What is in your cup? - Page 952

Ajax · 08-15-2011, 08:38 AM

Just finished up yet another killer graveyard shift, so my cup is filled with the state drink of Texas...

Iridal · 08-15-2011, 09:37 AM

Oh boy ... The world must be a pretty screwed up place, because last night (after BF went home and I was having another drink with a girlfriend) I ran into someone I've known through my brother for a while (and who I hadn't seen in a couple of years) and we ended up talking for a couple of hours. And now he wants to have dinner tonight, which I would really like too. There's just a connection there ... But I have a boyfriend!

What to do, what to do ... This is no fun way to spend the weekend

I think I need someone with lots of relationship and dating experience.

That being said: hot cocoa in my cup, maybe the chocolate will make me feel better.

beppe · 08-15-2011, 10:02 AM

Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.

Stitchawl · 08-15-2011, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iridal

Oh boy ... The world must be a pretty screwed up place, because last night (after BF went home and I was having another drink with a girlfriend) I ran into someone I've known through my brother for a while (and who I hadn't seen in a couple of years) and we ended up talking for a couple of hours. And now he wants to have dinner tonight, which I would really like too. There's just a connection there ... But I have a boyfriend!

What to do, what to do ... This is no fun way to spend the weekend

I think I need someone with lots of relationship and dating experience.

The key to success lies in good scheduling...

Stitchawl

beppe · 08-15-2011, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iridal

Oh boy ... The world must be a pretty screwed up place, because last night (after BF went home and I was having another drink with a girlfriend) I ran into someone I've known through my brother for a while (and who I hadn't seen in a couple of years) and we ended up talking for a couple of hours. And now he wants to have dinner tonight, which I would really like too. There's just a connection there ... But I have a boyfriend!

What to do, what to do ... This is no fun way to spend the weekend

I think I need someone with lots of relationship and dating experience.

That being said: hot cocoa in my cup, maybe the chocolate will make me feel better.

Now, more seriously. The things you do, how you do them, have the greater impact on your self, mostly. If you are at ease with being promiscuous, then the problems are just logistic ones. I was promiscuous at your age, and then I found out that being so did not let me appreciate a relation at it's full potential, therefore since countless years, few marriages and few affairs, I love them one at the time, it has become a strict rule, and I am very happy with it. I also learned that mixing what is finishing with what is starting is pure poison.

You are obviously transmitting. That tells a lot to a guy with good sensors.

That said, follow your impulse, and please, do it for me, go always all the way.

HomeInMyShoes · 08-15-2011, 11:13 AM

Ugh. Worst weekend ever. And now it's Monday. Where's my coffee? Oh yeah, there's my cup.

VydorScope · 08-15-2011, 11:17 AM

I have been happily married 15 years now, and my advice is opposite of most in this thread so far. Pick one relationship and work it, and do not branch out. Branching out only dilutes all of the relationships. I would also say go slow with whomever you pick. Build foundations so that if you go ahead and get really serious about it you have something to work with.

Oh yea... Green Mountain Dark Magic (getting it now)

maianhvk · 08-15-2011, 11:45 AM

In my mug: home made corn milk, by sister. Living near is wonderful, she brings many fancy foods and drinks over everyday

@ Iri: Multi-function won't work. You should deal with this BF issue one by one. Then again, I'm inexperienced. That's just what I think.

ProfCrash · 08-15-2011, 12:00 PM

Reporting in from vacation. We were able to successfully surprise my Mother. She is never going to believe me when I say I am flying home for a business meeting again but her birthday party was a great success.

Lots of beer, wine, and tea consumed so far. More to drink over the next few days.

Iridal: Since you are calling gent number 1 your boyfriend you should be honest with gent number 2 and tell him you are dating someone. Dinner as friends is fine but that is all that it should be. If you are so tempted by gent number 2 then it is time to think about gent number 1 and how you feel about him. I know this advice does not make your life simpler.

Put yourself in your boyfriends shoes. How would you feel if you found out he had started potentailly seeing another woman? If the answer to that is "Like crap" or "betrayed" than you should have the answer to your question.

beppe · 08-15-2011, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VydorScope

I have been happily married 15 years now, and my advice is opposite of most in this thread so far. Pick one relationship and work it, and do not branch out. Branching out only dilutes all of the relationships. I would also say go slow with whomever you pick. Build foundations so that if you go ahead and get really serious about it you have something to work with.

Oh yea... Green Mountain Dark Magic (getting it now)

Quote:

Originally Posted by maianhvk

In my mug: home made corn milk, by sister. Living near is wonderful, she brings many fancy foods and drinks over everyday

@ Iri: Multi-function won't work. You should deal with this BF issue one by one. Then again, I'm inexperienced. That's just what I think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProfCrash

Reporting in from vacation. We were able to successfully surprise my Mother. She is never going to believe me when I say I am flying home for a business meeting again but her birthday party was a great success.

Lots of beer, wine, and tea consumed so far. More to drink over the next few days.

Iridal: Since you are calling gent number 1 your boyfriend you should be honest with gent number 2 and tell him you are dating someone. Dinner as friends is fine but that is all that it should be. If you are so tempted by gent number 2 then it is time to think about gent number 1 and how you feel about him. I know this advice does not make your life simpler.

Put yourself in your boyfriends shoes. How would you feel if you found out he had started potentailly seeing another woman? If the answer to that is "Like crap" or "betrayed" than you should have the answer to your question.

You are all very right. But ...
If *our* Iridal is curious, that means a few things that are quite evident. Plus one little corollary. Regret is one of the worst and bitter feeling. Both ways. Like sometime I see one of those nice couples that have been married for a life long. And I regret having divorced from my first, she was my high school sweetheart. She is still a very attractive woman. But then I remember tossing in that desolate bed and asking myself what I was doing there ...
It all depends if she wants to take this guy and teach him everything, like that one likes to spend a Saturday reading, instead of going around. That it is better to wait for one to come forward on her own rather than assuming. And few things like that.
Of course if Iri and Bf have promised each other to be faithful, that makes a huge difference. But already Iri has broken it as she is thinking about going out with gent2. It is all in the head. The facts, in these matters, are relevant only if they are known. I remain with my idea. Iridal, if you feel fine with it, just go ahead and drink all of your cup. Which is what the prof is saying, her being a she and me a he.

Phogg · 08-15-2011, 01:53 PM

Half the glass filled with ice and pineapple soda.
The other half filled with ruby red grapefruit juice.

Life is good.

As someone who has managed 23 years of matrimony so far in spite of a really messed up start in life, I will chime in in favor of integrity in relationships.

Skibble · 08-15-2011, 02:27 PM

IMHO, honesty is the best policy. Make sure the new fellow understands you have a boyfriend right now. And make sure the boyfriend knows you're going to dinner with a new friend. Trying to hide things or meet in secret is only going to backfire and make things look worse than they actually are.

I actually know a couple, happily married for 20 years now, who met while the woman was in a relationship with someone else. But she ended the first relationship before starting the second with her now-husband. The husband told me once that if she had tried to be with both at once, or offered to see him behind her then-boyfriend's back, he would have cooled toward her immediately, because it would have been a sign of lack of integrity. He said if she had done it to her boyfriend then, who was to say he wouldn't do it to him, later?

Fortunately, she was honest, and my family now has this couple over for dinner regularly. They still have their flame!

Drinking a Diet Coke and preparing to dive back into my historical fiction....

orlok · 08-15-2011, 03:09 PM

@Iridal - I think it has all pretty much been said here already, and in truth only you can decide what it best for you. I agree with @Skibble that you should be honest, that is the overriding thing I have learned in the many mistakes I have made in the past.

My only addition to what has been said is that, if you are interested in following up on #2, then you can't be that certain about #1. You wouldn't even be considering going out with #2 if you were completely sure about #1. So, go with your instincts. But again, be honest about it.

Spanish Rioja in my glass.

Iridal · 08-15-2011, 04:18 PM

Thanks guys, for all the advice. I was really really really struggling with it, but I decided to have dinner with 'gent2' (as he has been dubbed here) because I wanted to go so badly and tell him first thing that I am seeing someone right now. But there's definitely something there. We just talked for 5 hours straight. About anything and everything. Without akward pauses. That's something I can't do with 'gent1', that relationship is more *cough* physical. Now I think I need to be honest to gent1 too ... I think I'm going to spend a sleepless night.

In my cup: Rooibos chocolate mint.

Just to be clear: I would never allow something to happen with gent2 while I'm still in a relationship with gent1. That happened to me once and it totally and completely sucks, so I would never do to that to someone else.

beppe · 08-15-2011, 04:51 PM

Iridal. Wait before straightening out with gent1. Wait until you know a little more about your feelings. Do not let them know about each other. Now you are full of enthusiasm and you are experiencing the enormous strength of a new romantic attraction, actually two. But listen, anything that you say now, will be accepted in that magic mood, but it will stay in their mind for ever, and poison their thoughts. Therefore, keep it to yourself. Deal with each one separately. Keep your privacy. In any case, whatever you are, they see you with their own eyes, and have of you an idea that is only partially you, but mostly is how they imagine you, or what they dream and desire, and expect. The curse of expectations. It takes ages to know each other. And when one arrives there ... It is time for someone else. Nah, it is not true, really. But ...

08-15-2011, 04:18 PM	#14279
Iridal Mysteriarch Posts: 1,422 Karma: 26606984 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: The land of impossible deadlines Device: iPhone 4, Kindle 3	Thanks guys, for all the advice. I was really really really struggling with it, but I decided to have dinner with 'gent2' (as he has been dubbed here) because I wanted to go so badly and tell him first thing that I am seeing someone right now. But there's definitely something there. We just talked for 5 hours straight. About anything and everything. Without akward pauses. That's something I can't do with 'gent1', that relationship is more cough physical. Now I think I need to be honest to gent1 too ... I think I'm going to spend a sleepless night. In my cup: Rooibos chocolate mint. Just to be clear: I would never allow something to happen with gent2 while I'm still in a relationship with gent1. That happened to me once and it totally and completely sucks, so I would never do to that to someone else. Last edited by Iridal; 08-15-2011 at 04:50 PM.

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08-15-2011, 08:38 AM	#14266
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	Just finished up yet another killer graveyard shift, so my cup is filled with the state drink of Texas...

08-15-2011, 09:37 AM	#14267
Iridal Mysteriarch Posts: 1,422 Karma: 26606984 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: The land of impossible deadlines Device: iPhone 4, Kindle 3	Oh boy ... The world must be a pretty screwed up place, because last night (after BF went home and I was having another drink with a girlfriend) I ran into someone I've known through my brother for a while (and who I hadn't seen in a couple of years) and we ended up talking for a couple of hours. And now he wants to have dinner tonight, which I would really like too. There's just a connection there ... But I have a boyfriend! What to do, what to do ... This is no fun way to spend the weekend I think I need someone with lots of relationship and dating experience. That being said: hot cocoa in my cup, maybe the chocolate will make me feel better.

08-15-2011, 10:02 AM	#14268
beppe Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,161 Karma: 81026524 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Italy Device: Kindle3, Ipod4, IPad2	Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.

08-15-2011, 11:13 AM	#14271
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	Ugh. Worst weekend ever. And now it's Monday. Where's my coffee? Oh yeah, there's my cup.

08-15-2011, 11:17 AM	#14272
VydorScope Wizard Posts: 3,418 Karma: 35207650 Join Date: Jun 2011 Device: iPad	I have been happily married 15 years now, and my advice is opposite of most in this thread so far. Pick one relationship and work it, and do not branch out. Branching out only dilutes all of the relationships. I would also say go slow with whomever you pick. Build foundations so that if you go ahead and get really serious about it you have something to work with. Oh yea... Green Mountain Dark Magic (getting it now)

08-15-2011, 11:45 AM	#14273
maianhvk whimsical Posts: 2,779 Karma: 88193939 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: in darkness Device: current: PPW 4. brick: K3 & Voyage.	In my mug: home made corn milk, by sister. Living near is wonderful, she brings many fancy foods and drinks over everyday @ Iri: Multi-function won't work. You should deal with this BF issue one by one. Then again, I'm inexperienced. That's just what I think.

08-15-2011, 12:00 PM	#14274
ProfCrash Tea Enthusiast Posts: 8,554 Karma: 75384937 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Somewhere in the USA Device: Kindle1, Kindle DX Graphite, K3 3G, IPad 3, PW2	Reporting in from vacation. We were able to successfully surprise my Mother. She is never going to believe me when I say I am flying home for a business meeting again but her birthday party was a great success. Lots of beer, wine, and tea consumed so far. More to drink over the next few days. Iridal: Since you are calling gent number 1 your boyfriend you should be honest with gent number 2 and tell him you are dating someone. Dinner as friends is fine but that is all that it should be. If you are so tempted by gent number 2 then it is time to think about gent number 1 and how you feel about him. I know this advice does not make your life simpler. Put yourself in your boyfriends shoes. How would you feel if you found out he had started potentailly seeing another woman? If the answer to that is "Like crap" or "betrayed" than you should have the answer to your question.

08-15-2011, 01:53 PM	#14276
Phogg PHD in Horribleness Posts: 2,320 Karma: 23599604 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: In the ironbound section, near avenue L Device: Just a whole bunch. I guess I am a collector now.	Half the glass filled with ice and pineapple soda. The other half filled with ruby red grapefruit juice. Life is good. As someone who has managed 23 years of matrimony so far in spite of a really messed up start in life, I will chime in in favor of integrity in relationships.

08-15-2011, 02:27 PM	#14277
Skibble Runs With Scissors Posts: 115 Karma: 1173596 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: USA Device: Kindle Voyage	IMHO, honesty is the best policy. Make sure the new fellow understands you have a boyfriend right now. And make sure the boyfriend knows you're going to dinner with a new friend. Trying to hide things or meet in secret is only going to backfire and make things look worse than they actually are. I actually know a couple, happily married for 20 years now, who met while the woman was in a relationship with someone else. But she ended the first relationship before starting the second with her now-husband. The husband told me once that if she had tried to be with both at once, or offered to see him behind her then-boyfriend's back, he would have cooled toward her immediately, because it would have been a sign of lack of integrity. He said if she had done it to her boyfriend then, who was to say he wouldn't do it to him, later? Fortunately, she was honest, and my family now has this couple over for dinner regularly. They still have their flame! Drinking a Diet Coke and preparing to dive back into my historical fiction....

08-15-2011, 03:09 PM	#14278
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	@Iridal - I think it has all pretty much been said here already, and in truth only you can decide what it best for you. I agree with @Skibble that you should be honest, that is the overriding thing I have learned in the many mistakes I have made in the past. My only addition to what has been said is that, if you are interested in following up on #2, then you can't be that certain about #1. You wouldn't even be considering going out with #2 if you were completely sure about #1. So, go with your instincts. But again, be honest about it. Spanish Rioja in my glass.

08-15-2011, 04:51 PM	#14280
beppe Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,161 Karma: 81026524 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Italy Device: Kindle3, Ipod4, IPad2	Iridal. Wait before straightening out with gent1. Wait until you know a little more about your feelings. Do not let them know about each other. Now you are full of enthusiasm and you are experiencing the enormous strength of a new romantic attraction, actually two. But listen, anything that you say now, will be accepted in that magic mood, but it will stay in their mind for ever, and poison their thoughts. Therefore, keep it to yourself. Deal with each one separately. Keep your privacy. In any case, whatever you are, they see you with their own eyes, and have of you an idea that is only partially you, but mostly is how they imagine you, or what they dream and desire, and expect. The curse of expectations. It takes ages to know each other. And when one arrives there ... It is time for someone else. Nah, it is not true, really. But ...