Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 224

MJK2111 · 07-21-2011, 03:34 PM

Have you heard? They just uncovered a demo from Michael Jackson where he does remakes of old classics.

Reportedly, his remake of an old Elton John song showed his true feelings: "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me..."

Lycoming · 07-21-2011, 04:10 PM

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surly be asking for trouble
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to make love was when the church
bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow
and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong.

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He"d still be alive if that bloody ice cream truck hadn't come along."

Fbone · 07-21-2011, 04:56 PM

Credit cards are very dangerous. Every time I try to use one, somebody starts chasing me with scissors.

orlok · 07-21-2011, 04:58 PM

An old man was given a jar and asked to provide a sperm sample for his doctor. The next day he returned with the empty jar and explained, "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, then I tried with my left. I asked my wife to help. We even called up Arlene, the lady next door. Nothing."

The doctor was shocked. He said, "You asked your neighbor?"

"Yep," the old man replied. "None of us could get the jar open."

Falcao · 07-22-2011, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

You are really asking for trouble...

I'm sure the French have stereotypes for non-French

Fbone · 07-22-2011, 03:39 AM

Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.

Lycoming · 07-22-2011, 07:44 AM

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3x the length of the thumb The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. A woman has read this entire post. The man is still looking at his thumb.

Lizzie in Ma · 07-22-2011, 07:45 AM

an oldie but a goodie, I love blonde jokes

Two blondes walk into a bar.
You'd think one of them would have seen it.

Fbone · 07-22-2011, 01:38 PM

Did you hear about the new 'morning after' pill for men ? It changes their blood type.

Falcao · 07-22-2011, 06:25 PM

Fbone · 07-23-2011, 03:20 AM

Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children?

orlok · 07-23-2011, 10:33 AM

A man's talking to his friend and he says, "I'm about to go on vacation, and I don't know what to do." His buddy asks, "Why?" And the man says, "Well, last year's vacation was Hawaii. Came back, and the wife was pregnant. The year before that was the Bahamas. Came back, the wife was pregnant. The year before that, Paris. Came back, wife pregnant. His buddy asks, "So what are you going to do differently this year?" And the guy says, "Well, this year I'm going to bring the wife."

WT Sharpe · 07-23-2011, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3x the length of the thumb The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. A woman has read this entire post. The man is still looking at his thumb.

Yep!

Fbone · 07-23-2011, 09:30 PM

Did you know that all great lovers have bad memories? ...Or did I tell you that already?

Lycoming · 07-24-2011, 10:32 AM

A group of 15-year old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jannie Johnson, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives on that street and they might see her and they can ride their bikes there.

Ten years later, the group of 25-year-old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute girls.

Ten years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the booze was good, it was right near the gym and if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

Ten years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big.

Ten years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good and fish is good for your cholesterol.

Ten years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the lighting was good and they have an early bird special.

Ten years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was not too spicy, and the restaurant was handicapped accessible.

Ten years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
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07-21-2011, 03:34 PM	#3346
MJK2111 FUBAR! Posts: 1,946 Karma: 15018767 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Woodstock, IL Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S	Have you heard? They just uncovered a demo from Michael Jackson where he does remakes of old classics. Reportedly, his remake of an old Elton John song showed his true feelings: "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me..."

07-21-2011, 04:10 PM	#3347
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surly be asking for trouble "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to make love was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong. She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He"d still be alive if that bloody ice cream truck hadn't come along."

07-21-2011, 04:56 PM	#3348
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Credit cards are very dangerous. Every time I try to use one, somebody starts chasing me with scissors.

07-21-2011, 04:58 PM	#3349
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	An old man was given a jar and asked to provide a sperm sample for his doctor. The next day he returned with the empty jar and explained, "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, then I tried with my left. I asked my wife to help. We even called up Arlene, the lady next door. Nothing." The doctor was shocked. He said, "You asked your neighbor?" "Yep," the old man replied. "None of us could get the jar open."

07-22-2011, 03:39 AM	#3351
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.

07-22-2011, 07:44 AM	#3352
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3x the length of the thumb The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. A woman has read this entire post. The man is still looking at his thumb.

07-22-2011, 07:45 AM	#3353
Lizzie in Ma Connoisseur Posts: 72 Karma: 159192 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Cape Cod Device: Nook, Kindle 3, Vizio 8" tablet runn and Samsung Galaxy running Aldiko	an oldie but a goodie, I love blonde jokes Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

07-22-2011, 01:38 PM	#3354
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Did you hear about the new 'morning after' pill for men ? It changes their blood type.

07-22-2011, 06:25 PM	#3355
Falcao Banned Posts: 1,344 Karma: 1028477047 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Nueva Andalucía Device: Sony PRS 650

07-23-2011, 03:20 AM	#3356
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children?

07-23-2011, 10:33 AM	#3357
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A man's talking to his friend and he says, "I'm about to go on vacation, and I don't know what to do." His buddy asks, "Why?" And the man says, "Well, last year's vacation was Hawaii. Came back, and the wife was pregnant. The year before that was the Bahamas. Came back, the wife was pregnant. The year before that, Paris. Came back, wife pregnant. His buddy asks, "So what are you going to do differently this year?" And the guy says, "Well, this year I'm going to bring the wife."

07-23-2011, 09:30 PM	#3359
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Did you know that all great lovers have bad memories? ...Or did I tell you that already?

07-24-2011, 10:32 AM	#3360
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A group of 15-year old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jannie Johnson, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives on that street and they might see her and they can ride their bikes there. Ten years later, the group of 25-year-old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute girls. Ten years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the booze was good, it was right near the gym and if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids. Ten years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big. Ten years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good and fish is good for your cholesterol. Ten years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the lighting was good and they have an early bird special. Ten years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was not too spicy, and the restaurant was handicapped accessible. Ten years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before. __________________