Corrupt-a-Wish

[Slite]

Originally Posted by Wordcrasher

Granted, it was Friday already waking you. You are now Robinson Crusoe.

I wish the temperature here was rising to the normal average for October.

To slow there

[Slite]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

Granted, the temperature has now risen to the normal average for October in Jabiru, Northern Territory, Australia, of 37.6C.

I wish I was a gibbon.

Granted, but something went wrong, so instead you are now a Lemur (Or is that a Squirrel)

I wish I was immortal, so I have time to read all the books I want to.

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by Slite

Granted, but something went wrong, so instead you are now a Lemur (Or is that a Squirrel)

A squirrel, wrapped in a lemur, wrapped in a gibbon, wrapped in a llama-skin overcoat.

I wish I was immortal, so I have time to read all the books I want to.

Granted, but in some blatant plagiarism of an episode from The Twilight Tales From Beyond The Unexpected Zone, while leaning over to pick up your first item of reading material, the glasses that you must use to read fall off your face and shatter on the floor, and for some reason, which there is no time to go into now to explain, you cannot at all replace them and are forced to watch endless repeats of Knight Rider, old and new seasons, instead, because of similar reasons to those that explain why you can't replace your glasses but for which time is too short to explain right now (also, Sylvester Stallone plays all the parts). Squirrels are eating your nuts too.

I wish I wrote for the current season of Knight Rider, so that there were more gibbons, lemurs, squirrels and llamas in it (with a one-off special guest appearance by a laughing panda), and therefore it would be much better (and I would get rid of that smug bastard voice in the car and replace it with Fran Drescher's, just because I can, and because she needs the work).

[Slite]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

A squirrel, wrapped in a lemur, wrapped in a gibbon, wrapped in a llama-skin overcoat.



Granted, but in some blatant plagiarism of The Twilight Tales From Beyond The Unexpexted Zone episode, while leaning over to pick up your first item of reading material, the glasses that you must use to read fall off your face and shatter on the floor, and for some reason, which there is no time to go into now to explain, you cannot at all replace them and are forced to watch endless repeats of Knight Rider, old and new seasons, instead, because of similar reasons to those that explain why you can't replace your glasses but for which time is too short to explain right now (also, Sylvester Stallone plays all the parts). Squirrels are eating your nuts too.

I wish I wrote for the current season of Knight Rider, so that there were more gibbons, lemurs, squirrels and llamas in it (with a one-off special guest appearance by a laughing panda), and therefore it would be much better (and I would get rid of that smug bastard voice in the car and replace it with Fran Drescher's, just because I can, and because she needs the work).

Granted, but all the gibbons, lemurs, squirrels and llamas, and the laughing panda is really Sylvester Stallone in a furcoat, and the voice of kit is Sylvester Stallone impersonating Fran Drescher (because he needs the work) Not to mention that the car is replaced by Sylvester Stallone standing on all four going "VROOM VROOM *beep-beep* VROOOOOOOOM"

I wish I could stop putting Sylvester Stallone into all TV or Movie related wishes.

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by Slite

Granted, but all the gibbons, lemurs, squirrels and llamas, and the laughing panda is really Sylvester Stallone in a furcoat, and the voice of kit is Sylvester Stallone impersonating Fran Drescher (because he needs the work) Not to mention that the car is replaced by Sylvester Stallone standing on all four going "VROOM VROOM *beep-beep* VROOOOOOOOM"

I wish I could stop putting Sylvester Stallone into all TV or Movie related wishes.

Granted, but, seeing as the forum virus is obviously highly infectious, and you have spread it to me, you are soon reinfected by a more virulent strain that now makes you say "Sylvester Stallone" at least three times in every TV or Movie wish corruption (see above).

I wish we all could go out for a big dinner together, with Fran Drescher as guest of honour.

[Slite]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

Granted, but, seeing as the forum virus is obviously highly infectious, and you have spread it to me, you are soon reinfected by a more virulent strain that now makes you say "Sylvester Stallone" at least three times in every TV or Movie wish corruption (see above).

I wish we all could go out for a big dinner together, with Fran Drescher as guest of honour.

Granted, but due to Fran's incredibly annoying voice, all the glasses in the resturant explodes, hence, no Zany Carters and the dinner is a huge disapointment. And to make it worse, Sylvester Stallone and his mother is in the same place having dinner together with 9 squirrels, 13 lemurs, 4 llamas and a panda with an attitude. So LazyScot (who finally got out of the bunker) goes into screaming hysterics.

I wish I didn't feel the compulsion to continue corrupting wishes.

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by Slite

...So LazyScot (who finally got out of the bunker) goes into screaming hysterics.

So, not a total loss then. LazyScot's screaming hysterics are always good for a laugh (I just snuck in through his window and hid an animatronic squirrel under his pillow, with a pressure sensor to set it off).

I wish I didn't feel the compulsion to continue corrupting wishes.

Granted...gets boring real quick, doesn't it?

I wish Slite got back his compulsion to continue corrupting wishes.

[Slite]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

So, not a total loss then. LazyScot's screaming hysterics are always good for a laugh (I just snuck in through his window and hid an animatronic squirrel under his pillow, with a pressure sensor to set it off).



Granted...gets boring real quick, doesn't it?

I wish Slite got back his compulsion to continue corrupting wishes.

Granted, but as I try desperatly not to, my corruptions will be ever increasing in wordiness, wierdness and generally nastier. You will soon regret your wish, in fact, due to the side-effect of your latest wish one gazillon pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling pirate ninja squirrels infested your refrigirator and ate all your food, before heading out for Paris where they will unexpecetedly show up at the MR meet, and then finaly head over to LazyScot's bunker to listen to the ruccus of the animantronic Squirrel going off.

I wish I couold make sense of my own postings...

[Cookie Monster]

Originally Posted by Slite

I wish I couold make sense of my own postings...

Granted but doing so gives you a one way trip to a padded cell and a straitjacket

I wish i was a pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling pirate ninja squirrel

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

So, not a total loss then. LazyScot's screaming hysterics are always good for a laugh (I just snuck in through his window and hid an animatronic squirrel under his pillow, with a pressure sensor to set it off).

They are not screaming hysterics. They are rational, argued warnings of impending danger, and the occasional high-volume, high-pitched nature of the delivery is simply my passion on the squirrel thread coming through, and the tears as just because of the onions.

Anyway, squirrels are a real threat--for instance, you think they are just doing fun things like burying nuts, don't you? Nonsense! they're establishing minefields of quantum point-singularity mines to deny free access to roam, and keep their top-secret research centers (in the trunks of particularly old trees) safely hidden from prying eyes. And anyway Marc, you are still a kitnapped agent of the squirrels, all of you, which is why you gave them the light-sabres and denied Sir R his legal right of defense.

And that was no anamatronic squirrel -- it was a real one, trained ninja assassin. The only reason I escaped is the bag of chocolate peanuts and a news story on the financial rescue bid that got it side-tracked into calling its broker to buy more chaos-futures and short sell on election victories. That and the fact I can run very fast when scared, and I deployed another biochemical defense smoke screen (I think the Hazmat and laundry experts are still tied up cleaning that up).

And the only anamatronics the squirrels use are for the control of their evil avatars. Slice the head off evil-doers, and you I'll find that there's a squirrel sitting there. You know it's true: you've seen it in Movies which proves that MoM and DoC have attempted to discredit it proving the squirrel threat.

Originally Posted by montsnmags

I wish Slite got back his compulsion to continue corrupting wishes.

Granted. Unfortunately he corrupts the previous wish, and not the one he is granting.....

I wish that people believed me that at least most of Marc had been kitnapped by the squirrels, was acting in cahoots with the furry fiends and we came up with some way to rescue him.

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by Cookie Monster

Granted but doing so gives you a one way trip to a padded cell and a straitjacket

Ahh, [something] minds think alike. Scared? {insert evil and just ever so slightly psychopathic laughter}

I wish i was a pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling pirate ninja squirrel

Granted, you are now the fake, animatronic, pressure-sensitive, pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling pirate ninja squirrel that I hid under LazyScot's pillow.

I wish Doctor Who, Spongebob Squarepants, Touched By An Angel and The Crocodile Hunter would stop plagiarising my autobiography.

[Slite]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

Ahh, [something] minds think alike. Scared? {insert evil and just ever so slightly psychopathic laughter}



Granted, you are now the fake, animatronic, pressure-sensitive, pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling pirate ninja squirrel that I hid under LazyScot's pillow.

I wish Doctor Who, Spongebob Squarepants, Touched By An Angel and The Crocodile Hunter would stop plagiarising my autobiography.

Granted, instead Sylvester Stallone, His mother, and a pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling pirate ninja squirrel start plagiarising your autobiography (And LazyScot goes into hysterics again)

I wish i could go out on a limb

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

Granted, you are now the fake, animatronic, pressure-sensitive, pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling pirate ninja squirrel that I hid under LazyScot's pillow.

Wait a minute... Pressure-sensitive... PRESSURE SENSITIVE???? Where is that sledge hammer I had around here.... Ahh there it is...

Originally Posted by montsnmags

I wish Doctor Who, Spongebob Squarepants, Touched By An Angel and The Crocodile Hunter would stop plagiarising my autobiography.

Granted. Now it is just Neighbours that is plagarising your autobiography. You life suddenly seems somewhat less interesting and the publisher is re-negotiating your advance.

I wish I knew what happened when I hit a fake, animatronic, pressure-sensitive, pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling, dark jedi, pirate ninja, squirrel peanut Cookie Monster with a sledge hammer...

[Slite]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

Wait a minute... Pressure-sensitive... PRESSURE SENSITIVE???? Where is that sledge hammer I had around here.... Ahh there it is...



Granted. Now it is just Neighbours that is plagarising your autobiography. You life suddenly seems somewhat less interesting and the publisher is re-negotiating your advance.

I wish I knew what happened when I hit a fake, animatronic, pressure-sensitive, pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling, dark jedi, pirate ninja, squirrel peanut Cookie Monster with a sledge hammer...

Granted, you now know, but you really wish you didnt. The hysterics, the screams and the tears are galore. Not to mention that the aftermath of a fake, animatronic, pressure-sensitive, pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling, dark jedi, pirate ninja, squirrel peanut Cookie Monster hit with a sledge hammer smells really funky.

I wish SOMEONE could make sense of my postings.

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by Slite

Granted, you now know, but you really wish you didnt. The hysterics, the screams and the tears are galore. Not to mention that the aftermath of a fake, animatronic, pressure-sensitive, pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling, dark jedi, pirate ninja, squirrel peanut Cookie Monster hit with a sledge hammer smells really funky.

<LazyScot is seen gibbering helplessly about fractal squirrels, Walt Disney Fantasia's broomsticks as he returns to hiding back under the bed in the bunker.>

Originally Posted by Slite

I wish SOMEONE could make sense of my postings.

Granted. Sadly, their psychiatrists have denied SOMEONE use of computers so they are unable to read you posts or explain them to anyone.

I wish I had somewhere safer to hide from the pressure-sensitive, pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, meta-evil, time-travelling, dark jedi, pirate ninja, fractal squirrel threat.

<whimpers quietly...>