Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 314

red_phoenix · 03-28-2012, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally got home Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife, and was barraged for 2 hours.

Finally, his wife stopped nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for 2 or 3 days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by, & he didn't see his wife, Tuesday & Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Fbone · 03-28-2012, 09:42 PM

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy driving taxis or cutting hair.

wannabee · 03-28-2012, 10:23 PM

Mum, I hate my brother's guts. Shutup son and keep eating.

Stitchawl · 03-29-2012, 04:13 AM

The 5 most famous Jews, who had a decisive role in the development of Western civilization:

1. Moses, who said law is everything

2.Jesus, who said love is everything

3.Marx, who said capital is everything

4.Freud ,who said sex is everything

5.Einstein ,who said everything is relative

Stitchawl

Bookpossum · 03-29-2012, 08:10 AM

Just heard this one on Stephen Fry's Planet Word in a discussion about Yiddish humour:

A young aspiring actor had gone out for an audition. He came home triumphant and said to his mother "They gave me a part!"

"What part did they give you?" she asked.

"I'm playing the husband," he replied.

"Well you go back there and tell them you want a speaking part!"

Stitchawl · 03-29-2012, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bookpossum

Just heard this one on Stephen Fry's Planet Word in a discussion about Yiddish humour:
A young aspiring actor had gone out for an audition. He came home triumphant and said to his mother "They gave me a part!"
"What part did they give you?" she asked.
"I'm playing the husband," he replied.
"Well you go back there and tell them you want a speaking part!"

Why do you think they call it the "Mother Tongue?"
You never do hear about a 'Father Tongue,' right?

Stitchawl

orlok · 03-29-2012, 08:58 AM

Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients... and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go......"

But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "But Bob, you're a vet..."

benham · 03-29-2012, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Why do you think they call it the "Mother Tongue?"
You never do hear about a 'Father Tongue,' right?

Stitchawl

The woman has the last word in every argument. Anything the man says after that is the start of another argument.

Fbone · 03-29-2012, 06:17 PM

Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.

Bookpossum · 03-29-2012, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by benham

The woman has the last word in every argument. Anything the man says after that is the start of another argument.

But naturally!

If a man says something and his wife isn't there to hear it, is he still wrong?

(All women say instantly "Yes, of course!")

issybird · 03-29-2012, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wannabee

Mum, I hate my brother's guts. Shutup son and keep eating.

"Mommy, Mommy, what's a vampire?" "Shut up and eat your soup before it clots."

Fbone · 03-30-2012, 09:02 PM

Together we can lick pornography.

pilotbob · 03-30-2012, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Together we can lick pornography.

Your plan sounds fishy.

BOb

Daithi · 03-30-2012, 10:32 PM

A cannibal comes home late for dinner one evening and his wife gives him the cold shoulder.

So, anyone getting fed up with the cannibal jokes?

Stitchawl · 03-30-2012, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daithi

A cannibal comes home late for dinner one evening and his wife gives him the cold shoulder.

So, anyone getting fed up with the cannibal jokes?

Yes, and everyone else's already eaten...

Stitchawl

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03-28-2012, 09:42 PM	#4697
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy driving taxis or cutting hair.

03-28-2012, 10:23 PM	#4698
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,382 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	Mum, I hate my brother's guts. Shutup son and keep eating.

03-29-2012, 04:13 AM	#4699
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	The 5 most famous Jews, who had a decisive role in the development of Western civilization: 1. Moses, who said law is everything 2.Jesus, who said love is everything 3.Marx, who said capital is everything 4.Freud ,who said sex is everything 5.Einstein ,who said everything is relative Stitchawl

03-29-2012, 08:10 AM	#4700
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Just heard this one on Stephen Fry's Planet Word in a discussion about Yiddish humour: A young aspiring actor had gone out for an audition. He came home triumphant and said to his mother "They gave me a part!" "What part did they give you?" she asked. "I'm playing the husband," he replied. "Well you go back there and tell them you want a speaking part!"

03-29-2012, 08:58 AM	#4702
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients... and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go......" But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "But Bob, you're a vet..."

03-29-2012, 06:17 PM	#4704
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.

03-30-2012, 09:02 PM	#4707
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Together we can lick pornography.

03-30-2012, 10:32 PM	#4709
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	A cannibal comes home late for dinner one evening and his wife gives him the cold shoulder. So, anyone getting fed up with the cannibal jokes?