User Poetry - Page 11

Taylor514ce · 05-20-2008, 11:15 PM

Ciggies, whiskey (with a 'e'), some unidentifiable bits from his, uhhh... pocket? And a Pepsi. The most depressing part of this exquisite photo is the Pepsi, I think. I never did care for "product placement".

montsnmags · 05-21-2008, 04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taylor514ce

... I never did care for "product placement".

I nearly mentioned the can in the title of the cinquain, but decided against it for that exact reason.

Also, aside from "Stormy weather", I kept humming to myself with the words-in-my-head "If you can't be with the clone you love, love the clone you're with".

A beach cinquain...

To not wax lyrical...

Her suit -
bikini cut,
a tidy pink affair -
reveals some nether parts are still
hirsute

Cheers,
Marc

GeoffC · 05-21-2008, 04:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by montsnmags

I nearly mentioned the can in the title of the cinquain, but decided against it for that exact reason.

Also, aside from "Stormy weather", I kept humming to myself with the words-in-my-head "If you can't be with the clone you love, love the clone you're with".

A beach cinquain...

To not wax lyrical...

Her suit -
bikini cut,
a tidy pink affair -
reveals some nether parts are still
hirsute

Cheers,
Marc

Hypnotically fixated by your avatar....

pshrynk · 05-21-2008, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

don't worry about that ; we're taking up a collection to get you a new one. it might be genetically-engineered from squirrels. so far i think we've got something like 5.37$, plus a gum wrapper and something else, i can't remember... i'l have to ask the treasurer.

There was also a fortune cookie fortune, but it said, "Spleens are fragile."

zelda_pinwheel · 05-21-2008, 08:49 AM

...in bed.

Taylor514ce · 05-21-2008, 06:18 PM

Now what?
Now that we've each
said that sad, fateful word --
all we can hear now are fading
echoes.

Taylor514ce · 05-21-2008, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by montsnmags

To not wax lyrical...

Her suit -
bikini cut,
a tidy pink affair -
reveals some nether parts are still
hirsute

To wax, or not to wax, that is the question.

zelda_pinwheel · 05-21-2008, 07:56 PM

porteur
et voltigeuse
ils s'enlacent, se séparent
toute une histoire dans leur ballet
de gestes.

sorry, i wanted to write it in english, but i don't know those words

it's about circus acrobats.

montsnmags · 05-21-2008, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

porteur
et voltigeuse
ils s'enlacent, se séparent
toute une histoire dans leur ballet
de gestes.

sorry, i wanted to write it in english, but i don't know those words

it's about circus acrobats.

I'll translate...

Wheeeee!
Catch me, baby!
Whoops, mum, no hands,
ARRRGGGHH! [boioioioinggg!]

Okay, maybe I'll let someone else translate.

Cheers,
Marc ("...without a net")

zelda_pinwheel · 05-21-2008, 08:08 PM

that might be the sequel...

montsnmags · 05-21-2008, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

that might be the sequel...

Okay, okay...

Going for something reasonably literal (that is, with a fish in my ear - more just words than poetry), I would say...

Catcher
and flyer
intertwine and separate
a whole history in their ballet
gestures

Cheers,
Marc

zelda_pinwheel · 05-21-2008, 08:22 PM

are they called catcher and flyer ? those are the words i didn't know, and i couldn't find good equivalents in the dictionary... yours seems like a good translation, with just one or two changes :

Catcher
and flyer
intertwine, separate
a whole story in their ballet
of motion.

but the last line is still not quite right. it's not an easy poem in english.

Taylor514ce · 05-21-2008, 08:26 PM

My attempt:

2. leaper
4. and her catcher
6. interlace, separate --
8. their gestures a history, a
2. ballet

Not literal, but going after more of the flavor and trying to keep it a cinquain.

zelda_pinwheel · 05-21-2008, 08:29 PM

i like all three versions together.

zelda_pinwheel · 05-21-2008, 08:34 PM

we should try more poèmes à six mains.

05-21-2008, 08:49 AM	#155
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	...in bed. Last edited by zelda_pinwheel; 05-21-2008 at 08:51 AM.

05-21-2008, 06:18 PM	#156
Taylor514ce Actively passive. Posts: 2,042 Karma: 478376 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: US Device: Sony PRS-505/LC	Now What Now what? Now that we've each said that sad, fateful word -- all we can hear now are fading echoes. Last edited by Taylor514ce; 05-21-2008 at 06:30 PM.

05-21-2008, 08:26 PM	#163
Taylor514ce Actively passive. Posts: 2,042 Karma: 478376 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: US Device: Sony PRS-505/LC	My attempt: 2. leaper 4. and her catcher 6. interlace, separate -- 8. their gestures a history, a 2. ballet Not literal, but going after more of the flavor and trying to keep it a cinquain. Last edited by Taylor514ce; 05-21-2008 at 08:28 PM.

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05-20-2008, 11:15 PM	#151
Taylor514ce Actively passive. Posts: 2,042 Karma: 478376 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: US Device: Sony PRS-505/LC	Ciggies, whiskey (with a 'e'), some unidentifiable bits from his, uhhh... pocket? And a Pepsi. The most depressing part of this exquisite photo is the Pepsi, I think. I never did care for "product placement".

05-21-2008, 07:56 PM	#158
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	porteur et voltigeuse ils s'enlacent, se séparent toute une histoire dans leur ballet de gestes. sorry, i wanted to write it in english, but i don't know those words it's about circus acrobats.

05-21-2008, 08:08 PM	#160
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	that might be the sequel...

05-21-2008, 08:22 PM	#162
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	are they called catcher and flyer ? those are the words i didn't know, and i couldn't find good equivalents in the dictionary... yours seems like a good translation, with just one or two changes : Catcher and flyer intertwine, separate a whole story in their ballet of motion. but the last line is still not quite right. it's not an easy poem in english.

05-21-2008, 08:29 PM	#164
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	i like all three versions together.

05-21-2008, 08:34 PM	#165
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	we should try more poèmes à six mains.