Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 209

Lycoming · 06-02-2011, 01:12 PM

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University, has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the sh*t out of him.

wannabee · 06-03-2011, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the sh*t out of him.

Fbone · 06-03-2011, 10:46 AM

An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

Lycoming · 06-03-2011, 11:55 AM

THE HISTORY OF PROFILING

The day it all started was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo . He then walked up to the observation post along the west wall of the fort. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall.

These three great men gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving toward them. With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said: "Jim, are we having some landscaping done today?"

Fbone · 06-03-2011, 07:21 PM

So many evil people, and so few asteroids.

orlok · 06-04-2011, 05:41 AM

Mr. Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, "I'm a little cold, could I borrow your blanket?"

The man says, "How would you like to be Mrs. Johnson for awhile?"

The secretary jumps at the chance and begins to get out of bed, saying "Oooh yes please".

Then Mr. Johnson replies, "Good, then you can get your own damn blanket".

crich70 · 06-04-2011, 05:51 AM

Chief Shortcake dies and his tribe plans a big funeral service for him. They go to his squaw and ask for his body. She refuses to hand it over. They promise her they will treat the chief with respect, they tell her of the magnificent service they have planned for him. Of the impressive tombstone they have ordered for the chief's gravesite. She still refuses to hand the remains over. They beg, they threaten, in fact they even attempt to bribe her to hand the body over. She stands firm. She will not hand over his body. Finally one of the braves, tears flowing from his eyes, begs her to tell them why she won't give them Chief Shortcake's body. She looks at him and says,"Squaw bury Shortcake."

Fbone · 06-04-2011, 02:58 PM

A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

crich70 · 06-04-2011, 11:01 PM

An engineer dies and by a clerical error he is sent to Hell rather than Heaven. Shortly thereafter Hell has all the modern conveniences, air conditioning, internet access, etc. God gets wind of the matter and demands that Satan hand over the engineer's soul. Satan refuses. God then threatens to sue Satan. Satan looks at the creator of the universe and asks,"where are you going to find a lawyer?"

amward · 06-04-2011, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

Having just had to wash half the bedding after one of our babies did just that I realise the truth of it. Wouldn't not have them though.

Bikeridr · 06-05-2011, 05:47 AM

What is green and smell like yellow paint?

Spoiler:

orlok · 06-05-2011, 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amward

Having just had to wash half the bedding after one of our babies did just that I realise the truth of it. Wouldn't not have them though.

Just spent 48 hours all through 2 nights intermittently nursing one of the kitties and cleaning up sick...

So a gentle one today...

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a Minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.

His father took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the Bible a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it."

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's study where the father said, "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut."

The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

The Minister said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.

travger · 06-05-2011, 08:36 AM

Peter answers knocking on Heavens' gate and finds Satan himself standing there with some scrawny-looking specimen. Satan begs:
"Please, will you let this geek in! As soon as he arrived in Hell, he yelled "Yess, Doom!" and shot half my devils."

Fbone · 06-05-2011, 03:35 PM

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

dreams · 06-05-2011, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

<snip> The Minister said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.

...

Quote:

Originally Posted by travger

Peter answers knocking on Heavens' gate and finds Satan himself standing there with some scrawny-looking specimen. Satan begs:
"Please, will you let this geek in! As soon as he arrived in Hell, he yelled "Yess, Doom!" and shot half my devils."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Which is why I am contemplating cleaning out my closets and drawers today.

===========

A man was in his front yard mowing the lawn when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, slammed it shut again and stomped back into the house.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Not being able to keep quiet any longer, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

Hands on hips, she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

06-05-2011, 05:47 AM	#3131
Bikeridr Information Acquirer Posts: 436 Karma: 4265156 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Latvia, Rigas Rajons Device: Kindle 3 International, Pocketbook Color	What is green and smell like yellow paint? Spoiler: Green paint

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

06-02-2011, 01:12 PM	#3121
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University, has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the sh*t out of him.

06-03-2011, 10:46 AM	#3123
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

06-03-2011, 11:55 AM	#3124
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	THE HISTORY OF PROFILING The day it all started was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo . He then walked up to the observation post along the west wall of the fort. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall. These three great men gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving toward them. With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said: "Jim, are we having some landscaping done today?"

06-03-2011, 07:21 PM	#3125
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	So many evil people, and so few asteroids.

06-04-2011, 05:41 AM	#3126
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Mr. Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, "I'm a little cold, could I borrow your blanket?" The man says, "How would you like to be Mrs. Johnson for awhile?" The secretary jumps at the chance and begins to get out of bed, saying "Oooh yes please". Then Mr. Johnson replies, "Good, then you can get your own damn blanket".

06-04-2011, 05:51 AM	#3127
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Chief Shortcake dies and his tribe plans a big funeral service for him. They go to his squaw and ask for his body. She refuses to hand it over. They promise her they will treat the chief with respect, they tell her of the magnificent service they have planned for him. Of the impressive tombstone they have ordered for the chief's gravesite. She still refuses to hand the remains over. They beg, they threaten, in fact they even attempt to bribe her to hand the body over. She stands firm. She will not hand over his body. Finally one of the braves, tears flowing from his eyes, begs her to tell them why she won't give them Chief Shortcake's body. She looks at him and says,"Squaw bury Shortcake."

06-04-2011, 02:58 PM	#3128
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

06-04-2011, 11:01 PM	#3129
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	An engineer dies and by a clerical error he is sent to Hell rather than Heaven. Shortly thereafter Hell has all the modern conveniences, air conditioning, internet access, etc. God gets wind of the matter and demands that Satan hand over the engineer's soul. Satan refuses. God then threatens to sue Satan. Satan looks at the creator of the universe and asks,"where are you going to find a lawyer?"

06-05-2011, 08:36 AM	#3133
travger Evangelist Posts: 485 Karma: 270594 Join Date: Aug 2010 Device: palm tx, Windows7, Galaxy A5	Peter answers knocking on Heavens' gate and finds Satan himself standing there with some scrawny-looking specimen. Satan begs: "Please, will you let this geek in! As soon as he arrived in Hell, he yelled "Yess, Doom!" and shot half my devils."

06-05-2011, 03:35 PM	#3134
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.