Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 402

Fbone · 02-05-2013, 02:44 PM

“I’m sure wherever my father is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”

PeterT · 02-05-2013, 03:53 PM

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz.

The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have
nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Stitchawl · 02-05-2013, 07:17 PM

She was only the stable owner's daughter, but all the horsemanure.

Stitchawl

Bookpossum · 02-05-2013, 07:19 PM

Now look what you have started, Peter!

Freeshadow · 02-05-2013, 08:22 PM

Well he has a puny bone obviously

PeterT · 02-05-2013, 10:47 PM

I'm sorry

I didn't mean to cause trouble! Honestly!!

orlok · 02-06-2013, 03:40 AM

Wife: "What are you doing?"

Husband: "Nothing."

Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."

steven522 · 02-06-2013, 08:37 AM

An impatient man was arrested by the police yesterday because he threw his container of Morton's Iodized and his 4 pack of Duracell D's at the woman in front of him because she had fourteen items in her basket at the ten-items-or-less checkout.

He was charged with a salt and batteries.

wodin · 02-06-2013, 12:39 PM

And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck.”

So God made a banker.

steven522 · 02-06-2013, 01:22 PM

Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?

That's right...

He was charged with a saltine battery.

WT Sharpe · 02-06-2013, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven522

Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?

That's right...

He was charged with a saltine battery.

Ajax · 02-06-2013, 08:05 PM

Two atoms are walking down the street together.

The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"

"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.

To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Fbone · 02-06-2013, 09:54 PM

“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”

PeterT · 02-07-2013, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”

Is this like the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, where by I deposit $1 now and by the wonders of compound interest can afford to buy a Pepsi in 2030?

steven522 · 02-07-2013, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeterT

...I deposit $1 now and by the wonders of compound interest can afford to buy a Pepsi in 2030?

Not with today's economy...

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

02-05-2013, 02:44 PM	#6016
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	“I’m sure wherever my father is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”

02-05-2013, 03:53 PM	#6017
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,552 Karma: 79436716 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now. I tried to catch some fog. I mist. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words . They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O. A dyslexic man walks into a bra . PMS jokes aren't funny, period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz. The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! Broken pencils are pointless. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro - what a rip off! Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy. Venison for dinner? Oh deer! Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

02-05-2013, 07:17 PM	#6018
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	She was only the stable owner's daughter, but all the horsemanure. Stitchawl

02-05-2013, 07:19 PM	#6019
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Now look what you have started, Peter!

02-05-2013, 08:22 PM	#6020
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,815 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	Well he has a puny bone obviously

02-05-2013, 10:47 PM	#6021
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,552 Karma: 79436716 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause trouble! Honestly!!

02-06-2013, 03:40 AM	#6022
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband: "Nothing." Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."

02-06-2013, 08:37 AM	#6023
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	An impatient man was arrested by the police yesterday because he threw his container of Morton's Iodized and his 4 pack of Duracell D's at the woman in front of him because she had fourteen items in her basket at the ten-items-or-less checkout. He was charged with a salt and batteries.

02-06-2013, 12:39 PM	#6024
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck.” So God made a banker.

02-06-2013, 01:22 PM	#6025
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers? That's right... He was charged with a saltine battery.

02-06-2013, 08:05 PM	#6027
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!" "Are you sure?" asks the second atom. To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

02-06-2013, 09:54 PM	#6028
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”