Unutterably Silly Escape Committee

[GeoffC]

Flits in, flits out - the invisible poster extraordinaire -....

[RWood]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

Flits in, flits out - the invisible poster extraordinaire -....

I completely agree Mr. Flitter.

[GeoffC]

noticed ! -

the shock of it....

faints....

[nekokami]

Originally Posted by RWood

I am a bit concerned about the new control electronics for the plane. This fly-by-wire concept is great but did you have to use a Windows based GUI for the flaps and engines?

I most emphatically did not install any kind of Windows on the plane. I gave you dual-boot Linux and OSX, with an option to run Solaris if you prefer.

Someone has sabotaged my work!

[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by nekokami

I most emphatically did not install any kind of Windows on the plane.

How will you know where you're going ??

[nekokami]

Silly. The pilots are all enabled with psychic abilities.

{mutter mutter... the questions people ask... think they would have read the documentation....}

[Sparrow]

Ah, I see - obvious when you think about it.

Soz .

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

My sanity was definitely not an asset here, thought LazyScot, as the crowded pickup headed down the road to the mall.

"Oh great." Said LazyScot as they drew into the completely full parking lot of the Mall. "Where on earth are we going to park – this is not a small pickup…"

"Over there by the door." Said the BatAI, "in the slot reserved for Panda and llama carrying vehicles.

"??????????" said LazyScot as he disbelievingly drew over to the parking slot that the BatAI's satnav was indicating. "Suspending disbelief, my foot." he muttered to himself, as he parked.

"Right; give everyone a portion of the shopping list; and lets get out, get the stuff and get back" said LazyScot as everyone piled out of the pickup and into the entrance to the Mall.

"I say, " said Charles as they entered the mall, "I don't suppose you would have any currency on you. I believe it is normal practice to pay for – "

There are certain moments when time freezes and one suddenly realises that you may not have fully considered your situation and perhaps the brilliant plan you felt would help you conquer the world would be better filed under "rose fertilizer". For LazyScot, this was one of those moments. The entire crowded mall stopped and looked at him. And pointed at him, and the weapon carrying pandas in assorted clothes, and the flying origami Klein bottle, and the talking llamas. And the silence rolled back through the mall like a tsunami, preceded by a deafening susurration.

"Oh…….. dear." Said LazyScot. "I don't suppose you have any ideas. Preferrably good ones?" And with that the mall's security guards walked forward and formed a barrier.

"Ummm. I don't suppose those weapons…" mumbled LazyScot to Pandaborg-B.

"No. Those people are innocents." He replied.

"I've an idea." Said the BatAI. "First, get the llamas in front of you, and then get your hands on your Smokie."

With that, LazyScot ushered the llamas through to the front, to a chorus of "Ahhh. Cute"'s from the assembled crowd.

"Okay. Stop right there. We believe you are dangerous escapees. Now stand still and raise your hands …… or paws….. or hooves…. or whatever." The lead guard shook his head in confusion, and in a triumph of training over reality, carried on. "You are providing a threat to the right of the citizen to freely spend money they don't have on products they don't need at prices they can't afford. Now stand still."

"Now get out the Smokie and ask them if they like Jane Austen." Said the BatAI

"I don't suppose you like Jane Austen, do you?" LazyScot asked the guards, whilst opening a bag he had not noticed he had been carrying until that very moment.

"Stop doing that. Naah. Can't stand stupid books like that." said the guards in unison.

"What.?!!!" Shouted all the llamas at once and twitched. As one they leapt into the air, and entered a slow-motion fight sequence that both the very best Pixar creative minds and John Woo would have been proud of, in a co-ordinated synchronised pattern that would have had Busby Berkeley weeping with pride.

"What's going on. And Why?" asked LazyScot as the camera slowly panned round the llamas as they slowly extended their legs and flew towards the near frozen guards who moved their weapons with almost imperceptible slowness.

"The residual training of the Knights of Literature. Not a good idea to say you don't like real literature to a Knight or their agent. They tend not to react….. kindly. Whilst they're dealing with the guards could you get out the smokie, and let people know what it is." Said the BatAI.

"Oh yes; sorry about that" said LazyScot, and proceeded to get a smokie out.

"This is an Arbroath Smokie." He shouted to the crowd, as the llamas flew towards the guards.

A vast range of mutterings flew around the crowd: "what." "that thing that frighted the newsreader" "probably deadly weapon" "some foreign food" "biological threat" "deadly" "get out of here". The edges of the crowd started disappearing out the exits, with rapidly increasing speed. And with that the llamas arrived at the guards and each llama sent three guards flying through the air towards the walls.

The crowd's mutter rose to a torrent and changed to a panic as they noticed the guards new found flying prowess. "those smokies are deadly." "they can kill you in seconds." "could wipe out a city" "no-one can stop those" "have you seen the weapons the panda are carrying". And with that Mall emptied, just as the guards collided with the walls and knocked senseless.

"I just held up and emptied a huge shopping mall armed only with an Arbroath Smokie?" said a disbelieving LazyScot.

"Don't forget us llamas," said Charles, "It would be a lot easier on you if you'd just read the script you know."

[Patricia]

Thank heavens no one gave him a Finnan Haddie.

[nekokami]

I think we should leave cash on the counters for anything we pick up, however. Particularly books. I do not want this to end up turning into a piracy/copyright thread.

[badgoodDeb]

What?? Did LazyScot forget to bring The Credit Card? The one we provided with a huge balance, just so he could buy all those things we said we needed? The things for which the need is now getting DESPARATE (especially the chocolate) ?? Hey, LazyScot -- switch frequencies on your brain for a moment. There, I've just mentally sent you the credit card number, the expiration date, and the secret 3 digits on the back. You should be all set.

Hurry back with that Chocolate!!!!

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by nekokami

I think we should leave cash on the counters for anything we pick up, however....

I have an account there. GO NUTS! (or at least, nuttier)

Cheers,
Marc

[RWood]

We plan a great escape, we pool our funds, while he spends it all on junk and loses the llamas. OK, I'm not telling Zelda, let him take the fall and if he loses his head, so be it. We've covered enough for LS, its time he stood up for himselfrather than hide behind fancy dialog and and a Nasonex dispenser.

[nekokami]

Originally Posted by RWood

We plan a great escape, we pool our funds, while he spends it all on junk and loses the llamas. OK, I'm not telling Zelda, let him take the fall and if he loses his head, so be it. We've covered enough for LS, its time he stood up for himselfrather than hide behind fancy dialog and and a Nasonex dispenser.

I was with you until you got to the Nasonex dispenser....

[LazyScot]

"EXCUSE ME." Said Nekokami, in a diplomatic attempt to stop being ignored, "I will not be party to any sort of illegal activity. I have the perfect solution. Will you please follow me to the Mailboxes, etc. store over there."

"I'm sorry, you've lost me." <pause> "Not that that is unusual." said LazyScot.

"The money you forgot to bring with us. I'll get it mailed to us."

"That's no good, we need it now."

"You forget, we come from the Lounge."

"That makes even less sense than normal."

"Montsnmags Enterprises."

"Nope. That makes no more sense. Montsnmags Enterprises never makes sense."

"Okay. Have you ever seen the Bill and Ted movies?"

"I'll take the Fifth on that."

"I'm going to have to spell this out for you, aren't I. In a couple of weeks, I'll get Montsmags to send your money back in time, and get it posted to that Mailboxes store so we can pick it up now. Follow?"

"Yes."

"But I'm going to charge you interest as well."

"Thanks, that's very kind of you." Said LazyScot in a very grateful tone.

"Thanks?" said Nekokami in a very confused tone.

"Yes. You see I'll give you the money back tomorrow, but you'll only start loaning it to me when Montsnmags sends it to me in a couple of weeks. So I'll have borrowed it for a negative time period. So that means you owe me money."

"As soon as I work out a the way round this, I'll let you know." Said an aggrieved Nekokami, as they walked into the store. And there, sitting on the counter was a parcel; clearly labelled LazyScot -- To be collected. "You'd better give me the wrapping paper." Said Nekokami as LazyScot undid the parcel and extracted the money.

"Right. Let's get the last of the shopping. Charles, if you are back up to speed, would you and your llamas be willing to help carry the shopping?"

"But of course; only too delighted to help. Emily and Jane, you go with pandaborgs. George, Anne and Charlotte, can you go with Nekokami to get the tea and chocolate. I'll go with Dorothy and William and see if we can find some cocktail ingredients. You and Zelda can have Arthur."

"Do you mind if I just nip over to the Cybercafe?" asked the Pandaborg Policeman

"Go ahead; I'm sure we can manage." Said LazyScot and divided up the money between the various teams, and with that everyone disappeared off into different parts of the Mall.