Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 227

Lycoming · 07-29-2011, 02:47 PM

I would have been willing to lie down and cushion the impact, but unfortunately I can feel a slight head cold coming on.

Fbone · 07-29-2011, 03:43 PM

"Driver carries no cash." He's married.

orlok · 07-29-2011, 08:24 PM

A guy is sitting on his sofa when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later, there's a knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says,

"What the hell was that all about?"

PeterT · 07-29-2011, 09:32 PM

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," he responded.

"Oh. Kill any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone.”

Fbone · 07-30-2011, 02:45 PM

Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.

PeterT · 07-30-2011, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.

lol!!

Fbone · 07-31-2011, 04:10 PM

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.

Lycoming · 07-31-2011, 04:33 PM

Jim stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity.

He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

Finally his exasperated partner asked, 'What the hell is taking so long?'

'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Jim explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'

His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'

WT Sharpe · 07-31-2011, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.

benham · 07-31-2011, 07:51 PM

Got a gun for my wife. Good trade.

orlok · 08-01-2011, 07:33 AM

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition. Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc., and it was a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say: "Scottish".

The other signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said "Irish". This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say: "Glasgow"

Again the second replied in a weedy frail voice "Dublin". Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out.

Days passed before the first man managed to again point to himself and say: "Jimmy". Replied the other: "Paddy".

A few hours later, Jimmy managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly: "Cancer".

Paddy responded: "Sagittarius"...

PeterT · 08-01-2011, 08:37 AM

Time flies like an arrow....

Fruit flies like a banana

Lycoming · 08-01-2011, 11:26 AM

Paddy responded: "Sagittarius"...

Fbone · 08-01-2011, 11:38 AM

Oh yeah? If you're so smart, why don't I understand you?

maianhvk · 08-01-2011, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Oh yeah? If you're so smart, why don't I understand you?

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07-29-2011, 02:47 PM	#3391
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	I would have been willing to lie down and cushion the impact, but unfortunately I can feel a slight head cold coming on.

07-29-2011, 03:43 PM	#3392
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	"Driver carries no cash." He's married.

07-29-2011, 08:24 PM	#3393
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A guy is sitting on his sofa when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there's a knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

07-29-2011, 09:32 PM	#3394
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,545 Karma: 79436716 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," he responded. "Oh. Kill any?" she asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone.”

07-30-2011, 02:45 PM	#3395
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.

07-31-2011, 04:10 PM	#3397
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.

07-31-2011, 04:33 PM	#3398
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Jim stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing. Finally his exasperated partner asked, 'What the hell is taking so long?' 'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Jim explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.' His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'

07-31-2011, 07:51 PM	#3400
benham Guru Posts: 882 Karma: 5565888 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Townsend, WI Device: Palm TX, PRS-505 (BLUE)	Got a gun for my wife. Good trade.

08-01-2011, 07:33 AM	#3401
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition. Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc., and it was a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say: "Scottish". The other signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said "Irish". This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say: "Glasgow" Again the second replied in a weedy frail voice "Dublin". Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first man managed to again point to himself and say: "Jimmy". Replied the other: "Paddy". A few hours later, Jimmy managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly: "Cancer". Paddy responded: "Sagittarius"...

08-01-2011, 08:37 AM	#3402
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,545 Karma: 79436716 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	Time flies like an arrow.... Fruit flies like a banana

08-01-2011, 11:26 AM	#3403
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Paddy responded: "Sagittarius"...

08-01-2011, 11:38 AM	#3404
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Oh yeah? If you're so smart, why don't I understand you?