Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 324

Stitchawl · 04-17-2012, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

It is a well know fact that all married women have settled and all married men are lucky.

BOb

Just ask my wife!

Stitchawl

Stitchawl · 04-18-2012, 01:59 AM

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
...
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
----------------

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'
----------------

Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North "

Stitchawl

Fbone · 04-18-2012, 02:56 AM

What if, at this very moment, you are living up to your full potential?

orlok · 04-18-2012, 07:24 AM

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local town. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye: "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."

"I'm very sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth again, I can play you have another track."

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.

Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could hear another track."

Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."

"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,
.
.
.

"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

silvan4now · 04-18-2012, 08:13 AM

)))
very good the last one especially

Stitchawl · 04-18-2012, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,
.
.
.

"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

Stitchawl

red_phoenix · 04-18-2012, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,
.
.
.

"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

PeterT · 04-18-2012, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,
.
.
.

"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

NOOOO

I am ashamed to say I did not see that coming !

WT Sharpe · 04-18-2012, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

You do realize, don't you, that the youngsters aren't going to get that joke!

orlok · 04-18-2012, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

You do realize, don't you, that the youngsters aren't going to get that joke!

Too true. Maybe an explanation is in order.

odiakkoh · 04-18-2012, 10:49 AM

This 25yr old got it. Or am I not considered young anymore? *gets out walker and dentures*

WT Sharpe · 04-18-2012, 11:09 AM

Some people are born old.

For the record (if you'll forgive the pun), how many records do you own? I still have a collection of 33⅓ rpms, a few 45s, a couple of 78s, and even a boxed set of 16 rpms. There are a few players made that will still play 78s, but I can no longer find a player for the 16 rpm records.

orlok · 04-18-2012, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Some people are born old.

For the record (if you'll forgive the pun), how many records do you own? I still have a collection of 33⅓ rpms, a few 45s, a couple of 78s, and even a boxed set of 16 rpms. There are a few players made that will still play 78s, but I can no longer find a player for the 16 rpm records.

I've still got one box of LPs in the attic - pehaps 30 or so - but they never see the light of day any more. I don't even have a working record player

.

WT Sharpe · 04-18-2012, 11:24 AM

I don't either, but I keep saying that I'm going to buy one and transfer all my records to a digital format. Maybe tomorrow, I'll do that. Of course, I've been saying that for 20 years.

PeterT · 04-18-2012, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I don't either, but I keep saying that I'm going to buy one and transfer all my records to a digital format. Maybe tomorrow, I'll do that. Of course, I've been saying that for 20 years.

This might be of interest --> http://www.computerworld.com/s/artic...rt_LPs_to_MP3s (sure it's a few years old but ...)

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04-18-2012, 01:59 AM	#4847
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. ... The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither." ---------------- The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' ---------------- Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North " Stitchawl

04-18-2012, 02:56 AM	#4848
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	What if, at this very moment, you are living up to your full potential?

04-18-2012, 07:24 AM	#4849
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local town. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye: "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now" Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window." "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you." The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those." "I'm very sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth again, I can play you have another track." The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!" "I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could hear another track." Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP." "I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant, . . . "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

04-18-2012, 08:13 AM	#4850
silvan4now Groupie Posts: 173 Karma: 224260 Join Date: Oct 2011 Device: none	))) very good the last one especially

04-18-2012, 10:49 AM	#4856
odiakkoh Guru Posts: 823 Karma: 1818344 Join Date: Apr 2011 Device: iPhone 5s	This 25yr old got it. Or am I not considered young anymore? gets out walker and dentures

04-18-2012, 11:09 AM	#4857
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Some people are born old. For the record (if you'll forgive the pun), how many records do you own? I still have a collection of 33⅓ rpms, a few 45s, a couple of 78s, and even a boxed set of 16 rpms. There are a few players made that will still play 78s, but I can no longer find a player for the 16 rpm records.

04-18-2012, 11:24 AM	#4859
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	I don't either, but I keep saying that I'm going to buy one and transfer all my records to a digital format. Maybe tomorrow, I'll do that. Of course, I've been saying that for 20 years.