Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 249

HomeInMyShoes · 09-30-2011, 01:25 PM

^That's true? Seriously? Seagulls have been known to spontaneously appear in garbage dumps. We have seagulls in Regina. It's about 4,000 miles from the ocean.

We call them skyrats.

wodin · 09-30-2011, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HomeInMyShoes

^That's true? Seriously? Seagulls have been known to spontaneously appear in garbage dumps. We have seagulls in Regina. It's about 4,000 miles from the ocean.

We call them skyrats.

One of the thing I find strange about living in Hawaii is that we're surrounded by thousands of miles of ocean, but we don't have ANY seagulls. Plenty of pigeons (our version of flying rats) and mynah birds but nary a seagull!

Ajax · 09-30-2011, 07:02 PM

A Boston native dies and is sent to Hell. The Devil tries to make him as uncomfortable as possible, maintaining a temperature of 100 degrees, but the man does not seem to mind.

"How can you be comfortable?" the Devil asks.

"I used to spend my summers on the Cape," the man replies. "This feels just like June. I can handle this."

"Very well then," says the Devil, and he turns the heat up to 130 degrees.

"No problem," answers the man. "My studio apartment was $2000 a month, so I couldn't afford an air conditioner. This feels just like July."

"Have it your way," says the Devil, and he turns the heat up to 180 degrees.

"Big deal," says the man, still unfazed. "I used to sit in the bleachers at Fenway Park. This feels just like August."

The Devil thinks for a moment, then decides to reduce the temperature to minus-50. At this, the man smiles, and starts jumping up and down and shouting happily.

"What now?" asks the Devil.

"Hell froze over!" the man yells triumphantly. "The Red Sox must have finally won the World Series!"

Fbone · 09-30-2011, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joybells

Fbone - one for you - not so much a joke as a funny happening from my home town in NZ.

The seagulls were proving to be a real problem at our city dump - they were flying 50 miles inland to eat our rubbish.

The City Fathers were not amused, and wanted to get rid of the hundreds of circling seagulls, but were not allowed to kill them. A sneaky plan was devised, where sedative sandwiches (yes, really) were scattered around the dump, and the comatose seagulls were to be gathered up and taken back to the beach. (Did noone think this through?)

It worked beautifully, and seagulls fell asleep on schedule. However, so did all the sparrows that frequented the dump, and they were falling from the sky too, all over town. And the cats ate them, and staggered around like drunks before settling down to sleep.

Panic ensued among cat lovers as there beloved moggies went crosseyed and fell over, unable to be woken. The City Council had a lot of explaining to do, not the least being why they thought taking sleeping birds home would stop them from flying back when they woke up. It's just as well NZers are not a litigous bunch.

Now that's funny

At first I thought they were going to ship the sleeping birds to Queensland. I must say it was a unique solution to reducing the sparrow population.

I believe seagulls have different behaviors in various locales. Where I live they can be aggressive and grab the sandwich from your hands or lunch basket. Other places they are more docile.

We have more of a Canada Geese problem. Some towns hire dogs to chase them away but they just return. And these geese despite their name do not migrate. The ganders are aggressive when their goslings are nearby. Although, they too will grab food out of your hand. They sneak up behind you and reach right over your shoulder to pluck food from your hand.

Fbone · 09-30-2011, 07:46 PM

You know you're stressed out when you can hear mimes.

Stitchawl · 09-30-2011, 08:07 PM

Stitchawl

GlennD · 09-30-2011, 08:52 PM

The seagull story reminded me of this gem:

PeterT · 10-01-2011, 12:44 AM

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, All the men started clapping !!!

amward · 10-01-2011, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Stitchawl

This made my day!

Joybells · 10-01-2011, 04:53 AM

the seagull sandwich story is indeed true. Perhaps, if we had known of the lack of gulls in Hawaii, we could have exported sedated seagulls to the USA

Stitchawl · 10-01-2011, 06:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joybells

the seagull sandwich story is indeed true. Perhaps, if we had known of the lack of gulls in Hawaii, we could have exported sedated seagulls to the USA

Would US seagulls be able to understand Australian seagulls when they talk? I know I have difficulties with the accents myself.

Stitchawl

Joybells · 10-01-2011, 07:22 AM

sckrrraaaaaaaawwrrrr

schkraaaaaaaaaaaah

yes, I see the problem. but they wouldn't have a problem in Hawaii, as there are no seagulls there to start with.

Graham Coulson · 10-01-2011, 07:31 AM

A man tried to gatecrash a fancy-dress dance.

He was dressed as a pair of jump leads.

After a bit of an argument, the bouncer on the door said "All right, you can go in, so long as you don't start anything."

Stitchawl · 10-01-2011, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joybells

sckrrraaaaaaaawwrrrr

schkraaaaaaaaaaaah

yes, I see the problem. but they wouldn't have a problem in Hawaii, as there are no seagulls there to start with.

Er... that second one sounds more like a Boston accent to me.
Can you imagine a seagull from Brooklyn?!? Sounding like "Rocky?!?"

Stitchawl

WT Sharpe · 10-01-2011, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlennD

The seagull story reminded me of this gem:

Great video! A classic.

And now a word on news reporters:

[sarcasm tag]"A WHALE of a tale." Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! (Pardon me while I regain my composure.) They must be sending reporters to Comedy College these days. How do they keep coming up with those great and original one-liners?[/sarcasm tag]

09-30-2011, 08:07 PM	#3726
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Stitchawl Last edited by Stitchawl; 10-01-2011 at 10:35 AM.

09-30-2011, 08:52 PM	#3727
GlennD Wizard Posts: 2,120 Karma: 17500000 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: The Pacific NW Device: sony PRS350, iPhone, iPad	The seagull story reminded me of this gem: Last edited by GlennD; 09-30-2011 at 08:59 PM.

10-01-2011, 07:31 AM	#3733
Graham Coulson Magic mushroom tester Posts: 91 Karma: 1794762 Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Burgundy, France Device: iPad 2	Fancy ! A man tried to gatecrash a fancy-dress dance. He was dressed as a pair of jump leads. After a bit of an argument, the bouncer on the door said "All right, you can go in, so long as you don't start anything."

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09-30-2011, 01:25 PM	#3721
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	^That's true? Seriously? Seagulls have been known to spontaneously appear in garbage dumps. We have seagulls in Regina. It's about 4,000 miles from the ocean. We call them skyrats.

09-30-2011, 07:02 PM	#3723
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	A Boston native dies and is sent to Hell. The Devil tries to make him as uncomfortable as possible, maintaining a temperature of 100 degrees, but the man does not seem to mind. "How can you be comfortable?" the Devil asks. "I used to spend my summers on the Cape," the man replies. "This feels just like June. I can handle this." "Very well then," says the Devil, and he turns the heat up to 130 degrees. "No problem," answers the man. "My studio apartment was $2000 a month, so I couldn't afford an air conditioner. This feels just like July." "Have it your way," says the Devil, and he turns the heat up to 180 degrees. "Big deal," says the man, still unfazed. "I used to sit in the bleachers at Fenway Park. This feels just like August." The Devil thinks for a moment, then decides to reduce the temperature to minus-50. At this, the man smiles, and starts jumping up and down and shouting happily. "What now?" asks the Devil. "Hell froze over!" the man yells triumphantly. "The Red Sox must have finally won the World Series!"

09-30-2011, 07:46 PM	#3725
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	You know you're stressed out when you can hear mimes.

10-01-2011, 12:44 AM	#3728
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,693 Karma: 79983758 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, All the men started clapping !!!

10-01-2011, 04:53 AM	#3730
Joybells reddit, reddit, reddit Posts: 184 Karma: 405760 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Gold Coast, Queensland, Oz Device: Kobo Touch	the seagull sandwich story is indeed true. Perhaps, if we had known of the lack of gulls in Hawaii, we could have exported sedated seagulls to the USA

10-01-2011, 07:22 AM	#3732
Joybells reddit, reddit, reddit Posts: 184 Karma: 405760 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Gold Coast, Queensland, Oz Device: Kobo Touch	sckrrraaaaaaaawwrrrr schkraaaaaaaaaaaah yes, I see the problem. but they wouldn't have a problem in Hawaii, as there are no seagulls there to start with.