12-02-2012, 06:09 PM | #5716 |
Guru
Posts: 802
Karma: 4727110
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Sweden
Device: Iriver Story
|
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
|
12-02-2012, 06:31 PM | #5717 | |
Reborn Paper User
Posts: 8,616
Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
|
Quote:
|
|
12-03-2012, 03:05 AM | #5718 |
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
Posts: 72,157
Karma: 308792702
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Norfolk, England
Device: Kindle Voyage
|
|
12-03-2012, 05:10 AM | #5719 |
Reading and reading
Posts: 582
Karma: 8250144
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One
|
A woman was dying. She called her husband and confessed, "Darling, I am sorry. I cheated on you."
Husband replies, "I know. That's why I poisoned you." |
12-03-2012, 05:22 AM | #5720 |
Reading and reading
Posts: 582
Karma: 8250144
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One
|
A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her while making love. Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.
She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?" He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away." Then she says, "And the last part?" He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?" |
12-03-2012, 06:14 AM | #5721 | |
Reborn Paper User
Posts: 8,616
Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
|
Quote:
Older jokes do have a certain charm as they reflect their time and context. Then again there's nothing new under the sun. Humans are humans... |
|
12-03-2012, 03:54 PM | #5722 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,217
Karma: 101696762
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
|
"Dear," asked a wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" asked the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said. "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "All right," said the husband, "I'd remarry." "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes," said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" asked the wife. After a long pause. "Well, yes, I suppose I would," replied the husband. "I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?" "I suppose, if she wanted to," said the husband. "Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." "Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too!?" "Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed." |
12-03-2012, 06:40 PM | #5723 |
Reborn Paper User
Posts: 8,616
Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
|
Almost peed myself... phew!
|
12-03-2012, 07:37 PM | #5724 |
Opsimath
Posts: 12,344
Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
|
|
12-03-2012, 07:38 PM | #5725 |
Opsimath
Posts: 12,344
Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
|
|
12-04-2012, 03:57 PM | #5726 |
Guru
Posts: 802
Karma: 4727110
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Sweden
Device: Iriver Story
|
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
|
12-04-2012, 08:32 PM | #5727 |
Snoozing in the sun
Posts: 10,137
Karma: 115423645
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch
|
|
12-04-2012, 10:12 PM | #5728 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,217
Karma: 101696762
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
|
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a new-born baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants." |
12-05-2012, 05:07 AM | #5729 |
Reading and reading
Posts: 582
Karma: 8250144
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One
|
A young Corporal is sitting in the smoking area having a cigarette, when a brand new Lieutenant walks up him. The Lieutenant asks "Corporal, do you have change for a $20 bill?" The Corporal replies "Yea, sure buddy, one second." Hearing this, the Officer grows cross. "Corporal, I am a Commissioned Officer and you will address me appropriately. Stand up straight, get that smoke out of your mouth, and try again. Now, do you have change for a $20 bill?" The Corporal stands straight up, looks directly to his front and yells
Spoiler:
|
12-05-2012, 02:17 PM | #5730 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,217
Karma: 101696762
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
|
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it." |
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Add from the Mobile Read Library? | danwdoo | Calibre | 8 | 12-03-2014 06:03 PM |
Good Day Eh!! :-) | Gedvondur | Introduce Yourself | 12 | 07-22-2010 12:16 AM |
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background? | rlsamson | Barnes & Noble NOOK | 3 | 06-30-2010 04:56 PM |
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released | Alexander Turcic | Reading and Management | 2 | 02-20-2006 03:47 AM |