Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 235

badgoodDeb · 09-01-2011, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astra

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

I've always loved this one!

Lycoming · 09-01-2011, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

I've always loved this one!

Rubbish!

Me started it.

Fbone · 09-01-2011, 07:50 PM

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine

Stephen_Melling · 09-02-2011, 12:36 PM

One I heard at school..

A White Horse walks into a pub and asks for a whiskey.

Barman informs him they have: "Bell's, Famous grouse, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam...we even have a whiskey named after you!"

"Oh," says the White Horse. "In that case I'll have a double Arnold."

Fbone · 09-02-2011, 06:06 PM

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

WT Sharpe · 09-02-2011, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

Pure poetry!

Shakespeare couldn't have said it better!

wodin · 09-02-2011, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Pure poetry!

Shakespeare couldn't have said it better!

Or Mickey Spillane!

BenG · 09-03-2011, 12:15 AM

What's the white stuff in bird poop?

Spoiler:

Fbone · 09-03-2011, 03:51 AM

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

Fbone · 09-03-2011, 06:31 PM

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Stitchawl · 09-04-2011, 05:13 AM

Signs That You've Had TOO MUCH Of The Modern Age...

You try to enter your password on the microwave

You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."

You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards
in years.

You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your
family of 3.

You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that
dinner is ready, and he emails you back "What's for
dinner?"
.
Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web
site.

You chat several times a day with a stranger
from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your
next door neighbor yet this year.

You didn't give your valentine a card this year,
but you posted one for your email buddies via a Web
page.

Your daughter just bought on CD all the records your
college roommate used to play that you most despised.
.
Every commercial on television has a web-site
address at the bottom of the screen.
.
You buy a computer and a week later it is out of
date, and now sells for half the price you paid.
The concept of using real money, instead of credit or
debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.

Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast
food bags out of the back seat of your car.

Your reason for not staying in touch with family is
that they do not have e-mail addresses.

You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.

You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing
cabinet.

Your idea of being organized is multiple colored
post-it notes.

You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in
person.

Stitchawl

Bikeridr · 09-04-2011, 07:48 AM

Written by a ten year old schoolboy:

I want to be a captain when I grow up because it’s a funny job and easy to do. Captains don’t need much school education they just have to learn numbers so they can read the instruments. I guess they should be able to read maps so they won’t get lost. Captains should be brave so they won’t be scared if it’s foggy and they can’t see, or if a propeller falls off they should stay calm so they will know what to do. Captains have to have eyes to see through clouds and they can’t be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are closer to them than we are.
The salary that captains make is another thing I like. They make more money than they can spend. This is because most people think that captaining a ship is dangerous, except captains, because they know how easy it is. There isn’t much I don’t like, except girls like captains and all the girls want to marry captains so they always have to chase them away so they won’t bother them. I hope I don’t get seasick because I get car sick and if I get seasick I could not be a captain and then I would have to go to work.

Fbone · 09-04-2011, 03:22 PM

[QUOTE=Stitchawl;1729614

You chat several times a day with a stranger
from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your
next door neighbor yet this year.

Stitchawl[/QUOTE]

This one is so true. I don't even have my neighbor's phone numbers or email addresses.

Fbone · 09-04-2011, 03:25 PM

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

odiakkoh · 09-04-2011, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

LMAO so true.

Also true about the neighbors thing. I was left speechless when my new neighbors next door not only came over to introduce themselves, they brought us a gift.

09-03-2011, 12:15 AM	#3518
BenG Home Guard Posts: 4,730 Karma: 86721650 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Alpha Ralpha Boulevard Device: Kindle Oasis 3G, iPhone 6	What's the white stuff in bird poop? Spoiler: More bird poop!

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09-01-2011, 07:50 PM	#3513
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine

09-02-2011, 12:36 PM	#3514
Stephen_Melling Stephen_Melling Posts: 133 Karma: 479422 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Preston, Lancashire Device: kindle	One I heard at school.. A White Horse walks into a pub and asks for a whiskey. Barman informs him they have: "Bell's, Famous grouse, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam...we even have a whiskey named after you!" "Oh," says the White Horse. "In that case I'll have a double Arnold."

09-02-2011, 06:06 PM	#3515
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

09-03-2011, 03:51 AM	#3519
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

09-03-2011, 06:31 PM	#3520
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

09-04-2011, 05:13 AM	#3521
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Signs That You've Had TOO MUCH Of The Modern Age... You try to enter your password on the microwave You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted." You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back "What's for dinner?" . Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your email buddies via a Web page. Your daughter just bought on CD all the records your college roommate used to play that you most despised. . Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen. . You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date, and now sells for half the price you paid. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow. You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person. Stitchawl

09-04-2011, 07:48 AM	#3522
Bikeridr Information Acquirer Posts: 436 Karma: 4265156 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Latvia, Rigas Rajons Device: Kindle 3 International, Pocketbook Color	Written by a ten year old schoolboy: I want to be a captain when I grow up because it’s a funny job and easy to do. Captains don’t need much school education they just have to learn numbers so they can read the instruments. I guess they should be able to read maps so they won’t get lost. Captains should be brave so they won’t be scared if it’s foggy and they can’t see, or if a propeller falls off they should stay calm so they will know what to do. Captains have to have eyes to see through clouds and they can’t be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are closer to them than we are. The salary that captains make is another thing I like. They make more money than they can spend. This is because most people think that captaining a ship is dangerous, except captains, because they know how easy it is. There isn’t much I don’t like, except girls like captains and all the girls want to marry captains so they always have to chase them away so they won’t bother them. I hope I don’t get seasick because I get car sick and if I get seasick I could not be a captain and then I would have to go to work.

09-04-2011, 03:22 PM	#3523
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	[QUOTE=Stitchawl;1729614 You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year. Stitchawl[/QUOTE] This one is so true. I don't even have my neighbor's phone numbers or email addresses.

09-04-2011, 03:25 PM	#3524
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.