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Old 12-05-2011, 03:06 PM   #4216
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:19 PM   #4217
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Old 12-06-2011, 08:52 AM   #4218
WT Sharpe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
Why we have a little Angel sitting on top of the Tree... a true story.

Spoiler:
It had been a totally miserable December at the North Pole, the elves had been on strike, Santa had the flu, Mrs.Clause was at her wits end, there were only three days till X-mas Eve and only half the orders from all the good little boys and girls had been filled. In short; it was doubtful that Santa was going to be able to make his annual flight around the world. Stress.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. More stress. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. Still more stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. Now not only stressed out, but getting really angry too...

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Santa was ready to explode. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?

The end.



Stitchawl
Poor Santa. I guess he was suffering from low-elf esteem.
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Old 12-06-2011, 09:12 AM   #4219
Stitchawl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WT Sharpe View Post
Poor Santa. I guess he was suffering from low-elf esteem.
Minus 10 for punning...


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Old 12-06-2011, 02:46 PM   #4220
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Old 12-06-2011, 05:50 PM   #4221
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Poor Santa. I guess he was suffering from low-elf esteem.
Plus 10 points for being pun-ny
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Old 12-06-2011, 07:52 PM   #4222
Daithi
Publishers are evil!
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Originally Posted by WT Sharpe View Post
Poor Santa. I guess he was suffering from low-elf esteem.
Use a pun go to jail.
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Old 12-06-2011, 09:06 PM   #4223
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Spoiler:
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick SOB!


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Old 12-07-2011, 02:18 AM   #4224
amward
Wizard
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
Spoiler:
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick SOB!


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Old 12-07-2011, 06:10 AM   #4225
astra
The Introvert
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
Spoiler:
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick SOB!


Stitchawl
Oh my, you si.....
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Old 12-07-2011, 07:15 AM   #4226
wannabee
Media Bloke
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
Spoiler:
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick SOB!


Stitchawl
I don't get it......
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Old 12-07-2011, 08:06 AM   #4227
silvan4now
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Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette.
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Old 12-07-2011, 08:21 AM   #4228
astra
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Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette.
And drown in the river because you don't have a boat anymore

P.S. They say that smocking is harmful for your health go figure...
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Old 12-07-2011, 09:15 AM   #4229
Stitchawl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silvan4now View Post
Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette.
Quote:
Originally Posted by astra View Post
And drown in the river because you don't have a boat anymore

P.S. They say that smocking is harmful for your health go figure...


But what about the elevator operator?



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Old 12-07-2011, 09:24 AM   #4230
HomeInMyShoes
Grand Sorcerer
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But what about the elevator operator?

Stitchawl
Oh, they have their ups and downs.
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