Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 196

orlok · 05-01-2011, 05:50 AM

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine".

So that was nice.

Javed · 05-01-2011, 05:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine".

So that was nice.

How kind of them!

GeoffC · 05-01-2011, 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine".

So that was nice.

yvanleterrible · 05-01-2011, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine".

So that was nice.

...the kind of compliment you have to pay for... So nice to be rich.

DrDln · 05-01-2011, 08:03 PM

"My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."

DrDln · 05-01-2011, 08:17 PM

Here's funny one:
What is Globalization

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Relates to Princess Diana's death.
An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend,
crashes in a French tunnel,
riding in a German car with a Dutch engine,
Driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky,

Followed closely by Italian Paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles,
Treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by a Canadian,
using American
Bill Gates' technology,

And you're probably reading
this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry drivers, hijacked by
Indonesians,

unloaded by Sicilian dockers, and trucked to you by illegal immigrants.....

Sent to me by a friend in Boston

That, my friends,
is Globalization !

[removed self-promotion - moderation]

Fbone · 05-02-2011, 02:07 AM

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most about me, my pretty face or
my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "Your sense of humor."

Bikeridr · 05-02-2011, 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most about me, my pretty face or
my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "Your sense of humor."

...And on the third day, he could open one eye and move his left arm.

Fbone · 05-02-2011, 08:18 AM

Wife: "I just lost ten pounds!"
Husband: "Turn around, I think I found them."

travger · 05-02-2011, 10:21 AM

From forgotten past...(site I don't remember):

Tech Support: "What operating system are you running? Windows 95?"
Customer: (a little too excited) "95, 97, 98, I've got them all!"
After conferring with her husband, it turned out she owned a Macintosh with System 8.1.

My Friend: "I just installed Windows 98."
Me: "Cool. But...it's 2001. Why not Windows 2000 or wait for XP to come out?"
My Friend: "Oh, 98 is more easily hacked, so I want it."
Me: "You want to get hacked?"
My Friend: "Yes! Wouldn't you?"
Me: "No...."
My Friend: "When you get hacked you get a lot of money! That's a good thing!"
Me: "???"

Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"

Customer: (angrily) "You said I would get 98 windows with this computer. Where are they?"

Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..."

One user -- a regular caller of ours -- got herself into some serious computer trouble when she set about cleaning up her system. She had been exploring the hard drive in the file manager and discovered hundreds of files in the Windows directory with all different file extensions. Being of an orderly mind, and with several hours of free time, she had created a TXT folder, a COM folder, a DLL folder, and so forth, and moved all the files into these subdirectories.

Customer: "Michaelangelo virus ate my hard disk, but I have a tape backup. Can you help me restore the system?"
No problem. When I arrive, I find out that the last time she had run a backup was 18 months ago. Worse, she hadn't done it correctly:
Customer: "I thought you just shoved in the tape, and it sucked up the data."

Customer: "I have MS Office, but whenever I try to make a backup of the disks, my machine says it's not able to. Can you give me Microsoft's telephone number so I can call them and complain?"
Tech Support: (grinning ecstatically) "OF COURSE I CAN!!!!!!"

travger · 05-02-2011, 10:26 AM

And about tech support...:

I was waiting in a computer store for a price quote once, and while I was waiting I noticed one of the technicians trying to fix a customer's computer. I listen in on the conversation.
Tech Support: "You see when I put my mouse over 'Documents'? How it turns yellow?"
It was clear the customer had changed the Windows 95 colour scheme from the standard green background and blue and white windows that you see when Windows 95 starts for the first time. He had a new color scheme altogether, a blue background, and when he ran his mouse to highlight something, it turned yellow instead of the original blue. Perfectly normal, I thought; almost every Windows 95 user changes the color scheme.
Customer: "Yes, I see that. What about it?"
Tech Support: "That means you have a virus."
Of course, that was it. I wasn't going to buy a system from a store with this incredible tech support, so I left.

Bikeridr · 05-02-2011, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by travger

And about tech support...:

---

Tech Support: "That means you have a virus."
Of course, that was it. I wasn't going to buy a system from a store with this incredible tech support, so I left.

That reminds me of something similar; a person were in an electronic shop looking at a dSLR camera. While examining it, he detached the lens. Whereupon the clerk informed him that: "You destroy, you buy!"
Well, the customer reattached the lens, handed back the camera and left the store, commenting that he'd buy at another store where the sellers at least knew the very basics of the products they sell..

Fbone · 05-02-2011, 01:50 PM

Doctor: "I have good news and bad. The good is you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "Oh no! then what's the bad news?"
Doctor: "I forgot to call you yesterday."

Lycoming · 05-02-2011, 02:23 PM

Prince gets married.
Bad guy gets shot.

It's as if Disney planned the Bank Holiday weekend.

Bilbo1967 · 05-02-2011, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Prince gets married.
Bad guy gets shot.

It's as if Disney planned the Bank Holiday weekend.

My money's on a flying elephant being discovered by the end of the week!

05-01-2011, 08:17 PM	#2931
DrDln Banned Posts: 1,527 Karma: 2349214 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Mountain House, CA Device: kindle	Here's funny one: What is Globalization Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Relates to Princess Diana's death. An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend, crashes in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, Driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, Followed closely by Italian Paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles, Treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by a Canadian, using American Bill Gates' technology, And you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian dockers, and trucked to you by illegal immigrants..... Sent to me by a friend in Boston That, my friends, is Globalization ! [removed self-promotion - moderation] Last edited by dreams; 05-01-2011 at 08:23 PM. Reason: [removed self-promotion - moderation]

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05-01-2011, 05:50 AM	#2926
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine". So that was nice.

05-01-2011, 08:03 PM	#2930
DrDln Banned Posts: 1,527 Karma: 2349214 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Mountain House, CA Device: kindle	"My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."

05-02-2011, 02:07 AM	#2932
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most about me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "Your sense of humor."

05-02-2011, 08:18 AM	#2934
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Wife: "I just lost ten pounds!" Husband: "Turn around, I think I found them."

05-02-2011, 10:21 AM	#2935
travger Evangelist Posts: 485 Karma: 270594 Join Date: Aug 2010 Device: palm tx, Windows7, Galaxy A5	From forgotten past...(site I don't remember): Tech Support: "What operating system are you running? Windows 95?" Customer: (a little too excited) "95, 97, 98, I've got them all!" After conferring with her husband, it turned out she owned a Macintosh with System 8.1. My Friend: "I just installed Windows 98." Me: "Cool. But...it's 2001. Why not Windows 2000 or wait for XP to come out?" My Friend: "Oh, 98 is more easily hacked, so I want it." Me: "You want to get hacked?" My Friend: "Yes! Wouldn't you?" Me: "No...." My Friend: "When you get hacked you get a lot of money! That's a good thing!" Me: "???" Customer: "How much do Windows cost?" Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100." Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?" Customer: (angrily) "You said I would get 98 windows with this computer. Where are they?" Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?" Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..." One user -- a regular caller of ours -- got herself into some serious computer trouble when she set about cleaning up her system. She had been exploring the hard drive in the file manager and discovered hundreds of files in the Windows directory with all different file extensions. Being of an orderly mind, and with several hours of free time, she had created a TXT folder, a COM folder, a DLL folder, and so forth, and moved all the files into these subdirectories. Customer: "Michaelangelo virus ate my hard disk, but I have a tape backup. Can you help me restore the system?" No problem. When I arrive, I find out that the last time she had run a backup was 18 months ago. Worse, she hadn't done it correctly: Customer: "I thought you just shoved in the tape, and it sucked up the data." Customer: "I have MS Office, but whenever I try to make a backup of the disks, my machine says it's not able to. Can you give me Microsoft's telephone number so I can call them and complain?" Tech Support: (grinning ecstatically) "OF COURSE I CAN!!!!!!"

05-02-2011, 10:26 AM	#2936
travger Evangelist Posts: 485 Karma: 270594 Join Date: Aug 2010 Device: palm tx, Windows7, Galaxy A5	And about tech support...: I was waiting in a computer store for a price quote once, and while I was waiting I noticed one of the technicians trying to fix a customer's computer. I listen in on the conversation. Tech Support: "You see when I put my mouse over 'Documents'? How it turns yellow?" It was clear the customer had changed the Windows 95 colour scheme from the standard green background and blue and white windows that you see when Windows 95 starts for the first time. He had a new color scheme altogether, a blue background, and when he ran his mouse to highlight something, it turned yellow instead of the original blue. Perfectly normal, I thought; almost every Windows 95 user changes the color scheme. Customer: "Yes, I see that. What about it?" Tech Support: "That means you have a virus." Of course, that was it. I wasn't going to buy a system from a store with this incredible tech support, so I left.

05-02-2011, 01:50 PM	#2938
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Doctor: "I have good news and bad. The good is you have 24 hours to live." Patient: "Oh no! then what's the bad news?" Doctor: "I forgot to call you yesterday."

05-02-2011, 02:23 PM	#2939
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Prince gets married. Bad guy gets shot. It's as if Disney planned the Bank Holiday weekend.