Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[wannabee]

Originally Posted by pdurrant

I confess I do sometimes suffer from literalism.

E.g. a sign near a sink: "Caution: Hot Water Burns". Umm... no, not unless it's got hydrocarbons in it!

Or the sign at the lookout that reads "Falling Rocks Do Not Stop" I reckon they would after bouncing off your car.

[Falcao]

Originally Posted by maianhvk

Yes, the original joke has "Pope died" twice, so I googled to check and replaced it with "was assassinated".

Then the correct word is "shot", not "assassinated."

Now, back in business.

I don't live in Arizona, just south of the border, but the weather is pretty much the same...

You know you're from Arizona when...

1. You buy salsa by the quart.
2. Your Christmas decorations include a half a yard of sand and 100 paper bags.
3. You wish you bought stock in the orange barrel business.
4. All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
5. You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
6. Most of the restaurants in your town have the first name "El" or "Los."
7. You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
8. You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't remember the name of the incumbent.
9. You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
10. You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.
11. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
12. You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
13. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
14. You can say "115 degrees" without fainting.
15. You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour to where it will be over 100 degrees.
16. Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
17. People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.
18. You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
19. The pool can be warmer than you are.
20. You can make sun tea instantly.
21. You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
22. Most people will not drink tap water unless they are in dire condition.
23. People with black cars, or have black upholstery in their car, are automatically assumed to be insane or from out-of-state.
24. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
25. Monday Night Football starts at 7:00 p.m. instead of 9:00 p.m.
26. You know that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
27. You can finish a 44-oz. Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for more.
28. Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
29. You can correctly pronounce the words "Saguaro", "Tempe", "Gila Bend", "San Xavier", "Cañon de Chelly", "Mogollón Rim", "La Cholla," and "Ajo."
30. It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
31. You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
32. Some fool can market Mini-Misters for joggers and some other fool will actually buy them.
33. Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
34. No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.

[odiakkoh]

Why did the rooster cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

:P

[maianhvk]

Originally Posted by Falcao

Then the correct word is "shot", not "assassinated."

thanks

[maianhvk]

If plan A didn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters! Stay cool!

[DoctorOhh]

What's invisible and smells like worms?

Spoiler:

Bird Farts

[Shayne Parkinson]

Originally Posted by pdurrant

I confess I do sometimes suffer from literalism.

E.g. a sign near a sink: "Caution: Hot Water Burns". Umm... no, not unless it's got hydrocarbons in it!

When we lived in England I always felt guilty riding on escalators that had signs saying, "Dogs Must Be Carried On the Escalators". Because I didn't have a dog.

[Stitchawl]

What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?
If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother," he will ask "Why do you say that?" while a psychologist will say "Thank you for sharing that with us."


Stitchawl

[orlok]

Originally Posted by Shayne Parkinson

When we lived in England I always felt guilty riding on escalators that had signs saying, "Dogs Must Be Carried On the Escalators". Because I didn't have a dog.

Q. What's pink and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff

Q. What's blue and fluffy?

Spoiler:

A. Pink fluff holding it's breath

[poohbear_nc]

For H2G2 fans with Kindles:

[Fbone]

I had a fight with the wife and didn't see her for three days... Then the swelling went down and I could see her out of one eye.

[Stitchawl]

Stitchawl

[Bilbo1967]

Originally Posted by Falcao

Then the correct word is "shot", not "assassinated."

Now, back in business.

I don't live in Arizona, just south of the border, but the weather is pretty much the same...

You know you're from Arizona when...

2. Your Christmas decorations include a half a yard of sand and 100 paper bags.

It's probably because I'm a Brit and ignorant of American ways, but can you explain that one. It's bugging me.

[DoctorOhh]

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

It's probably because I'm a Brit and ignorant of American ways, but can you explain that one. It's bugging me.

Luminaria.

Even here in North Carolina we have the Festival of Lights for one night in Early to mid December with the entire campus lit up.

[Bilbo1967]

Originally Posted by dwanthny

Luminaria.

Even here in North Carolina we have the Festival of Lights for one night in Early to mid December with the entire campus lit up.

Ah!

Thank you!