Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 345

Lycoming · 07-18-2012, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven522

A conservationist hiking through an old-growth forest comes upon and old hermit cleaning and preparing a spotted owl for his dinner. Appalled, the conservationist explains to the hermit that the owl is considered endangered and should not be killed and eaten.

The hermit states that he has been living in solitude for many, many years and was unaware of the situation. He agrees to no longer kill and eat the owls.

Curious, the conservationist inquires about the taste of the owl.

"Oh," replies the hermit. "It's about halfway between an ivory billed woodpecker and a California condor."

I'm with the hermit, it's just like chicken.

steven522 · 07-18-2012, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daithi

Bob, Bobby, Bobbie, Rob, Robert, Roberto, Roberta...

Technically you're not spelling "BOB". You're giving "nickname" variations on the base name Robert.

steven522 · 07-18-2012, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

I'm with the hermit, it's just like chicken.

How did the first person to eat a chicken describe its taste?

HomeInMyShoes · 07-18-2012, 12:40 PM

^It tastes like everything I've had before.

WT Sharpe · 07-18-2012, 12:40 PM

BOb.

Lycoming · 07-18-2012, 02:08 PM

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...

No wait...Sorry.

I'm thinking of whisky. It's whisky that does all that.

Daithi · 07-18-2012, 02:23 PM

At the beginning of time, God created Adam. Then God noticed that Adam was lonely, so God said to Adam, "I am going to create a companion for you Adam. She will be your best friend. She will never stand you up and never let you down. She will reassure you when you feel insecure and comfort you after a bad day. She will inspire you to do things you never thought you could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable you to express your deepest emotions and give in to your most intimate desires. She will make sure you always feel as though you're the most handsome man in the room and will enable you to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible man possible. However, the price you must pay for this companion is your penis."

Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Fbone · 07-18-2012, 04:33 PM

The teenage daughter, Cathy, had just been given family car privileges. One Friday night she returned home from a party late. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.
At 11:30 AM Cathy sleepily walked into the kitchen to face the question "What time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad."
"Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

yvanleterrible · 07-18-2012, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven522

How did the first person to eat a chicken describe its taste?

Tastes like old eggs.

yvanleterrible · 07-18-2012, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

BOb.

To aPple it's bOb...

pshrynk · 07-18-2012, 06:44 PM

If you really want to find out who is Man's Best Friend, lock your wife and your dog in the trunk for an hour and see which one is happy to see you when you return.

Kumabjorn · 07-19-2012, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

To aPple it's bOb...

I thought we were discussing Microsoft Bob.

Format C: · 07-19-2012, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bookpossum

I don't wish to be a party pooper, but I feel we are getting a bit close to the bone with some of the references to race, nationality, religious practice etc. This is a website for people from round the world and some of these recent items could be hurtful or offensive to some members.

I hope not too many lightbulbs read this forum...

yvanleterrible · 07-19-2012, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kumabjorn

I thought we were discussing Microsoft Bob.

That would be Boob.

steven522 · 07-19-2012, 09:33 AM

Jeff Foxworthy takes the stage at the Endor Imperial garrison and launches into his act...

"If you've ever had the ghost of a dead Jedi inform you that the love of your life was your sister and you thought about not actually telling anybody just so you could keep dating her ... you might be a redneck."

At this point some of the officers wonder why Darth Vader gets up and quietly leaves the show.

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07-18-2012, 12:40 PM	#5164
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	^It tastes like everything I've had before.

07-18-2012, 12:40 PM	#5165
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	BOb.

07-18-2012, 02:08 PM	#5166
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible... No wait...Sorry. I'm thinking of whisky. It's whisky that does all that.

07-18-2012, 02:23 PM	#5167
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	At the beginning of time, God created Adam. Then God noticed that Adam was lonely, so God said to Adam, "I am going to create a companion for you Adam. She will be your best friend. She will never stand you up and never let you down. She will reassure you when you feel insecure and comfort you after a bad day. She will inspire you to do things you never thought you could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable you to express your deepest emotions and give in to your most intimate desires. She will make sure you always feel as though you're the most handsome man in the room and will enable you to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible man possible. However, the price you must pay for this companion is your penis." Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

07-18-2012, 04:33 PM	#5168
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The teenage daughter, Cathy, had just been given family car privileges. One Friday night she returned home from a party late. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM Cathy sleepily walked into the kitchen to face the question "What time did you get in last night?" "Not too late, Dad." "Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

07-18-2012, 06:44 PM	#5171
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	If you really want to find out who is Man's Best Friend, lock your wife and your dog in the trunk for an hour and see which one is happy to see you when you return.

07-19-2012, 09:33 AM	#5175
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	Jeff Foxworthy takes the stage at the Endor Imperial garrison and launches into his act... "If you've ever had the ghost of a dead Jedi inform you that the love of your life was your sister and you thought about not actually telling anybody just so you could keep dating her ... you might be a redneck." At this point some of the officers wonder why Darth Vader gets up and quietly leaves the show.