Unutterably Silly Forum Game: Last person to post here wins!

[Bilbo1967]

Originally Posted by pdurrant

Alas, it's only a moderator (poohbear_nc) that can stop this torment, by closing the thread, without further comments.

And he should do so - immediately.

[poohbear_nc]

You mean now?

[Bilbo1967]

Well, no. About 2 minutes ago would be good.

[TGS]

Better late than never...or possibly not.

[poohbear_nc]

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

Well, no. About 2 minutes ago would be good.

Ye gods! I'm not a time traveler!

[pdurrant]

Close the thread as soon as you read this message, without even stopping to post a message about the closure.

If I find the thread hasn't been closed, I'll just have to post more verses.

[poohbear_nc]

[*looking for the close thread button*]

[*should I cut the blue wire or the red wire?*]

[pdurrant]

Too late! But you can save us from the final seven verses if you act swiftly.

Then the unfortunate husband is arrested and cast into jail,
And sadly his fate he does bewail;
And he curses the hour that ever was born,
And paces his cell up and down very forlorn.

And when the day of his trial draws near,
No doubt for the murdering of his wife he drops a tear,
And he exclaims, "Oh, thou demon Drink, through thee I must die,"
And on the scaffold he warns the people from drink to fly,

Because whenever a father or a mother takes to drink,
Step by step on in crime they do sink,
Until their children loses all affection for them,
And in justice we cannot their children condemn.

The man that gets drunk is little else than a fool,
And is in the habit, no doubt, of advocating for Home Rule;
But the best Home Rule for him, as far as I can understand,
Is the abolition of strong drink from the land.

[McGonagal. A terrible poet and apparently a bigot too.]

[Bilbo1967]

Originally Posted by pdurrant

Too late! But you can save us from the final seven verses if you act swiftly.



[McGonagal. A terrible poet and apparently a bigot too.]

Ooh, McGonagall. When I was a student in Dundee, we used to regularly drink in a pub called McGonagall's. It had copies of his 'poetry' up on the walls and I must have read all of them over the many. many visits we made there (too many, really, for the health of both my liver and my studies). My favourite one, I recall, was about the Tay Bridge disaster, which ends (I had to google this, my memory's not that good);

I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

[Bilbo1967]

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Ye gods! I'm not a time traveler!

We're all travelling through time, surely?

[pdurrant]

I thought his style was unmistakable. But now you must have the last seven verses of "The Demon Drink"

Beware — there's lots more where that came from! Close this thread!

And the men that get drunk in general wants Home Rule;
But such men, I rather think, should keep their heads cool,
And try and learn more sense, I most earnestlty do pray,
And help to get strong drink abolished without delay.

If drink was abolished how many peaceful homes would there be,
Just, for instance in the beautiful town of Dundee;
then this world would be heaven, whereas it's a hell,
An the people would have more peace in it to dwell

Alas! strong drink makes men and women fanatics,
And helps to fill our prisons and lunatics;
And if there was no strong drink such cases wouldn't be,
Which would be a very glad sight for all christians to see.

O admit, a man may be a very good man,
But in my opinion he cannot be a true Christian
As long as he partakes of strong drink,
The more that he may differently think.

But no matter what he thinks, I say nay,
For by taking it he helps to lead his brither astray,
Whereas, if he didn't drink, he would help to reform society,
And we would soon do away with all inebriety.

Then, for the sake of society and the Church of God,
Let each one try to abolish it at home and abroad;
Then poverty and crime would decrease and be at a stand,
And Christ's Kingdom would soon be established throughout the land.

Therefore, brothers and sisters, pause and think,
And try to abolish the foul fiend, Drink.
Let such doctrine be taught in church and school,
That the abolition of strong drink is the only Home Rule.

[Dylrob]

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Ye gods! I'm not a time traveler!

Or so you say.

[poohbear_nc]

[*cutting the red wire now*]

[Dylrob]

You fool! Cutting that wire triggers the self destruct!

[poohbear_nc]

OOPS!

[Quick! Where's the duct tape? We can repair the wire before the entire thread blows up!]