Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[Fbone]

I am sorry I offended you - I should have lied.

[pdurrant]

Norfolk and Good
Lyrics by The Kipper Family

In praise of our county we're going to sing
Against this fine place we will not hear a thing.
If you speak ill about it, you speak a falsehood
For our native county is Norfolk and good.

(Chorus)
Norfolk and good, Norfolk and good
We are the boys who are Norfolk and good.

Now Nelson from Norfolk he took on the world
Lady Hamilton thought him an absolute pearl
But Hardy said Nelson was misunderstood,
He reckoned his kissing was Norfolk and good.

Now Kent have its hops and the Cornish their pasties
And Lancashire hot pot can be awfully tasty
In Cheshire there's cheese and in Yorkshire there's pud
But my wife's old dumplings are Norfolk and good.

Now the rich folk of London our county have found
Which means that the houses cost thousands of pounds
They all feel at home in our neighbourhood
So we let them know that they' re Norfolk and good.

Now our Norfolk turkeys are simply the best,
They sure knock the stuffing out of the rest
And if you tried one I'm sure that you would
Agree that our turkeys are Norfolk and good.

Norfolk and good, Norfolk and good,
We are the boys who are Norfolk and good.



(BTW, I am a Norfolk man, and glory in being so.*)

*As Lord Horatio Nelson famously also stated.

[Fbone]

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

[Stitchawl]

A blonde tried to sell her old car, but she was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250, 000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal."

"That doesn’t matter, " replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay, " said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50, 000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No, " replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."



Stitchawl

[Daithi]

Originally Posted by pdurrant

I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's mate;
I'm only plucking pheasants 'cos the pheasant plucker's late.


One song where it's vital to avoid spoonerisms....

How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?

I taught my nephew this little ditty and my sister wasn't too pleased. My nephew had it down pat, but apparently his sisters and younger brother heard him saying it, and they weren't quite as skilled.

I think I may have a new tongue twister to teach.

[Chi Cygni]

[Fbone]

I can handle pain until it hurts.

[Bikeridr]

I love hard work.
I can watch it all day long.

[Daithi]

I felt like working today, but I played on the internet until the feeling went away.

[James_Wilde]

Originally Posted by pdurrant

There a saying, "I wouldn't send a dog out on a night like this." So it's a terrible pun on night/knight and a mixed up old saying.

(The k in knight is silent, like the k in knife.)

...or the p in bath.

[wodin]

Originally Posted by wannabee

Arrrh!, but before the yellow bulldozers arrived. Ford made me bring my towel.

So here's to you with a big lump of putty in my armpit.

pfffffffft!

That's just Perfect!

[wodin]

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

A blonde tried to sell her old car, but she was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250, 000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal."

"That doesn’t matter, " replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay, " said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50, 000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No, " replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."



Stitchawl

Uh ... doesn't 50,000 and 250,000 look the same on a 100,000 mile odometer?

Who da blond?

[Fbone]

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

[Stitchawl]

Stitchawl

[Graham Coulson]

A Polish immigrant living in the UK went to have his eyes tested.

The optician showed him the chart with all those lines of letters, large at the top, but getting smaller and smaller until the bottom line was very difficult to decipher.

“Can you read the bottom line?” the optician asked the Pole.

The Pole took a quick look – “Read it?” he exclaimed. “He’s my best friend !”