Wording help requested :) - Page 2

HarryT · 11-15-2011, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VydorScope

Yea, thats what editors are for

hehe

Vincent, you really need to learn how to use apostrophes correctly if you're going to write. You miss them out where they're needed, and add them where they're not!

ekster · 11-15-2011, 01:05 PM

I'm a bit of a minimalist, but maybe this will help.

"Poor kid. He got himself a job to make a polished public figure out of an old crusty pilot that had a bad habit of speaking his mind."

VydorScope · 11-15-2011, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScalyFreak

Since I'm a nit-picker, I want it to say "make a polished public figure out of him?". Active, not passive.

In my head it flows better that way, take and make instead of take and making.

I hear lots of ppl attack the passive voice, and I realize that in some places it just not work as well... but I have never understood the blanket rule of "never use" that I have heard some speak.

Make might work better here though because if you cut up the sentence...

The poor kid was just trying to [do his job...] / [ make a polished...]

Hmmm.

ScalyFreak · 11-15-2011, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VydorScope

I hear lots of ppl attack the passive voice, and I realize that in some places it just not work as well... but I have never understood the blanket rule of "never use" that I have heard some speak.

I'm not saying a writer should never use it. They both have their use, and they both fill a function. What I'm saying is you shouldn't switch from one to the other in the middle of a sentence.

Though I admit that I prefer active, because it suits me and how I write better. I like my characters to be proactive, not reactive to whatever I/fate tosses their way.

HarryT · 11-15-2011, 02:14 PM

As a scientist by training, I have a bad habit of writing far too much in the passive, since it's the way I had to write professionally for many years.

Just4kix · 11-20-2011, 09:17 AM

"I really felt bad for him. His job was to take a crusty flight jock and make him a shiny clean public figure. "

Bill was aware of the young man hovering anxiously at his elbow. Poor sod, he's only doing his job. It can't be easy trying to turn a crusty old flight jock into JFK.

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11-15-2011, 01:05 PM	#17
ekster Currently without a title Posts: 203 Karma: 3209914 Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Canada, Qc Device: Kobo Touch	I'm a bit of a minimalist, but maybe this will help. "Poor kid. He got himself a job to make a polished public figure out of an old crusty pilot that had a bad habit of speaking his mind."

11-15-2011, 02:14 PM	#20
HarryT eBook Enthusiast Posts: 85,544 Karma: 93383099 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis 2, iPad Pro 10.5", iPhone 6	As a scientist by training, I have a bad habit of writing far too much in the passive, since it's the way I had to write professionally for many years.

11-20-2011, 09:17 AM	#21
Just4kix Zealot Posts: 135 Karma: 365040 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Durban South Africa Device: none	"I really felt bad for him. His job was to take a crusty flight jock and make him a shiny clean public figure. " Bill was aware of the young man hovering anxiously at his elbow. Poor sod, he's only doing his job. It can't be easy trying to turn a crusty old flight jock into JFK.