Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[MJK2111]

Originally Posted by Fbone

Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married. Every month the centerfold is the same woman, who has the same headache.

There. I fixed that for you.

[orlok]

A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger?"

"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: "I just paid $6000 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"So, then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So, then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

[Fbone]

Practice safe eating. Always use condiments.

[Stitchawl]

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one
carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife
asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs.."

(You might have to read this twice...)


Stitchawl

[Falcao]

This is best said than written:

Yesterday, Somebody, and Nobody built a house.
Somebody got out the house through the window and Nobody through the door.
Who is left inside the house?
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Yesterday!!!

[Daithi]

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that's when the fight started...

[Fbone]

Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.

[Stitchawl]

Stitchawl

[orlok]

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city's stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy".

He bought the picture, but on the way home remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn't much like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

The man's many trips to the barn began to draw Lizzy's suspicion. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly b*tch he's runnin' around with".

[Stitchawl]

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes, I am. But let me ask you
something.
"If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was
Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was
German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did
you ask me if I'm Polish?"



The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."



Stitchawl

[Daithi]

Originally Posted by orlok

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city's stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy".

He bought the picture, but on the way home remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn't much like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

The man's many trips to the barn began to draw Lizzy's suspicion. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly b*tch he's runnin' around with".

This reminded me of one.


A family that had been raised in the backwoods of North Carolina, and never been to the big city, decided to go to the "Mall" in Charlotte. So, they drove the old pickup to the mall, and the father and son went off one way, while the mother and daughter went another.

It wasn't long before the father and son came upon an elevator, and watched an old women enter, the door close, some lights above the door flashed, and then the door open again -- and out emerge an attractive young women in her twenties.

The son turned to his dad and said, "Pa, what is that machine?"

His dad replied, "I don't rightly know son, but go get your ma."

[Fbone]

Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.

[wodin]

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one
carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife
asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs.."

(You might have to read this twice...)


Stitchawl

I read it twice, and it's still perfectly logical!

[Fbone]

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

[orlok]

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.