleterrible · 11-04-2014, 12:39 PM

" In the forecast for next weekend, two feet of snow!"

Spoiler:

Actually that's what they got in northern New Brunswick on Sunday...

DMcCunney · 11-04-2014, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

I love limericks, but sometimes they can be a bit risqué for a family friendly forum so:

Spoiler:

A limerick packs laughs anatomical
into space that is quite economical
but the good ones I've seen
are so seldom clean,
and the clean ones are so seldom comical!
______
Dennis

Glorfindel · 11-04-2014, 01:03 PM

Good one Dennis

crich70 · 11-04-2014, 09:43 PM

Q. Why was the belt in jail?

Spoiler:

Stitchawl · 11-04-2014, 10:26 PM

What does it mean if Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin?

Spoiler:

Stitchawl

HomeInMyShoes · 11-05-2014, 09:11 AM

^I am reminded of a slogan I saw somewhere:

"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says 'Oh Crap, She's up!'"

BenG · 11-05-2014, 01:11 PM

orlok · 11-06-2014, 12:54 PM

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it was going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then!"

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake. And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank before he died. I married his widow."

crich70 · 11-06-2014, 02:43 PM

Sounds like old Frank knew just when to shuffle off this mortal coil as well.

yvanleterrible · 11-07-2014, 07:44 AM

Frank was so amazing that he's made his presence felt for the third time on this thread.

11-04-2014, 12:12 PM	#8165
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	I love limericks, but sometimes they can be a bit risqué for a family friendly forum so: Spoiler: In days of old, When knights were bold, and condoms weren't invented. They tied their c***s with dirty socks, and babies were prevented.

11-04-2014, 09:43 PM	#8169
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Q. Why was the belt in jail? Spoiler: A. Because he'd held up a pair of pants! :lol:

11-04-2014, 10:26 PM	#8170
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	What does it mean if Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? Spoiler: (Asking for a friend... Really... No, really.) Stitchawl

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

11-03-2014, 06:04 PM	#8161
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives," smiled my girlfriend as we flew out to our dream holiday in Hawaii. "You seem pretty sure of yourself," I replied. "I am," she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

11-04-2014, 09:34 AM	#8162
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	^Haha.

11-04-2014, 12:39 PM	#8166
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	" In the forecast for next weekend, two feet of snow!" Spoiler: Actually that's what they got in northern New Brunswick on Sunday...

11-04-2014, 01:03 PM	#8168
Glorfindel Force-Aware Elf Posts: 4,762 Karma: 11557898 Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Valinor Device: Kindle 4 w/SO	Good one Dennis

11-05-2014, 09:11 AM	#8171
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	^I am reminded of a slogan I saw somewhere: "Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says 'Oh Crap, She's up!'"

11-05-2014, 01:11 PM	#8172
BenG Home Guard Posts: 4,730 Karma: 86721650 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Alpha Ralpha Boulevard Device: Kindle Oasis 3G, iPhone 6

11-06-2014, 12:54 PM	#8173
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it was going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow, some guy then!" Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake. And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank before he died. I married his widow."

11-06-2014, 02:43 PM	#8174
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Sounds like old Frank knew just when to shuffle off this mortal coil as well.

11-07-2014, 07:44 AM	#8175
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Frank was so amazing that he's made his presence felt for the third time on this thread.