Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 252

Joybells · 10-05-2011, 05:02 AM

Good old Muldoon, who was first the Treasurer, before PM. When a kiwi wrote a series of short sci-fi stories called "the Hole in the Zero", he called one interplanetary monetary system the Muldoon. Perhaps NZ should ditch the dollar in favour of the muldoon?

Shayne Parkinson · 10-05-2011, 05:16 AM

I'm thinking I'd rather stick with the Kiwi.

WT Sharpe · 10-05-2011, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shayne Parkinson

...I heard a linguist on the radio a little while ago commenting that the sounds in "sea" and "see" used to be distinguishable by English speakers. Vowel sounds have a way of being combined....

I've often wondered how 'love' and 'prove' sounded a few centuries ago. I've noticed that many of the older poets used these words as if they rhymed.

Fbone · 10-05-2011, 03:28 PM

Young men may exaggerate, but old men pretend.

badgoodDeb · 10-05-2011, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I've often wondered how 'love' and 'prove' sounded a few centuries ago. I've noticed that many of the older poets used these words as if they rhymed.

Well .... perhaps it was "luuv" in the similar fashion as "proove" .... or there is always poets license, which goes for the visual similarity. I was going to say "visual rhyme" but wasn't sure I could get away with it!

Joybells · 10-05-2011, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I've often wondered how 'love' and 'prove' sounded a few centuries ago. I've noticed that many of the older poets used these words as if they rhymed.

That word much beloved of TV ads "proven", is pronounced with an 'oh'. It is actually an archaic Scottish legal term still in use in the courts. A long time ago, in TV land, a commercial for something like toothpaste or laundry powder used the word 'proven' instead of 'proved' (scientifically proved to be ....), and it spread across the small screen like a rash.

So, maybe 'love' and 'prove' were originally pronounced 'lohve' and 'prohve'?

Fbone · 10-05-2011, 08:40 PM

Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

Stitchawl · 10-05-2011, 09:18 PM

A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.
He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.
He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.

Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"

"Yes sir," the Sergeant said, "I'm here to activate your phone lines."

Stitchawl

Daithi · 10-05-2011, 10:19 PM

Private Johnson is in the First Sgt.'s office when the phone starts ringing and someone yells at him to answer the damn phone.

Private Johnson picks up the phone and says, "Hello?"

"Is that the way you answer the phone soldier?!! Nobody under my command should ever answer like you just answered it. You will state the name of the battalion office followed by your rank and name, and then ask how you can assist the caller. Do you understand me?" asked General Clovis.

"Yes, sir!" replied the private.

"Do you even no who you are talking to soldier? I'm General Clovis, the commander of this base," said the General.

"Well, do you know who you are speaking to General?" asked the private.

"No, who is ..."

"Good!" and the private quickly hung up.

Stitchawl · 10-06-2011, 03:24 AM

Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

Stitchawl

Daithi · 10-06-2011, 08:56 AM

Even though he shouldn't have done it, Tiny and Bubba's professor passed the two players so that they could play in the Sugar Bowl.

While in the locker room the coach announced, "In order to play in the game, I'm afraid that each of you you will need to pass a urinalysis test."

Bubba says, "Uh, coach, will there be any spelling questions on this test?"

Fbone · 10-06-2011, 04:20 PM

Farting loudly in a moving elevator is foul on so many levels.

Daithi · 10-06-2011, 04:27 PM

Do elevators smell different to midgets?

cromag · 10-06-2011, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

You should always write your name on your underwear. See, I'm Machine Wash Cold.

Just call me Extra Large.

Stitchawl · 10-06-2011, 07:33 PM

One day a big group of blonds met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb. They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."

The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"

"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"

“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.

Stitchawl

10-06-2011, 08:56 AM	#3776
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	Even though he shouldn't have done it, Tiny and Bubba's professor passed the two players so that they could play in the Sugar Bowl. While in the locker room the coach announced, "In order to play in the game, I'm afraid that each of you you will need to pass a urinalysis test." Bubba says, "Uh, coach, will there be any spelling questions on this test?" Last edited by Daithi; 10-06-2011 at 08:59 AM.

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10-05-2011, 05:02 AM	#3766
Joybells reddit, reddit, reddit Posts: 184 Karma: 405760 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Gold Coast, Queensland, Oz Device: Kobo Touch	Good old Muldoon, who was first the Treasurer, before PM. When a kiwi wrote a series of short sci-fi stories called "the Hole in the Zero", he called one interplanetary monetary system the Muldoon. Perhaps NZ should ditch the dollar in favour of the muldoon?

10-05-2011, 05:16 AM	#3767
Shayne Parkinson Author Posts: 1,532 Karma: 5447804 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: New Zealand Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab	I'm thinking I'd rather stick with the Kiwi.

10-05-2011, 03:28 PM	#3769
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Young men may exaggerate, but old men pretend.

10-05-2011, 08:40 PM	#3772
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

10-05-2011, 09:18 PM	#3773
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan. He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander. He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility. Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?" "Yes sir," the Sergeant said, "I'm here to activate your phone lines." Stitchawl

10-05-2011, 10:19 PM	#3774
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	Private Johnson is in the First Sgt.'s office when the phone starts ringing and someone yells at him to answer the damn phone. Private Johnson picks up the phone and says, "Hello?" "Is that the way you answer the phone soldier?!! Nobody under my command should ever answer like you just answered it. You will state the name of the battalion office followed by your rank and name, and then ask how you can assist the caller. Do you understand me?" asked General Clovis. "Yes, sir!" replied the private. "Do you even no who you are talking to soldier? I'm General Clovis, the commander of this base," said the General. "Well, do you know who you are speaking to General?" asked the private. "No, who is ..." "Good!" and the private quickly hung up.

10-06-2011, 03:24 AM	#3775
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________." Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm." "Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O." Stitchawl

10-06-2011, 04:20 PM	#3777
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Farting loudly in a moving elevator is foul on so many levels.

10-06-2011, 04:27 PM	#3778
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	Do elevators smell different to midgets?

10-06-2011, 07:33 PM	#3780
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	One day a big group of blonds met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb. They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb." The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd. She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?" The blonde responded: "November?" "Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance." So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?" The blonde responded: "Paris?" So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance." The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?" The blonde replied: "Two?" “Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd. Stitchawl