Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 325

wodin · 04-18-2012, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

What if, at this very moment, you are living up to your full potential?

I'd be in a world of trouble!

Fbone · 04-18-2012, 04:04 PM

What is a zebra?

26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

cromag · 04-18-2012, 06:09 PM

I transfer LPs (and a few 45s and 78s) to digital and have some software that will clean them up. It doesn't work miracles, but a clean LP comes out sounding very, very good. So, I've been haunting used record shops and thrift stores. I probably have collected several hundred over the past few years. I *THINK* you can use Audacity (free software) to "speed correct" the 16 RPMs.

And, just to keep this at least partially on topic, just let me say that all of this information is ...

Off the record.

orlok · 04-18-2012, 06:12 PM

The wife just said, "Your obsession with cats is totally out of control, so I've packed your bags."

I think she's kicking meeeowt.

odiakkoh · 04-18-2012, 10:32 PM

I don't actually own any records of my own but my MIL has let me "borrow" her records for the past couple years.

Daithi · 04-18-2012, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

The wife just said, "Your obsession with cats is totally out of control, so I've packed your bags."

I think she's kicking meeeowt.

purrrrceptive

mores · 04-19-2012, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

[...]
"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

This joke had me laughing even before the punch line. I think it must be because of the constant use of world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make

Stitchawl · 04-19-2012, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mores

This joke had me laughing even before the punch line. I think it must be because of the constant use of world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make

To be honest, I thought the sound was going to be something like:

"Muffy, please pass the Champers and isn't the paté simply divine! Say, when are we doing Monaco this year?"

Stitchawl

orlok · 04-19-2012, 04:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

To be honest, I thought the sound was going to be something like:

"Muffy, please pass the Champers and isn't the paté simply divine! Say, when are we doing Monaco this year?"

Stitchawl

Very good

. Hadn't occurred to me.

Format C: · 04-19-2012, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cromag

I transfer LPs (and a few 45s and 78s) to digital and have some software that will clean them up. It doesn't work miracles, but a clean LP comes out sounding very, very good. So, I've been haunting used record shops and thrift stores. I probably have collected several hundred over the past few years. I *THINK* you can use Audacity (free software) to "speed correct" the 16 RPMs.

And, just to keep this at least partially on topic, just let me say that all of this information is ...

Off the record.

In the late 90s an east european student sarted a project to acquire records with a flatbed scanner and get music out of them analyzing with a graphical software (Image Magik, IIRC) the image of the record.
The last version of the tool I heard of was actually capable of getting a monaural .wav file out of a 45 rpm record...

I haven't heard from him since '99...

pdurrant · 04-19-2012, 08:40 AM

Spoiler:

Fbone · 04-19-2012, 05:41 PM

What is in an empty box?

Your curiosity.

What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon.

Ajax · 04-19-2012, 07:15 PM

A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"

The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."

"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."

The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."

The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."

"I am. But the steaks are too high."

Ajax · 04-19-2012, 07:22 PM

Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches, whips out a gun, and demands their money.

The guys both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin to take out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.

"Hey, here's that twenty I owe you..."

orlok · 04-20-2012, 12:04 PM

My girlfriend was enjoying her bath when she opened her eyes to see me standing over her.

"Tony," she said, "please pull the plug out for me, will you?"

"No!" I replied.

"Come on," she said, "don't be so silly, just pull the plug out."

"No," I said again.

"Well at least put the toaster down then," she said.

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04-18-2012, 04:04 PM	#4862
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

04-18-2012, 06:09 PM	#4863
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 26,409 Karma: 459765791 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	I transfer LPs (and a few 45s and 78s) to digital and have some software that will clean them up. It doesn't work miracles, but a clean LP comes out sounding very, very good. So, I've been haunting used record shops and thrift stores. I probably have collected several hundred over the past few years. I THINK you can use Audacity (free software) to "speed correct" the 16 RPMs. And, just to keep this at least partially on topic, just let me say that all of this information is ... Off the record.

04-18-2012, 06:12 PM	#4864
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	The wife just said, "Your obsession with cats is totally out of control, so I've packed your bags." I think she's kicking meeeowt.

04-18-2012, 10:32 PM	#4865
odiakkoh Guru Posts: 823 Karma: 1818344 Join Date: Apr 2011 Device: iPhone 5s	I don't actually own any records of my own but my MIL has let me "borrow" her records for the past couple years.

04-19-2012, 05:41 PM	#4872
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	What is in an empty box? Your curiosity. What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.

04-19-2012, 07:15 PM	#4873
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet." The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man." "I am. But the steaks are too high."

04-19-2012, 07:22 PM	#4874
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches, whips out a gun, and demands their money. The guys both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin to take out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty I owe you..."

04-20-2012, 12:04 PM	#4875
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	My girlfriend was enjoying her bath when she opened her eyes to see me standing over her. "Tony," she said, "please pull the plug out for me, will you?" "No!" I replied. "Come on," she said, "don't be so silly, just pull the plug out." "No," I said again. "Well at least put the toaster down then," she said.