Silliness A Duck, armadillo, cat, Panda etc walk into a bar! - Page 16

GeoffC · 07-24-2008, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daffy4u

A man is walking by an insane asylum at dusk when he hears a
bunch of people chanting eerily, "Thirteen. Thirteen. Thirteen."

His curiosity piqued, he finds a hole in the fence and peeks
through. Suddenly, a finger pops through and pokes his eye out.

Now the chanting changes to, "Fourteen. Fourteen. Fourteen."

Ah - the serious side to the thread has re-surfaced...

jerryleejr · 07-24-2008, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daffy4u

[I'm on a Google joke stealing roll!]

Lewis bought two horses, and could never remember which was
which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one horse
and that worked great until the other horse got his tail
caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like
the other horse's tail and Lewis was stuck again.

The neighbor suggested he notch the ear of one horse. That
worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed
wire fence. Once again Lewis couldn't tell them apart.

The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height.
When he did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse
was 2 inches taller than the black one.

Oh the it is the simple things that make us smile.
I wouldn't have admitted to google, Pawn them off as originals until proven otherwise!

daffy4u · 07-24-2008, 02:22 PM

I have to tell the truth. If I ever show up at an ereader gathering, I don't want anyone to expect me to entertain them with my comedy stylings (unless I have my laptop with me).

jerryleejr · 07-24-2008, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daffy4u

I have to tell the truth. If I ever show up at an ereader gathering, I don't want anyone to expect me to entertain them with my comedy stylings (unless I have my laptop with me).

Put them on your Kindle because lord knows you never leave home without it.

JJ

daffy4u · 07-24-2008, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerryleejr

Put them on your Kindle because lord knows you never leave home without it.

JJ

That is so true. I just hopped on my bike ride to do some errands (Post Office, Bank, Grocery Store) and I took my Kindle with me.

I opted to drop the package in the street-side mail box. The line in bank was short as was the line at the grocery store, so I didn't get to read.

desertgrandma · 07-24-2008, 04:26 PM

"13"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JneCQR-q31U

slayda · 07-24-2008, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taylor514ce

Locate a person you'd like to draw
draw a rapid sketch - be obvious about it
approach the person, introduce yourself
show your sketch
ask if they have time to sit for a more complete sketch
if they are receptive, finish your drawing
show your other sketches, including the nudes
"Would you consider posing for something like this?"
T/F branch based on response.

Et, voila!

I liked the last one better.

slayda · 07-24-2008, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daffy4u

[I'm on a Google joke stealing roll!]

Lewis bought two horses, and could never remember which was
which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one horse
and that worked great until the other horse got his tail
caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like
the other horse's tail and Lewis was stuck again.

The neighbor suggested he notch the ear of one horse. That
worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed
wire fence. Once again Lewis couldn't tell them apart.

The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height.
When he did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse
was 2 inches taller than the black one.

I have to admit that the punch line surprised. I thought he was going to find that the stallion was taller than the mare.

daffy4u · 07-24-2008, 05:00 PM

[more theft]

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Let me have a rum ..... ...... ..... ........ ....... ...... ....and coke." The bartender looks at him and says, "Why the big pause?" The bear, looking confused, holds up his paws and says, "Oh these, ah I was born with them."

daffy4u · 07-24-2008, 05:04 PM

A zen-master walks up to a hot dog stand, turns to the man selling the hot dogs and says, "Can you make me one with everything?"

RickyMaveety · 07-24-2008, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daffy4u

[more theft]

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Let me have a rum ..... ...... ..... ........ ....... ...... ....and coke." The bartender looks at him and says, "Why the big pause?" The bear, looking confused, holds up his paws and says, "Oh these, ah I was born with them."

This one I LOVE!!

desertgrandma · 07-24-2008, 06:14 PM

So that you can be in on the ground floor and make a mint..buy these stocks now!

. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:

wait for it........

TittyTittyBangBang

slayda · 07-24-2008, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertgrandma

So that you can be in on the ground floor and make a mint..buy these stocks now!

. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:

wait for it........

TittyTittyBangBang

That's two for you DG but I have to spread the karma around before I can give you more. (Same comment though.)

desertgrandma · 07-24-2008, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slayda

That's two for you DG but I have to spread the karma around before I can give you more. (Same comment though.)

Guess I'm goofy, but I'm still giggling over here.......

Patricia · 07-24-2008, 07:54 PM

This was once voted the top British joke:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson says: "I see millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes replies: "Watson, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent."

07-24-2008, 04:26 PM	#231
desertgrandma Enjoying the show.... Posts: 14,270 Karma: 10462843 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Arizona Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir	And now you can watch it.... "13" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JneCQR-q31U

07-24-2008, 06:14 PM	#237
desertgrandma Enjoying the show.... Posts: 14,270 Karma: 10462843 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Arizona Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir	Next big merger...... So that you can be in on the ground floor and make a mint..buy these stocks now! . Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name: wait for it........ TittyTittyBangBang

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07-24-2008, 02:22 PM	#228
daffy4u I'm Super Kindle-icious Posts: 6,734 Karma: 2434103 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Long Drive, Calinadia Candafornia Device: KDXG, KT, Oasis	I have to tell the truth. If I ever show up at an ereader gathering, I don't want anyone to expect me to entertain them with my comedy stylings (unless I have my laptop with me).

07-24-2008, 05:00 PM	#234
daffy4u I'm Super Kindle-icious Posts: 6,734 Karma: 2434103 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Long Drive, Calinadia Candafornia Device: KDXG, KT, Oasis	[more theft] A bear walks into a bar and says, "Let me have a rum ..... ...... ..... ........ ....... ...... ....and coke." The bartender looks at him and says, "Why the big pause?" The bear, looking confused, holds up his paws and says, "Oh these, ah I was born with them."

07-24-2008, 05:04 PM	#235
daffy4u I'm Super Kindle-icious Posts: 6,734 Karma: 2434103 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Long Drive, Calinadia Candafornia Device: KDXG, KT, Oasis	A zen-master walks up to a hot dog stand, turns to the man selling the hot dogs and says, "Can you make me one with everything?"

07-24-2008, 07:54 PM	#240
Patricia Reader Posts: 11,504 Karma: 8720163 Join Date: May 2007 Location: South Wales, UK Device: Sony PRS-500, PRS-505, Asus EEEpc 4G	This was once voted the top British joke: Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson says: "I see millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes replies: "Watson, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent."