What is in your cup?

[ProfCrash]

Go with your gut but you owe it to all parties to be honest about what you are doing. If gent 2 is that much of a draw then there is something missing with gent 1. It sounds like you already identified what is missing. The ability to communicate and share with each other is not something that develops over time.

Pu erh in my parents kitchen. Good stuff.

[orlok]

Originally Posted by beppe

Iridal. Wait before straightening out with gent1. Wait until you know a little more about your feelings. Do not let them know about each other. Now you are full of enthusiasm and you are experiencing the enormous strength of a new romantic attraction, actually two. But listen, anything that you say now, will be accepted in that magic mood, but it will stay in their mind for ever, and poison their thoughts. Therefore, keep it to yourself. Deal with each one separately. Keep your privacy. In any case, whatever you are, they see you with their own eyes, and have of you an idea that is only partially you, but mostly is how they imagine you, or what they dream and desire, and expect. The curse of expectations. It takes ages to know each other. And when one arrives there ... It is time for someone else. Nah, it is not true, really. But ...

Poor advice, IMO. Honesty is always the best course. I know from bitter experience.

[VydorScope]

Originally Posted by orlok

Poor advice, IMO. Honesty is always the best course. I know from bitter experience.

Agree... but I am sad cause my cup is now empty.

[Stitchawl]

Did you ever have to make up your mind
Pick up on one and leave the other behind
It's not often easy and not often kind
Did you ever have to make up your mind

Did you ever have to finally decide
Say yes to one and let the other one ride
There's so many changes and tears you must hide
Did you ever have to finally decide

( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7AkTpJC2hA )

Good morning, everyone. I'm waking up to campfire woodsmoke today, so I'm going to accessorize it with a mug of Lapsang Souchong tea to go along with my rice! Burning lots of Balsam Fir incense since I returned from the Northwoods! Pleasant memories...

Originally Posted by Iridal

Thanks guys, for all the advice. I was really really really struggling with it, but I decided to have dinner with 'gent2' (as he has been dubbed here) because I wanted to go so badly and tell him first thing that I am seeing someone right now. But there's definitely something there. We just talked for 5 hours straight. About anything and everything. Without akward pauses. That's something I can't do with 'gent1', that relationship is more *cough* physical. Now I think I need to be honest to gent1 too ... I think I'm going to spend a sleepless night.

At the risk of sounding crude, it's easy to get laid. It's difficult to find someone you want to talk with afterwards... Really difficult. Talking doesn't wear off over the years.

Originally Posted by beppe

Iridal. Wait before straightening out with gent1. Wait until you know a little more about your feelings. Do not let them know about each other.

Originally Posted by ProfCrash

Go with your gut but you owe it to all parties to be honest about what you are doing.

I agree with both of the above. And they do NOT contradict one another. Being honest does NOT mean you have to tell someone everything. It means not lying to another.

If I don't like your new hairstyle but you love it, being honest does NOT mean I should tell you how ugly I think it is. It means I should keep my mouth shut. If asked, I would tell you what you wanted to hear.

Unless you are in a committed one-on-one relationship with No.1, keep your mouth shut about No.2 to him. Do tell No.2. He needs to know that he's poaching in someone else's woods. But perhaps that is worth the risk to him.

Originally Posted by orlok

Poor advice, IMO. Honesty is always the best course. I know from bitter experience.

No question about the fact that we can get burned pretty badly in the relationship game. Probably most of us have. But just as probably, we have all survived... We've gone on to find the relationships that last for us.

I spent 17 years as a bachelor between wives #2 and #3, dating and having a delightful time playing the field. Once I met my current wife, I knew IMMEDIATELY (by the third date) that I was all done playing around and was going to marry her. There was no question in my mind. 17 years of playing and looking... Bamm! Over, just like that. We've now been married almost 18 years, and I've never even been tempted to stray. If there is ANY doubt in your mind, do NOT shut the door on possibilities.

This is NOT to say that my previous marriages were 'wrong.' We grow, we change, our values and dreams change as we mature. Sometimes what is right for us at 24 is no longer valid at 34. Sometimes it is. Everyone is different. That's why we all have such different opinions here. All opinions are valid... for the 'opinioner.' (Is that a word?)

Take what works for you. And above all... good luck. It ain't easy.

I think I'd better have another mug of tea...


Stitchawl

[maianhvk]

All the advices sound really simple, but yet complicated. Sometimes being honest is hard.

Poor Iri, the days being single were all over in a blink and all of a sudden two guys appeared. Maybe there are more, lurking in the dark, waiting for a chance... Best of luck, dear friend.

[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by maianhvk

All the advices sound really simple, but yet complicated. Sometimes being honest is hard.

Poor Iri, the days being single were all over in a blink and all of a sudden two guys appeared. Maybe there are more, lurking in the dark, waiting for a chance... Best of luck, dear friend.

No doubt about it, a whole lot of luck, smiles, tears, fears, jeers, etc., etc., will be in this future... And nobody said it would be easy. But it beats the hell out of the alternatives.

Here is a cute poem written by Jonathan Swift (1667 – 1745) on the subject, to be read with a light heart and an open mind... Enjoy.

Meanwhile, I'm going to drink a large mug of iced tea and finish my book!

Stitchawl

[beppe]

Originally Posted by orlok

Poor advice, IMO. Honesty is always the best course. I know from bitter experience.

Yes orlok. No doubt about it. Truth wins, without truth we are nothing. I am convinced of it. But there is an other factor, that is essential and dominates in personal relations, and that is timing. My advice was and is, wait. Let the feelings get clearer, and if not clearer, stronger. Then one can think of commitment. Only then, truth becomes essential. I would not commit myself to a relation that is mostly *cough* physical.

So, Iridal, keep your cards covered, for the time being, and do follow your desires. From what you said, it looks like you are a very nice and smart person. Which I knew all along anyway. Just enjoy yourself as much as you can.

[orlok]

I understand what you are saying @beppe, but in my view any relationship based on deceit is probably doomed from the start. If these relationships are passing ones, that's fine, but if as @Stitchawl says, you meet the one you know is right for you, then you need to give that relationship every chance to succeed, and it must be based on honesty.

[beppe]

Originally Posted by orlok

I understand what you are saying @beppe, but in my view any relationship based on deceit is probably doomed from the start. If these relationships are passing ones, that's fine, but if as @Stitchawl says, you meet the one you know is right for you, then you need to give that relationship every chance to succeed, and it must be based on honesty.

I met the one that I knew to be the right one for me 7(seven) times. They all were actually. They all lasted, for a while at least. The shortest for 2 years, the most durable for 15 or so. Why they ended? Because there was no love tension in them anymore. And without it, I feel the bleak empty coldness of intergalactic void.

An other factor is who is the lover and who the beloved. It makes a lot of difference in the balance of strengths and vulnerability. I experienced both, and I prefer to be the lover, although being the beloved is very pleasant, but maybe more dangerous. The point is that when we spoil the heart of every defense, and we are totally honest and truthful, then we are planting the seeds for future pains and torments. Like if the girl in question tells to number two that she is seeing somebody else, but mostly for *cough* reasons. That will be accepted on the moment, but later his imagination will take over. No good. Silence is golden for things like that. Unfortunately, when we are overwhelmed by the power of a new love, we tend to start frm scratch and become what we always dreamed of ourselves, and there it goes the sharing of experiences. Ouch.

[Stitchawl]

Just think how much effort is used just because we have hormones... How many more degrees would I have, or creations created, or successes in life reached if I hadn't been focused on women?

Life would be so much 'easier' if we joined a monastery/convent. 'Easier,' not necessarily better... Less pain, less tears, less heartache... But less joy, less happiness, less life.

To quote "The Prophet;"
"But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. "

Time for an early glass of Bombay Sapphire and contemplation of the 'Boy/Girl' experience. Sometimes I'm very happy to be old...

Stitchawl

[maianhvk]

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Here is a cute poem written by Jonathan Swift (1667 – 1745) on the subject, to be read with a light heart and an open mind... Enjoy.

Is there no way to moderate her anger? -- Hang her.

Terrific poem, Stitchawl.

[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by maianhvk

Is there no way to moderate her anger? -- Hang her.

Terrific poem, Stitchawl.

Isn't that fun?!? I love it! But did you read the chapter from 'The Prophet?' I think that is such a beautiful and insightful comment on 'love.' It might not be all that possible, but it sure would be nice!


Stitchawl

[beppe]

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Isn't that fun?!? I love it! But did you read the chapter from 'The Prophet?' I think that is such a beautiful and insightful comment on 'love.' It might not be all that possible, but it sure would be nice!


Stitchawl

Very good stitch. It is exactly so. Never enough.

[Ivy]

I am sure there is some ice tea in the house... Maybe I should go get it before I post?

Naaaah.


HELLO FROM TEXAS!

[pdurrant]

Coke Zero #3

(Only ten cans left. I must get some more in soon.)