Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 212

Fbone · 06-10-2011, 02:17 AM

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "4s"?

orlok · 06-10-2011, 05:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

I'm not sure if I should post this in this thread or in the Vent and Rant thread.
I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying. He Said, "If the current Administration is in office much longer, canned goods and ammunition are your best bets."

Stitchawl

orlok · 06-10-2011, 07:24 AM

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting the first worm into the glass of water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

Fbone · 06-11-2011, 03:23 AM

When all else fails, follow the instructions.

orlok · 06-11-2011, 11:01 AM

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Fbone · 06-12-2011, 03:17 AM

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

Lycoming · 06-12-2011, 03:08 PM

A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

orlok · 06-12-2011, 03:12 PM

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want
you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for
2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20
pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead
that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping."

Fbone · 06-12-2011, 08:12 PM

When I was 17 I thought my parents were the two stupidest people in the world. When I was 21 I was amazed at how much they had learned in 4 years.

crich70 · 06-12-2011, 09:44 PM

Did you hear about the fortune teller who went out of business? She didn't see any future in it.

CyGuy · 06-14-2011, 04:41 PM

Before purchasing a bicycle, be sure to consider the color of the seat!!!

James_Wilde · 06-14-2011, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyGuy

Before purchasing a bicycle, be sure to consider the color of the seat!!!

Stitchawl · 06-14-2011, 09:03 PM

Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"

Stitchawl

wannabee · 06-14-2011, 11:58 PM

A guy calls 000 and says I think my wife is dead. The operator says "It's important you need to make sure." He says "Hang on a second." After some silence the operator hears a gun shot. The guy comes back and says "OK, I made sure. Now what?"

Fbone · 06-15-2011, 02:21 AM

When I woke up this morning my wife asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

06-14-2011, 04:41 PM	#3176
CyGuy Avid Reader Posts: 769 Karma: 7777778 Join Date: Aug 2009 Device: PocketBook 902, Galaxy Tab 2 7.0, ASUS TF700, and Cybook Gen III	Before purchasing a bicycle, be sure to consider the color of the seat!!! Last edited by CyGuy; 06-14-2011 at 05:09 PM.

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06-10-2011, 02:17 AM	#3166
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "4s"?

06-10-2011, 07:24 AM	#3168
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting the first worm into the glass of water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

06-11-2011, 03:23 AM	#3169
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When all else fails, follow the instructions.

06-11-2011, 11:01 AM	#3170
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"

06-12-2011, 03:17 AM	#3171
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

06-12-2011, 03:08 PM	#3172
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips." The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

06-12-2011, 03:12 PM	#3173
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping."

06-12-2011, 08:12 PM	#3174
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When I was 17 I thought my parents were the two stupidest people in the world. When I was 21 I was amazed at how much they had learned in 4 years.

06-12-2011, 09:44 PM	#3175
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Did you hear about the fortune teller who went out of business? She didn't see any future in it.

06-14-2011, 09:03 PM	#3178
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!" Stitchawl

06-14-2011, 11:58 PM	#3179
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,382 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	A guy calls 000 and says I think my wife is dead. The operator says "It's important you need to make sure." He says "Hang on a second." After some silence the operator hears a gun shot. The guy comes back and says "OK, I made sure. Now what?"

06-15-2011, 02:21 AM	#3180
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	When I woke up this morning my wife asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."