User Poetry

[zelda_pinwheel]

ha Patricia, that is brilliant. bravo.

i like your new one as well taylor... almost makes me wish i had a driver's licence.

[Taylor514ce]

I agree, that'd probably be accepted as a senryu in Frogpond or Modern Haiku.

[montsnmags]

If I stroke your fur
and press a forehead to yours
like I always do,
there's no wonder when my tears
fall warm onto your cold face.

[Edit: replacing "the" with "my" in L4...not that it matters)

[Taylor514ce]

Yes, but it could be you're just squeezing too tightly.

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by Taylor514ce

Yes, but it could be you're just squeezing too tightly.

"Swing and a miss", as they say (by which I mean by me - I'm well aware of writer-responsibility).

Cheers,
Marc (now dreadfully depressed...I think I'll go spoil some threads...)

[Taylor514ce]

Never assume that. I've posted absolutely brilliant stuff here that gets no reply at all. Brilliant, I say. You never write, you never karma... I think I'll go sulk in my squirrel fortress of solitude. It's made out of pine needles and acorn shells.

[zelda_pinwheel]

aw, i thought it was quite touching.

[Taylor514ce]

Hmmm, in a digression from squirrel-ku, we now have tech-ku, computer-related haiku:

cosmic rays --
celestial dice rolls
through my system

[Patricia]

Yesterday's poem was the first that I have attempted for decades. Here's another (but I don't think it's as good: though it is a computer-related haiku aand has a seasonal reference, plus a refererence to the transience of things):

I see the azure void.
Not cloudless summer sky:
The blue screen of death.

[Taylor514ce]

Maybe instead of tech-ku, which should call these hai-tech? Har.

Not bad atall, Patricia. If I were your editor, I'd suggest tightening up just a bit, something like:

my far-off gaze
into the azure void:
blue screen of death

[zelda_pinwheel]

that's a really depressing one patricia. i hope it's not drawn from recent experience. i'm sending you a virtual pat on the back of consolation. i've been there.

(hai-tech... pfff... )

[Patricia]

So the 5-7-5 rule doesn't have to be strictly applied? Eek. I don't think I can write without rules.

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by Patricia

So the 5-7-5 rule doesn't have to be strictly applied? Eek. I don't think I can write without rules.

(cue taylor's empassioned and highly detailed explanation of the concepts behind japanese poetry forms and how syllables are immaterial in japanese, "it's all about the turn"...)

[mjh215]

Was going to ask if we were going by "on's" or syllables. In either case I'm probably squirreled but still...

(Not user) Taylor, http://media.www.ndsmcobserver.com/m...s-928179.shtml

-MJ

[Taylor514ce]

The 5-7-5 "rule" doesn't even exist in Japanese. Japanese isn't syllabic. The "rule" was an artifact of very early attempts to Westernize Japanese poetry, and has been ignored for decades among modern haiku poets. Instead, think of "breaths". 2 or 3 breaths, no more, to utter aloud a haiku. Bare minimum of articles. Imagery. I could pare my "version" of yours down even further:

far-off gaze
into azure void --
blue screen of death

Even the three line convention is just that, a convention, one that isn't adhered to strictly these days either, and the above could just as easily be written:

far off gaze into azure void -- blue screen of death

There is even an extreme form of "haiku", called minimals, that crams several words together, cleverly combining letters. One of mine:

gooseasonorouskies

Can you see the haiku hidden in that?

P.S. Zelda, mon canard... you know me so well, all my inhalations are your exhalations.