Unutterably Silly All hail Empress Zelda!

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

well, as moderator, i *do* have a jetpack. so it's not a completely unreasonable request.

Five Reasons You Don't Have A Personal Jetpack Yet
(linky above to i09 blog post)

Okay, so I'll respond below to each reason, and give a final sixth:

1. Humans fly very well. It's only in the majority of directions that we experience problems. Straight down, we fly with the best. Down is just a label, a state of mind, an arbitrary term developed by gravitist minds, though admittedly it's one that generally has a rather large barrier at the end of it preventing long term flight plans.

2. This assumes that you power a jet with onboard fuel. A significant portion of the "jetpack" supplied by Montsnmags Enterprises is actually a Cold Fusion Continuum Pincher, which rips a small five-dimensional torus into the high-pressure atmosphere of the nearest gas-giant, which naturally "escapes" into the lower-pressure atmosphere of the jetpack's "ignition chamber" and, thence, obviously, at high speed out of the nozzle. Fuel is, for all intensive purposes, unlimited, and power is controlled by adjusting atmosphere-depth. Of course, this extraterrestrial out-gassing will explain the provision of a gas-mask (now the new Porsche Design range) with each jetpack.
[Note: The above describes our jetpack design specific to "Earth" (Multiversal Designation: Gal:Ranginui,Pla:Papatuānuku). Other models suitable for and adjustable to 100,568,247,546 different environments also available]

3. As with item 1, "Danger" is a state of mind. It is a warning attached to Fear. It is a means of government control of the airspace. It is the way The Man keeps us down. It is the barrier between us breaking through that old biblical bond of becoming ashes and dust. It is a challenge to take to the skies!
[Note: Montsnmags Enterprises accepts no responsibility for use of the jetpack in any way shape or form. All users are cautioned that attempting to pass through intergalactic traffic routes or, alternatively, large mountains, with the jetpack may result in the last thing on your mind being your backside]

4. Clearly this material has been referenced from some historic pamphlet of ours issued prior to the passing of the iPod Bylaw by the Jobsian Instrumentality, which negated all noise complaints with the observation that, subsequent to the compulsory implementation on all meatbags...err, humans, of the new iPod Shunt, no one is actually listening (at least, not to anything other than whatever iTunes tells them to).
[Hunt Force Silencer option is available for a small price on the Earth model Jetpack]

5. This is self-evidently stupid, moronic tripe written by the kind of feeble-minded bowl of porridge that also thinks that icecream is an unbalanced foodstuff unnecessary for existence, and that gibbons can't be inadvertently violent, nor invisible. Montsnmags Enterprises has applied to the ChronosFear to have the author's grandparents beaten with soggy, dead badgers and then shunted inside the nearest Event Horizon for extreme spaghettification. (I mean, really..."We don't really need jetpacks"...What a pillock.)


There is, as mentioned at the start, a "final sixth" reason for why "You Don't Have A Personal Jetpack Yet", and this is the only current valid reason:

6. You are NOT a Moderator
[Availability to Earth humanoids is currently limited to singular distribution channel contractual arrangements with Fully Converged Leader Alexander Turcic of MobileRead MultiVersal Incorporated. Correspondence with Montsnmags Enterprises outside of this channel cannot be accepted due to certain NDA clauses within said contract]

Cheers,
Marc
Owner
Montsnmags Enterprises ("While Technology Moves Forward, We've Got Your Back")

[GeoffC]

Can I have a bat-mobile, please? ....

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

Can I have a bat-mobile, please? ....

I can get you a Fiat Panda cheap?

Cheers,
Marc (I'm keeping any and all bat-mobiles of any sort for myself)

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

I can get you a Fiat Panda cheap?

Cheers,
Marc (I'm keeping any and all bat-mobiles of any sort for myself)

Sorry, I've had a Fiat Uno - and it was rubbish ....

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

Availability to Earth humanoids is currently limited to singular distribution channel contractual arrangements with Fully Converged Leader Alexander Turcic of MobileRead MultiVersal Incorporated. Correspondence with Montsnmags Enterprises outside of this channel cannot be accepted due to certain NDA clauses within said contract]

Cheers,
Marc
Owner
Montsnmags Enterprises ("While Technology Moves Forward, We've Got Your Back")

mobileread : only the best, baby !

Originally Posted by montsnmags

Cheers,
Marc (I'm keeping any and all bat-mobiles of any sort for myself)

well, except for the one you're saving for me, right ?

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

Can I have a bat-mobile, please? ....

Great Vats of Cranachan, Batman. You're not going to do battle with the Penguin again are you?

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

I can get you a Fiat Panda cheap?

Haven't we got quite enough Pandas (cheap or otherwise) around here already?

<Cut to remake of Star Trek: TOS episode "The Trouble with Tribbles" where the tribbles all fall on Captain Kirk's head. Except that these Tribbles are alive. And that they are Pandas....>

Work... Must... Get... Back... To.. Work.....

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

Great Vats of Cranachan, Batman. You're not going to do battle with the Penguin again are you?

"...much debate has ensued over which is the superior biscuit."

pfff !!!

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

Sorry, I've had a Fiat Uno - and it was rubbish ....

Oh, I'm sorry, Geoff. The offer was actually part of the application process. Acceptance would have eliminated you from consideration. Declining the offer would normally have passed you onto the next part of the screening process, but your unsolicited provision of un-asked-for information has, alas, eliminated you from further consideration - the former owner of a Fiat Uno couldn't possibly be considered for fitting-out in any bat-mobile.

I can probably get you nice, pink, Barbie and Ken campervan?

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

mobileread : only the best, baby !

Alexander said to me "Only the best and most powerful technology for my Enforcers", and from then on I knew we could do business.

well, except for the one you're saving for me, right ?

~sigh~

...Look, officially, I've only got the one Tumbler in stock which I use as my company car...and the Batpod (the one I suspect is more your cup of tea) is strictly only available to the military...but we'll chat...off-channel.

Originally Posted by LazyScot

<Cut to remake of Star Trek: TOS episode "The Trouble with Tribbles" where the tribbles all fall on Captain Kirk's head. Except that these Tribbles are alive. And that they are Pandas....>

Fiat Pandas.

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

"...much debate has ensued over which is the superior biscuit."

pfff !!!

Tina Wafers. I don't like Tim Tams.

Cheers,
Marc

[pshrynk]

And Marc is on a roll!

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

And Marc is on a roll!

well... when is he not, really ?

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

Fiat Pandas.

Is that how the Lounge was created?

Originally Posted by montsnmags

Tina Wafers.

Nonsense. Tunnocks Caramel Wafers. Or their Tea Cakes.

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

Is that how the Lounge was created?



Nonsense. Tunnocks Caramel Wafers. Or their Tea Cakes.

yeah yeah...

Geoff
(except I no longer eat them....)

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

Is that how the Lounge was created?

By fiat? Yes, quite likely.

Nonsense. Tunnocks Caramel Wafers. Or their Tea Cakes.

I should hope it's "nonsense" - to talk sense about biscuits is to be a beige-coloured, cardigan-wearing, wax-tiredly-eloquent fan of the "digestive".

Cheers,
Marc

[slayda]

I thought all pandas were fiat. It's because of the very high calorie food they eat.