Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 210

orlok · 06-05-2011, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreams

Hands on hips, she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

. I'm guessing you're not blond then?

dreams · 06-05-2011, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

. I'm guessing you're not blond then?

Hey, we, blonds can enjoy jokes too!

orlok · 06-05-2011, 05:01 PM

A man and his friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.

One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies, "Yeah, well ... We were married 35 years."

orlok · 06-05-2011, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreams

Hey, we, blonds can enjoy jokes too!

Surprised you can even understand them...

Fbone · 06-05-2011, 09:09 PM

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.

benham · 06-05-2011, 09:33 PM

Men marry women thinking they won't change and women marry men hoping they will.

crich70 · 06-05-2011, 11:24 PM

Three older men are playing golf. The first hits his ball into a lake and walks in after it the water parting as he approaches, he hits the ball back unto the green. The second man likewise hits his ball into the water, he walks out on the surface of the lake and hits his ball (which has risen to the surface) back onto the green. The third, and oldest of the three men now takes his shot. Like his fellow golfers before him he hits the ball right into the lake. He stands there waiting and a frog pops up out of the water the golf ball in his hands. A bird swoops down, grabs the frog and carries him out over the green where he drops the ball right into the hole. The first man turns to the second man and says,"I hate playing golf against your dad."

Spoiler:

crich70 · 06-05-2011, 11:30 PM

One of the few blond jokes I know.

A blond was out driving one day when she saw something off in a field to one side of the road. She stopped and upon closer inspection saw it was a blond sitting in a rowboat trying to row across the green field. The sight angered her and she shouted,"it's blonds like you who give the rest of us a bad name, and if I could swim I'd beat the tar out of you."

Cyberman tM · 06-06-2011, 04:56 AM

If at first you don't succeed - destroy all evidence that you ever tried!

maianhvk · 06-06-2011, 05:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyberman tM

If at first you don't succeed - destroy all evidence that you ever tried!

I believe it was something Mark Twain said?

odiakkoh · 06-06-2011, 05:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyberman tM

If at first you don't succeed - destroy all evidence that you ever tried!

lol one of my favorite quotes.

Fbone · 06-06-2011, 08:02 AM

Before you open your mouth to speak, make sure it's an improvement upon the silence.

pdurrant · 06-06-2011, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Before you open your mouth to speak, make sure it's an improvement upon the silence.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool . . .

. . . than to open your mouth and prove it.

orlok · 06-06-2011, 12:34 PM

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him over for 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his "attorney", who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper, "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling, "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The $10 million is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what did he say?"

The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"

Fbone · 06-06-2011, 01:52 PM

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.

06-05-2011, 05:01 PM	#3138
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A man and his friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies, "Yeah, well ... We were married 35 years." Last edited by orlok; 06-05-2011 at 05:14 PM.

06-05-2011, 11:24 PM	#3142
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Three older men are playing golf. The first hits his ball into a lake and walks in after it the water parting as he approaches, he hits the ball back unto the green. The second man likewise hits his ball into the water, he walks out on the surface of the lake and hits his ball (which has risen to the surface) back onto the green. The third, and oldest of the three men now takes his shot. Like his fellow golfers before him he hits the ball right into the lake. He stands there waiting and a frog pops up out of the water the golf ball in his hands. A bird swoops down, grabs the frog and carries him out over the green where he drops the ball right into the hole. The first man turns to the second man and says,"I hate playing golf against your dad." Spoiler: If you haven't guessed by now the three men are Moses, Jesus and God.

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06-05-2011, 09:09 PM	#3140
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.

06-05-2011, 09:33 PM	#3141
benham Guru Posts: 882 Karma: 5565888 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Townsend, WI Device: Palm TX, PRS-505 (BLUE)	Men marry women thinking they won't change and women marry men hoping they will.

06-05-2011, 11:30 PM	#3143
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	One of the few blond jokes I know. A blond was out driving one day when she saw something off in a field to one side of the road. She stopped and upon closer inspection saw it was a blond sitting in a rowboat trying to row across the green field. The sight angered her and she shouted,"it's blonds like you who give the rest of us a bad name, and if I could swim I'd beat the tar out of you."

06-06-2011, 04:56 AM	#3144
Cyberman tM Evangelist Posts: 439 Karma: 2248782 Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Austria Device: Inkbook Prime; Icarus Illumina;ImcoV6l;EB600;Kobo	If at first you don't succeed - destroy all evidence that you ever tried!

06-06-2011, 08:02 AM	#3147
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Before you open your mouth to speak, make sure it's an improvement upon the silence.

06-06-2011, 12:34 PM	#3149
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him over for 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his "attorney", who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper, "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says, "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling, "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The $10 million is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what did he say?" The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"

06-06-2011, 01:52 PM	#3150
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.